Ramblings of a girl who survived an abusive relationship and went on to live a happy life.
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Healthy vs. Abusive
Abuse is not just a matter of someone having a bad day or getting into a bad mood sometimes. If your boyfriend or girlfriend forgets to call you one night, or doesn’t remember an anniversary, it can be disappointing, but these things happen even in healthy relationships. If your boyfriend or girlfriend tells you what to wear or controls who you talk to, it is no longer a healthy relationship.
In a healthy relationship, you:
Have respect for each other and treat each other with respect
Feel comfortable and safe
Support each other
Pay attention to each other
Are interested in each other’s lives, families, work, etc.
Resolve conflicts effectively
Are not violent with each other
Have an enjoyable time together
Have a sense privacy
Trust each other
Each decide what you are comfortable with sexually
Can express your desires as well as things you are not comfortable with
Have personal privacy of who you talk to, call, write to, etc.
Make healthy decisions about drugs and alcohol
Have, and encourage each other to have other friends
Are honest about your past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate
Know that most people in your life (friends and family) are happy about the relationship
Have more good times overall in the relationship than bad
In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you:
Attempts to manipulate or control the other person
Makes the other person feel bad about her/himself
Makes the other person afraid because of their temper
Calls the the other person names or puts them down
Is overly critical of the other’s friends or family
Doesn’t make time for the other person
Discourages other from being close to other people
Pushes, grabs, hits, punches, throws objects, or threatens to do any of these things
Ignores the other person when he/she is speaking
Becomes overly possessive, controlling or gets jealous about normal behavior
Criticizes or supports others who criticize your gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attribute
Controls money or other resources (e.g., car, phone use, etc.)
Controls how the other dresses, what they can and cannot wear
Harms or threatens to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value
Makes use of physical force or threats to stop the other from leaving the relationship
This is a great chart found at helpguide.org. For more information, check out their webpage.