The Best Response I’ve read to the Daniel Tosh “Rape Joke” Incident

The incident between comedian Daniel Tosh and a female audience member that happened recently at the Hollywood Laugh Factory involving a rape joke has been all over the place lately. I’ve seen a lot of buildup making this incident into a feud between feminists and comedic freedom. I came across Austin area comedian, Curtis Luciani’s response a few days ago and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. No matter what your feelings about the Tosh incident are, I think this is a must read. It goes beyond this particular rape joke and is the best response I have read in regard to this issue. (Warning: Graphic. Includes language that may be offensive to some people. Also, may be triggering) —– Let’s imagine a world in which women cut men’s dicks off. Like, frequently. To the extent that one in five men has had his dick cut off by a woman or had a woman attempt to cut his dick off. (I apologize immediately if it sounds like I’m being flip. I am not being flip. Imagine the pain and shame and humiliation of someone cutting your dick off. Imagine it in earnest.) Sometimes it’s a clear-cut case where a woman attacks you in the street, out of nowhere, and cuts your dick off. But more often it’s a situation where you actually know the woman, maybe you trust her, maybe you think everything’s okay, and then one day she cuts your dick off. Still with me? This is going to take a while. I’ll tell you when I’m done. (And if you think I’m being insufferably self-righteous: Good...

Abuse Is Not The Victim’s Fault

The fact that someone abused me was not my fault. This is a reality that even on a good day I have to talk myself into; a reality that has taken me years to begin to accept. Years of fighting with myself and repeating the words over and over and over again.  It was not my fault. It was not my fault. Years of listening to a string of therapists remind me again and again. Years of going over each event in my mind, analyzing it from every angle, replaying the hands gripping my wrists and wondering if maybe I could have twisted my body differently, could have screamed louder or tried a different collection of words that might have prevented it all from happening the way that it did. Why didn’t you fight back harder? Why didn’t you yell? Why did you let him hurt you? Why did you stay? Why did you date someone like that? Why did you get yourself into that situation? Maybe you have a bad judge of character? Maybe you deserved what happened to you. Maybe he wouldn’t have acted like that if you weren’t for the way that you are. Maybe you made him crazy. Maybe you are over exaggerating. Over reacting. Overly picky. Too weak. Too quiet. Too soft. Too hard to please. Maybe it was your fault. In the circumstance of domestic violence, self-blame is, in many ways, a natural response for a victim—the product of being hurt by someone you trust and love, and then being told that it is your fault again and again. For me personally, taking responsibility for...

Biden, Duncan Introduce Plan to Prevent Sexual Assault On Campuses

“Our first goal is prevention through education. Information is always the best way to combat sexual violence. Our larger goal is to raise awareness to an issue that should have no place in society and especially in our schools.” Biden goes on to speak about the severity of our nation’s problem with sexual assault, and the distorted views that have led to a universal mentality of victim blaming. He speaks about our nation’s need to address sexual assault on college campuses, a place that rape and assault is so often covered up in an attempt to save-face and pretend like sexual violence is not a problem. “Students across the country deserve the safest possible environment in which to learn,” said Vice President Biden.  “That’s why we’re taking new steps to help our nation’s schools, universities and colleges end the cycle of sexual violence on campus.” Biden’s speech is a long time coming, as sexual assault is the number one violennt crime on college campuses; for those who have been fighting for years to get our administration to pay attention, it is a small but significant step in the fight against sexual abuse.  The letter, which addresses some of the widespread institutional downfalls, requires schools: to support victims of sexual assault by not punishing them for underage drinking and drugs (if involved) thereby recognizing rape and sexual assault as a far more serious crime than an alcohol-related misdemeanor; to inform survivors of their rights to a full investigation, providing advisement of the outcome should a review take place; and to investigate all reported sexual assaults in a timely manner. He...

‘Women Secretly Want To Be Raped’

Debunking 17 Popular Myths About Sexual Assault 1. Men rape women because they are overly aroused sexually or have been sexually deprived. MYTH. Rape is not about sex, it is about power and control. No matter what, sexual contact by force, or without consent, is against the law. No matter what. 2. It is not rape if the victim isn’t a virgin. MYTH. Every person has the right to decide whether or not they want to have sex EVERY time they do it. A person’s past sex life does not matter and is not a factor in deciding whether or not it was rape. Even if two people have had sex before, if one person forces the other person to have sex, it is rape. 3. Acquaintance rapes are not as serious as stranger rapes. MYTH. Any type of rape or sexual assault is serious and has serious effects on a person’s life. Despite the common belief that you can only be raped by a stranger, statistics show that over 80% of rape victims know their abuser. Acquaintance rape sometimes can be even more damaging to a victim’s life because of the betrayal of trust. 4. Women provoke rape by the way they dress. MYTH. Women have a right to wear whatever they want. There is no correlation between what people wear and if they are raped. This is an example of victim blaming. 5. Men cannot be raped. MYTH. Although it is less common, men can also be victims of sexual assault. In fact, 1 in 10 men will experience rape in their lifetime. 6. Women who do...

April is National Sexual Assault Awareness Month

The goal of SAAM (Sexual Assault Awareness Month) is to raise public awareness about sexual violence and to educate communities and individuals on how to prevent sexual violence. What can you do to help? For starters, educate yourself on the reality of sexual assault in our society today. Here’s a quick review to help: Definitions: Sexual assault: Forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal, or oral penetration. Penetration may be by a body part or an object. Acquaintance assault: involves coercive sexual activities that occur against a person’s will by means of force, violence, duress, or fear of bodily injury. These sexual activities are imposed upon them by someone they know (a friend, date, acquaintance, etc.). Incest: sexual contact between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal (e.g., parents and children, uncles/aunts and nieces/nephews, etc.). This usually takes the form of an older family member sexually abusing a child or adolescent. Consent: Consent occurs when both partners freely and willingly participate in sexual activities. The legal definition of rape includes any sexual contact without consent. Consent cannot be legally given, in most states, if a person is: – Under 17 – Mentally incapacitated – Drunk or high – Coerced – Forced Additionally, the absence of “no” does not mean “yes.” So, even if a person does not fight back or explicitly say “no,” they still are not necessarily giving consent. ________________________________________ Statistics: •1 in 4 females will be the victim of sexual abuse by the time they graduate from college. •1 in 4 teenage girls who have been in relationships reveal they have been pressured to perform oral sex...

Survivor Poetry: ‘Unnamed Woman’

My mother cut out clippings from the newspaper with a pair of silver scissors, gliding them along the marble countertop with a swoosh as I cut my French toast into trapezoids with my fork. I never drank my orange juice. It left a bad taste in my mouth when I brushed my teeth and besides, orange juice did not belong to me anymore. It belonged on the list, ‘no longer innocent,’ and I hardly paid attention to the articles in the newspaper anyway but there was still no convincing him of that. There was no convincing him of most things that I tried and there was no way I knew of to drown out the tone of his voice over my mother’s cheerful ring. There’s a nice picture of you. [Ugly! Stupid! Fake!] My mother said. A nice picture of a girl that looked like me, running with one hand in the air and a white soccer ball in the net behind her. Blurry. The article below it takes up half a page and continues on C5 but I flip to C6 by mistake and I read about an unnamed woman who was r       d two nights ago in her own house by a man she (thought she) knew. And if you hold up the page, staring now at C5 and looking at the letters of my name in the light from the kitchen window, you’ll find the articles run together. The same black ink on the same dull white paper and that’s as far as I’ll ever get to reading the article today. Years later, I...