Signs You Might Be Dating A Psychopath


Here are some signs that might indicate that you are dating a psychopath.

1. You feel like you are going crazy. Psycho’s are masters of manipulation. They turn everything around. They will make you feel like you are the one that is going crazy instead of them. You might become paranoid. You might worry about what you wear and what you say and freak out if someone changes your plans or something unexpected happens that you will have to explain later. If you are a peaceful person, you might find yourself constantly fighting. You might explode when you get too frustrated. You feel like there is something seriously wrong with you.

2. You feel like you are walking on eggshells. You’re not quite sure what will set them off, but you are afraid that something you do is going to make them lose their temper…  Bump into an old boyfriend at the mall? Get a job offer in another state? Agree to babysit for your sister? You might be terrified of what your partner will say or do if you tell them.

3. You feel like you are dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It seems like your partner is two completely different people. Like flipping a switch, he can change drastically from one extreme to the next. One day, he is caring and loving and wonderful, and the next he is hateful and raging and mean. He used to put you up on a pedestal…and now all he does is try to tear you down.

4. You feel like you have no voice. You are afraid to talk, or when you do talk you feel like you are never heard, your words are taken out of context, misunderstood, or blatantly ignored. From little things to big things, you feel like your partner never listens. You might want to go to the movies–your partner will make sure you go out to dinner instead. You might think that the Bears are the best football team–your partner will convince you that you are stupid for thinking so because they suck. You might say that you aren’t comfortable staying overnight together–your partner does so anyway. You might try to talk about how you are feeling–your partner turns everything around and tries to talk about everything you’re doing wrong.

5. Your partner has no remorse. He or she might get upset–especially if you try to break up with them or say that you are leaving–however, there is no underlying remorse for hurting you. Even when they hurt you, they make you feel bad for the pain it has caused them.

6. Your partner has no guilt. He or she might say that they are sorry if they hurt you (hit you, scream at you, cheat on you…etc.) and promise that it will never happen again, but their apology is more manipulative than sincere. They often don’t actually feel guilty about what they have done, only that they were caught.

7. Your partner is a world-class liar. They lie about what they do. Who they talk to. Where they were. They lie about things they don’t need to lie about. They can look you in the eye and lie. They can swear on their life that they are not lying. If they get caught, they change their story.

8. Your partner is a chameleon. He or she acts one way when they are around you, but completely different around your parents, and completely different around their friends. In the beginning of a relationship they might seem like everything you ever wanted….usually this is because they are trying to act like everything you ever wanted. They change to fit whatever group they are in.

9. You feel isolated and alone. Your partner finds faults with your friends or makes you feel bad or uncomfortable about any time you spend with other people. Slowly, you lose your friends until you feel like your partner is the only person you have left. You have no support group and therefore your partner gains more power.

10. You feel like you are on a roller coaster. Your partner cycles from mean and vicious to sweet and loving, then back again. Over and over. Up and down. Back and forth. Each time he hurts you, he apologizes and promises that it will never happen again or that he will change. You want to believe that this is possible, but the cycle keeps repeating and each time your self-esteem is chipped away at, bit by bit.

11. You have no confidence or self-esteem. Your partner knows your weaknesses and he goes after your most vulnerable parts, hurting you where he knows it will do the most damage. You feel bad about yourself. You feel ashamed, lost, alone, confused, numb, afraid, crazy, stupid, ugly, fat, worthless, embarrassed, unloveable, wrong.

12. Your partner tortures animals, is mean to children, or nasty to waitresses. He might hit or kick your dog whenever he comes over. He might set traps for squirrels or rabbits and then torture them. He or she might be mean to people they think are “below them” or people who are defenseless, like babies or children. A healthy person is consistent in the way they treat people, regardless of their status.

13. Your partner has a bad reputation or a tradition of “messy relationships”. He or she might even brag about the fact that they have left a trail of tears behind them. They might talk about cheating on an old partner, or be proud of their reputation. They might speak badly about a previous partner, claiming that their previous partner was crazy, or a bitch, or an asshole. Other people might warn you about dating your partner–if they have a track record of abuse, most likely it is only a matter of time until they abuse you.

14. Your friends and family wish that you would break up. You might get mad at people for trying to convince you to break up with your partner, or make excuses for your partner because you are convinced that you are the only one that understands him or her. Your partner will play into this, claiming that other people are just jealous of what you have or are just trying to bring you two down.

15. Your partner has a sense of entitlement. He or she feels entitled to act the way that they do. For example, if someone hurts them, they feel they have a right to retaliate. If a teacher fails them, or a coworker says something bad about them, they feel entitled to revenge. Or, if they do something nice for you, they feel entitled to a reward, and if you don’t do what they want, they are entitled to punish you.

16. Your partner embarrasses you in front of other people or talks badly behind your back. He or she might spread nasty rumors about you. They might talk to other people about how bad they have it and how hard it is to date someone like you. They might call you fat in front of your friends, or make fun of your clothes. They might lose their temper in the middle of a restaurant because they think you are flirting with the waiter. They might bring up personal issues at inappropriate times.

17. One and one never add up to two. You’re not always sure what the problem is, but things never add up. Nothing seems right. You never feel like you know the whole story. You don’t understand what went wrong, or why your partner acts the way they do or what you can do to make things better. If you follow what they say, things still don’t get better. If you work hard to fix one thing, they will find something else that is wrong. Even if you were perfect, your partner would make you out to be completely messed up. If he or she does something that is clearly wrong, they will find a way to turn it back around on you. If they hit you, they will make you feel like it was because of something you did wrong. If they cheat on you, they will blame it on something you couldn’t provide them. If you catch them lying, they change their story….You start to feel like you are playing a game to which there are no rules and there is no way out.

18. Your partner has to know where you are and what you are doing at all times. Miss a phone call from your partner? They will accuse you of cheating. Talk to a member of the opposite sex, they interrogate you about it. Come home an hour later than usual? You better be ready to explain where you were and what you were doing and why you were doing it. He or she might spy on you, check the messages on your phone, talk to your friends without you knowing, have people “check up” on you, hack into your email account or Facebook to see who you are talking to. They might tell you you are not allowed to hang out with a certain person anymore, or wear a certain shirt, or go to a certain restaurant. Of course, your partner is allowed to do whatever he or she wants and you are not allowed to question them, but they will control everything you do.

19. You feel sorry for your partner. Because they have a depressing family life, come from a broken home, had parents that didn’t love them right, are in debt, can’t hold a job, have a disease, a psychotic ex, a broken heart, low self-esteem….whatever their story is, they will make you feel sympathy for it. A lot of times, these stories are sad. They are heartbreaking. But they make you feel like you have to stay with them no matter how they treat you, or that they can’t help the way that they act. As real as they might be, and as sad as they might be, they are a trap that keeps you stuck. You can’t control what happened to them, and you can’t solve it for them.

20. Your partner is the life of the party. They are charismatic. Charming. A smooth talker. They always have the a comeback, or a joke. They can be funny, easy-going, exciting, attractive. They can also be  magnetic. You feel a pull to them, and they make you feel special. Eventually, this might turn into arrogance.  They act as if they are the smartest, hottest, richest or most successful person and everyone knows it. They will even tell you this if they get the chance.

21. Nothing is ever your partner’s fault. He or she can’t take responsibility for anything. They always have an excuse or a story or someone to blame: someone caused them to act the way that they did. You did something wrong first to make them explode. The police have always been out to get them even though they never do anything wrong. Teachers and bosses are trying to make things hard for them on purpose. No matter what they do, or have done, nothing is ever their fault.

  1. I dated a girl that had all these signs, especially narcissism. Women can be abusers, too… :(

    • I’m sorry that you went through this. You’re absolutely right– sometimes I think that people assume that it is only men that abuse women, but women can be abusers too and the damage to the victim is just the same. I hope that you have been able to get away from the abusive relationship and find peace again. Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in your journey. <3

      • I know how you feel. I dated a man like this for 7 1/2 months. he fits all of these. I kept telling myself that maybe things would get better but they got worse. I knew this guy for 5 years before i got involved. you really dont know someone as good as you think you do until you get in a relatioship with them. I had him break up with me so he felt like he was in control just so I could get out of the relationship. I feel sorry for the next victim!!

        • I’m 16 and he’s 19 coming up 20 and am stuck with someone who is all of these things I can’t get away from him he threatens me saying I will never ever live a happy day in my life again and says I should watch my family because they will get it too, I feel like there’s no way out, I’m a self harmer and have done it since the age of 12 and now I’m strongly considering suicide because it seems as if that the only way I can be happy and get away from him :’(

          • Let me tell you something, he is not worth it no one is worth that. you need to call the cops and file a ploice report againts him for threating you and your family. if he text you keep it do not replie. if he emails you do not replie just keep them. the police can use that as evidence. You tell him to F OFF!!! Do not repond to anything get your number changed if you have to. stay away from him.

          • You CAN be free of these people! Just be clever and careful if he is threatening. Leave NOW if you can. If you are too scared or unsure now, there are 5 things I can think of that will all help a lot:

            1) Get into personal development or therapy NOW. This can be an absolute life changer. The best 3 I know of are Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (scientifically proven, results in weeks), Landmark Education (most affordable, huge results in 3 days but may not be appropriate yet as you’re suicidal), and Internal Family Systems therapy. Get money by working or do whatever you can to get money from your family and friends to pay for this, your insurance may also cover it. It is all designed to challenge the attitudes and fixed beliefs and conversations you have in your head that have you not believing in yourself, feeling hopeless, insecure, and especially any stuff from your past that may have contributed to this.

            Abusers depend on you having unresolved thoughts and feelings running your mind – they will hook into your own inner voices and turn you against yourself, mental abuse requires your own cooperation in a weird way. They need you to doubt or hate yourself. Therapy eliminates the triggers you have and allows you to have a much stronger, confident, and often powerful response to abuse. Abusers will avoid you because they will have no power over you – you will make them feel very, very uncomfortable/insecure/invisible and they will not be attracted to that AT ALL. You will find you simply DO NOT ACCEPT this standard of treatment and will know what to do.

            2) Google organisations that deal with victims of domestic abuse and women who are abused by their partners. CALL THEM and speak to one of their councillors if they have one. Seriously consider speaking to the police and get feedback from a councillor on this if you are too unsure or scared. Make friends with some big guys who WILL stand up to you (and aren’t abusers themselves). You need some sort of structure around yourself that shields you and shows that if he tries anything, there WILL be consequences.

            3) You absolutely deserve to have friends who will stand up for you and help you be safe from jerks like this. Look inside your existing group or meet new good confident kind people NOW, to have a friendship circle that will show you love, respect and happiness and SAFETY. There are people like this. They will help you believe in yourself enough to never tolerate guys like this again. You can meeting new friends NOW, behind the abuser’s back. He may try and convince you you’re worthless and no one would want to know you etc etc – that’s all BS manipulation, pretty standard for this kind of person. Don’t let him know about the new friends, but let your new friends know about your situation after a while so if he ever comes back to try stir up trouble, they will be prepared.

            Are you really happy where you are right now, is your family supportive, is your friendship group good? If not, can you move somewhere else?

            4) As a last resort, if he is bored enough, he may leave. Be boring. Act depressed, unhappy, uninteresting intentionally around him (But don’t ACTUALLY be this way!). Try and be the least interesting or validating or gratifying part of his life. Stop validating him, just be a bit sad. Don’t show neediness or insecurity around him, but seem dull, empty and boring. See him as a kind of pathetic loser in your mind, but don’t let him know this. Expect him to try and paint you as boring/pathetic etc in this time, this is proof its working and don’t believe his insults to be true. In this way, you may find the abuser will just leave you and drop out of your life. He may show up some time in the future being all cool or nice or loving, that’s just because whoever he was abusing after you dumped his sorry ass.

            Do particularly steps 1-3, and you’ll find your life to be SO much better regardless of his crap, better than it was before you met him, and you’ll be FREE of him forever!

          • Hi, i dated an older guy who was a sociopath, it was only for a couple of months but i recognised the signs and after a lot of reading about sociopathic style I realised this is what he was….they will make you feel like YOU are the crazy one, that YOU have the issues, that YOU are responsible for all the arguments that you both have….and unfortunately they will wear at your self esteem till you start to actually believe it is your fault….its all about power and control with sociopaths, and yes it definitely feels like they are Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde, I felt like I was always walking on eggshells…

          • I am replying to the a friend story. I agree I did what you said play like you are depress and boring it does work. that is what I had to do. I dumped his ass 12 times and still was not getting the picture. finally I called him out on his issues oh ya that works to!! He did not like that either he knew the game was up that I caught on to his shit!! People that are like this are oieces of shit! as far as I am concern they do not deserve to breath. Let me tell you I am so glad it is over with. I have went back to school to better myself and I will have a degree while he is still working a dead end job and being a LOSER!!! Please girls or guys dont fall for the shit they say if you love yourself that much get out of a relationship like this. I thought it was funny because he poked me on facebook, and I removed it. since I did not answer he removed me which I am glad but that is not his way of thinking. He was thinking I will just get back at her I will remove her from my friends list! I busted out laughing because he knew I restricted him. LMAO!! Now I have people at work removing him as well lol!! Because he was going to there page to see mine, what a nut job. He claim he had all these friends when he dont have shit!! I talked to a theripest and she said people like this do not thing they have a issue. and they try to make you think you do. I decided that I was not going to be a victim, because that is what you become. I am to much of a strong willed person for that shit!! people like this are never happy they hate themselves that is why they like to control someone all the time. I just hope the next victim is smart enough to tell him to hit the road or I hope she is more crazier then him. give him some of his own medcian. And its true months or years from now they see you act like nothing happen and play all nice and stuff. thats when you just keep walking. once a piece of shit always a piece of shit!!!!

          • I disagree with the reply that male abuse victims are the same as female victims. I don’t think that either has a better or worse time with it, but part of the problem is that everyone treats them the same when they are actually quite different. Most women of my generation were raised to understand that it’s not our fault, that we have options to escape the abuse and that we have nothing to be ashamed of, even though we often leave the situation feeling weak, worthless and helpless. Men, however, often face a different stigma. They have the same feelings, but don’t get the same level of support. I’ve seen female victims criticize male victims for being wimps after being physically abused. Men may feel the need to overcorrect to take back control of their lives. There also aren’t as many resources. For example, many shelters for abused people don’t allow men at all and some have a cutoff age that prevents young men from accompanying their families (just imagine taking a teenaged daughter to a men’s shelter to escape your abuser and you might understand how uncomfortable this could be for any father). Male shelters usually don’t have the same support groups and counseling options, and I bet you’ve never seen a clothing drive for abused men. I understand the reason for all this, but it’s high time somebody title 9’d some additional male support, too. Abuse is abuse, no matter the gender of the person being abused and the solution isn’t to treat everyone the same, but to treat them as they need to be treated – like human beings who deserve to be safe and happy.

          • my ex literally fits all of these. she verbally, physically, and emotionally abused me. when her new bf had suspicions of her cheating (which she did with me because she denied he existed) he came to talk to me and i find out she was sleeping with him for months. the next day she files a protective order against me so i look like i did something wrong when up to that point she had been leading me on so i wouldnt move on. ‘I hate that you think these things about me. I was faithful to you. Hopefully someday I can show you how I really feel.’ ITS BEEN A NIGHTMARE & HER NEW BF CAUGHT HER AND STAYED….MASTER MANIPULATOR..She broke up with me by having sex.

          • sherie natem says:

            actually this site helped me a lot, 18 out of 21 signs my gosh i cried a lot when i knew that im a psychopath… my bf left me last week, it was our worst fight and he fed up, right now im so down but still thankful that i can accept the fact that im suffering this since i was in highschool and i know that i need to seek help just to help my self. i really feel sorry to my bf, he was good but maybe God gave him to me for reason.

        • Everything but the cloths situation was my ex. He just left me a couple of days ago and I am hurt and sad at this time BUT in the real world it was the best thing for me. I called the police 2weeks ago, I had bruses from a week ago 2weeks ago, a couple of days ago and from that same day when he hit me with his fist on my check. My check had a bump but no bruises and the charges were dropped because my bruises were old ones. My whole body was covered with them. He was so mean with his words also. He would tell me that his other woman made better sex then me and tell me I was dead in bed and of course his excuse was because he was upset at the time. I put up with this for 1 and ahalf yrs. He is a 3rd sticker for beating his ex and his other ex. I thought this was it and he would never get out but the law was on his side. I have always been a very happy person and so full of energy and have felt beautiful until he took all that from me. The other day I had dinner ready for him and I asked him where he was cause had jus t gotten out of work and I wanted to have his plate warmup for him. He came into the house and was very upset because of the way I sked where he was. I ran into my car and he ran after me and was trying to break the window but I took off as fast as I could. Im not the same person I use to be, Right now I hate my life and very disappointed with myself. We have known eachother since Kinfergarden and we are both 50 now. How can a man be so cruel and treat good woman like shit. Prior to this I was married for 30yrs to a drunk and my ex always said that because of the way I am is why I cant keep a man…I tell him, well I had one for 30yrs. so I must have been doing something right. He hates my ex, he dont want me talking to him and we have 4daughters and 12 grandkids. He is a sick man and right now this is helping out just by sharing this. Thank You.

          • Be glad he left!! People like him are the devil!!! You can do much better then that. I would not reply to any emails, phone calls or text. I know what you went through mine was all mental abuse but that can be even worse sometimes. he is still married and whoring around on his wife with a new girl so he saids. He got mad because I decided to stay with my husband. My husband is a awesome person. I just feel sorry for the next victim.

          • ive been with a man f 5 years i should of seen the signs but i did not i thought he was mr right he was everything to me the he started to try and get me to dress slutely he wanted to pick out my clothes he gave me permission to sleep with other men as long as he could be involved he said he wanted me to have my cake and eat it to he has slapped my purse out of my hand on a couple of occasions durning sex he asked me to call my son so we could have sex while he was on the phone he has pushed me sersral times because i wanted to leave he admites because he was stopping me from leaving he has tapped me when i was viviting my son and said i was cheating he says that all the time hes had the cops called on him because he was tearing up the house he says hes lost everything because of me i punched him once which was wrong i lost it because he kept pushing and shakeing me i had bruses up and down my arms that was my fault he says if i dont have sex with him its a 3 hour fight he turned something pressious to me and made it dirty and nasty he has walked out on me serveral times and blames me for it im not perfect i have yelled and have called him names which is very wrong but i feel like im looseing it i have a face book acc which i got to find my identical sister which i did after 3 years i cant tell him he will flip i have to hide and delete things so he dont know i am afraid if i tell him im leaving what he will do after all i just wanted to go for a drive and cool down he physicaly stopped me so anythings possible i applied at a little store for a job he fliped because i did not ask him first because there will be other guys there ive never cheating on him please email me i could use someone to talk to thx

          • LEAVE HIM!!!!! He is a nutt job!!!

        • SICKANDTIRED says:

          I have been with someone like this for 5 years and we have 2 kids together. He is always accusing me of cheating or talking to another man and I have told him over and over again that i am not but he still has this thought in his head that i am. he tells me what i can and cant wear. im not allowed to wear make-up or fix my hair and if my pants are too tight or shorts are too short then i cant leave until i change. he is always gripin about something then turns it around on me. he is not mean to our kids or animals but he is mean to people in general. he calls me names and tells me i am ugly and if i leave he will take the kids from me and that i am not allowed to leave with them. his mother also gets involved. she sides with him and says the same things that he does like im not allowed to leave with the kids and she and him are going to take them away from me. i just recently got a job but i cannot afford to move out on my own right now. should i leave while he is at work and can he take my kids if i go stay with my father?

          • Anonymous says:

            I would leave while he is at work. And no he can not take your kids unless he can prove you unfit. I don’t know what state you live in but the laws are different in each state. I know I would not stay mental abuse is worse the physical abuse! And your kids see him do you like that then they might think it is ok for dad to treat mom like that. If you have friends and family willing to help you I would leave. Let your boss know what is going on to and your hr person they could help you and the kids. I had a friend that was in the same boat you were. It’s not easy but you need to take that step you are better then that and you deserve a better life.

          • I dont know what state you are in but each state has different laws. unless he can prove you unfit he will not get the kids. if you have family and friends that will help you. I would wait until he is at work and get out with the kids. I would check with a lawer to fine out what your rights are. good luck

    • I just got dumped 2 months ago by a Psycopath.. for the 5th time! I was with her for 4 years from start to finish.. ALL the signs were there. Somehow I kept asking for her back!! She cut me off from the few friends i had and I was only allowed , in her eyes, to be in HER life. MY life was irrelevant!! I even knew what was happening.. I just couldn’t walk away. I somehow felt guilty for everything. and she orchestrated it so she was all i had so I would become dependent. IT Worked! I went from a high paying job and no debt to leaving my job with a house I now must foreclose on (that I bought for us and her kids) and no friends or potential future. She is the sickest most disgusting person I have ever met. And she beat her oldest son (even bit him) and I wanna report her but the abuse was a few months ago and she has everyone (including law enforcement) believing I am the Psycho!! I beleive the proof is in the leftovers. Who lost everything and who is out celebrating with her new Harley man?? That is the real test of who is who. I don’t know what to do. I do have 2 DUIs (i got since I met her) so my record makes me a target as well. I used to think she was just narcissistic but no.. the level of emotional sadism and callousness is pure 100% Psychopath. If she were a man I think she would be killing people.. seriously. I wanna expose her so much. but how? Catherine Z. from York, PA.. IS A PSYCHOPATH!! God bless and prayers to all the other victims out there.

      • I feel for you I am also going through a situation with similar traits….I am at the lowest of lows…psychopaths know what to say and do to get anyone to do what they want….they are pure dark entities…

    • Same here… I dated a girl like this over 4 years ago. It seems like such a long time but the truth is I am still not over it.

      Sometimes I look at my life and how she has completely destroyed me and I just want to cry sometimes. What hurts a lot is when I meet people who knew me before I dated her, and then they introduce themselves to me as I have become unrecognizable… when they realize who I am they quickly turn away… they cannot stand to look at me, to look me in the eyes and see what my ex has done to me.

      My ex was a girl capable of unspeakable cruelty and I have not been able to date since. It has completely ruined my life.

      Please be very careful everyone and do not let this happen to you. Monsters have no gender.

      • Anonymous says:

        They get joy from it – and the people that you thought were your friends just run away.
        Some of it is smear campaign by the pathetic ex, and some of it is just finding out that some people and things just don’t matter. Life begins over. Thank your shoes that she’s gone. It’s a great time in life with beginning.

      • Name Field says:

        They get joy from it – and the people that you thought were your friends just run away.
        Some of it is smear campaign by the pathetic ex, and some of it is just finding out that some people and things just don’t matter. Life begins over. Thank your shoes that she’s gone. It’s a great time in life with beginning.

  2. Wow, that is all I can say. My partner had every single trait you have just described. Literally. This is eye opening. Thank You so much for posting this article. God Bless

    • I have everything that is listed here. And I am not ashamed of it. It is in my mind like that. I am making the best of it, but it will always be there. So deal with it. :D

  3. My ex boyfriend is everything on this list. I feel as if I wasted four months with him. We are just friends right now but even that makes me uncomfortable.

    • Just be glad it was only 4 months. I married this person and had 2 kids before I realized he was always going to act this way. He definitely was a master manipulator.

    • Anonymous says:

      My boyfriend has these terrible traits.although i luv him. He is hurting me mentally,physically,&emotionally.

      • GET OUT!!! This is not good get rid of him. these kind of people it is a head game with them and they dont care about no one but them. i know just got out of a relationship with one.

        • Your will never be happy…believe me its going to get worst—unless u both give ur life to The Lord…They are sick and discussting animals. Even an animal will come to you and make u feel better. There is no name for these creatures of HELL…

        • Your will never be happy…believe me its going to get worst—unless u both give ur life to The Lord…They are sick and discussting animals. Even an animal will come to you and make u feel better. There is no name for these creatures of HELL…

          • I was in the same situation, we are both Christians and then he quit going to Church. He is crazy and I finally told him I was leaving. He then turned it on me and called the cops because while ibwa packing I told him everything I held in for two years. Like how crazy he is and you quit taking your meds etc. so he lost control and came back with cops and restraing order. I laughed and said that’s stupid I am packing and leaving tomorrow. I still love him and miss him and the good times but know its for the better. I have been in counseling and we determined he has PPD paranoid personality disorder.. He thinks people are following us because he suit the people who abused him as a child and got 4 million dollars. I walked away from a nice looking guy with a great body and lots of fun ( half the time) for my sanity. I still don’t have that back because of the abuse, never hit me but mental is way worse I believe, we’ll in a different way both are bad. But I am five hours away thank God because I want to call him sometimes because I think I can fix him now that I know what’s wrong with him. So thank you for getting the restraining order to protect me from your crazy mind.. God Bless and find a way to get out if u can.

  4. anonymous says:

    i cant leave, i love him, but hes killing me. i feel like im drowning alive, how do i stay away, or just fix it. help please.

    • You must find the courage to leave ,when they are at work or out of town. Dont let them know where you are ,change your number or dont answer phone,texts, no communication. They will try to write letters and call to get back with you. These indiviuals have to seek help on their own , most dont think they are the problem. I myself felt like I was buried alive , breathing shallow in coffin. I married young. They cunning and manipulate . The pain never ends unless you find the courage to save yourself. You can do it ,You have the power within yourself. They make you doubt yourself, second guess decisions. I know I was married to one for a long time . Now Im free and happy.

      • An anti -social person is insensitive towards others….lacks a normal level of empathy and true emotional caring- I seriously wasted 3 yrs of my life- because you knew the entire time you were fucked up- you lied by omission.

        I know u have heard of a game in which one spins a cylinder of a revolver loaded with only one bullet, aims the muzzle at one’s head, and pulls the trigger.
        Hanging out with you is like playing Russian Roulette- you never know at any given time whether u r safe or not ( from emotional invalidation, psychological mind games and physical posturing) . It’s reckless bravado which stops being endearing, manageable or worth the short burst of adrenalin id get when we used to hang out. Your mood was always “left up to chance” and I NEVER knew WHO was showing up……the nice guy, the drunk ,the argumentative guy,the silver merchant, political analyst, fun guy- over the pseudo relationship in ANY form

    • Seriously, I completely agree with Cheryl. I have been doing tons of research and he is not going to change and you CAN’T change him, because according to him you are the messed up one. It will just get harder and harder to get out of the pit, and no matter how hard you try you can’t be happy because he is always lurking there ready to attack at anytime. It’s hard but do exactly as Cheryl says, before it is too late. I am divorcing one right now and am scared of the lies he will most likely say in court even though I catered to his every whim when we were married to try and keep the peace
      . I am much happier now though than I could have ever been with him

  5. Wow! thanks for sharing this. My Ex has all the trait that you listed on here. I wrote my enormous life event of living a monster ex-husband. Took me 31 months to finally break free from him. I’m just so lucky to have been able to get away from my abuser and it feels so good to finally find myself again and live a normal life and being happy.

    • I was destroyed by this thing that pretended to a man. Was the biggest con artist I’ve ever met.
      Empty shell.
      (watch out because they will act like YOU are the psychopath & tell their story to others as if it’s you but it’s them that is NUTS). BE CAREFUL of these EVIL SOULS.

      • I agree I just got out of a relationship like this. It is all a head game with people like this. I just feel sorry for the next victim because that is what you become!!! I am trying to get my life back together now and I wont lie I do think about him sometimes. But I am so glad its over!!! I really dont see how people can leave like this. I am so glad i have good friends and family. they can help you through it as well.

        • I left my husband four weeks ago. I was single and happy for 14 years, met him online and it was like we were twin souls.
          I supported him for two years while he ” looked” for a job, reduced HIS debt by about $35k and worked without a break to keep up financially.
          I honestly and completely love him, I knew that things weren’t right but I hung in until I just didn’t have anything left inside.
          I feel like life is no longer an option, he gave me everything I ever wanted – I thought – but since researching Sociopaths realise he was mirroring my every thought.
          I am seeking help – for now I see nothing but black in my future.I finally realised I had to leave but because I was devoted to him, There is a huge void and I am struggling to survive.
          I am not in any fit state to give advice at the moment except to say if it feels like things aren’t quite right but you can’t really put your finger on any one thing – then get out early, just trust your instincts. I don’t want anyone else to ever feel as I do at the moment.

          • Mackenzie – I hope you feel a bit now that a few months have passed..

            The same happened to me, we had soo much in common, but all of it was just him saying what I wanted to hear – have finally seen through it, just getting out now after the 4th or 5th time trying to end it.. he comes round with flowers and sweets for my kids as if nothing has happened when Ive caught him on another lie and don’t want to see him.

            He has lived this way all his life and is a profesional victim creating drama and serious debt wherever he goes and blaming other people, after speaking to his freind who told me just how much money he borrows from all his friends and how is manages it I am finally done.

            He’s almost 50 and now living in his freinds spare room, no doubt hoping I was going to let him move in with me and let him continue to mooch off me in the house I own, eating my home cooked food and paying for any activity we may do, NOT anymore..

            Like you say, there was a little voice all the while telling me to be careful, to not let him know my financial situation and to keep him at arms length, he constanly talked about money and how is couldn’t pay his rent and bills which caused havock with his ex wife and kids, even physical fights with his sons, was always the perfect gent with me though but made sure I knew what he was capable of by telling me how things were with his family so I was always on my guard (I feel), also telling me what would happen if he saw me with another man if I ended it and what he did to his ex wife when he snapped at the end of their relationship, but then quickly back tracking..

            This time I have to be strong and try to find out who I am again as I am an empty shell after trying to help, support and advise someone who will never change-he made sure my life revolved around only him, with 24 hour contact and visiting so I only had time for him and ignored my freinds and family for 2.5 years which I know is partly my fault for letting it happen.

            Anyway, never replyied to anything before but its sounds like we were with the same man so wanted to say your aren’t alone xx

  6. stillhiding says:

    dated a woman who showed all those traits, I never knew such people existed. 4th year she cracked, that’s when things went really bad, lasted 2 more years with the last one where I was actually scared for myself and child. long story short I ended it, blaming me. I am financially ruined now, but no worries, it won’t be for ever. Oh i have read many articles now concerning those types. believe me the radars are up. run as fast as you can, see the signs, know them, be aware.

  7. My ex-partner had all of these traits..
    Now just getting over’s really hard.. Because they hurt me sooo much.
    She was a kleptomaniac, narcissistic, manic-depressive, and compulsive liar…
    She’s a horrible person, and I don’t understand why she did any of this.. And can do this to someone that gave her everything.. I know now you cant fix anyone.. But it was soo hard.
    I was with her for 4 years.. And finally after 4 years, the truth revealed itself….
    She cheated soo many times and lied about everything..

    I pray everyday to get over this.. And just want to move on… But it’s so hard…

  8. I believe I am with someone like that now. I never do anything right and if I point out something he has done he says it’s different. I am constantly trying to fix what I have done wrong. I feel like a child. He makes me feel stupid on every subject. His ex girls has warned me but he told me that there will be people that will say things about him because of his work. He was always the sweetest most thoughtful person I have ever met. It took about 3 months into the relationship for me to start seeing some of his traits, unfortunately it was after I moved in with him and he got everything in his name. I have turned down jobs because it just doesn’t fit in his schedule. So now here I am without a job, no vehicle cause I spent every dollar I had on the house with 3 kids. I just don’t know what to do. I have tried to leave and he made me feel bad about it saying that everyone gives up on him and no one takes the time to understand him. He has made me look at myself totally different. If I am in a good mood it never last long. He always tells I am prettiest when I smile but then he is always making me cry. I just don’t understand what he gets from it. I just feel stuck.

    • I have the same situation. I am with my partner for about 7 years, I had a job,rented a flat in centre london,had savings. He was so sweet and nice,we mooved together and after one year when I was pregnant he become an abusive. all I did was wrong, all my friends werw bad, even my douther. We bought a house , I’ ve spent all my savings on the deposit, so, after 4 years houses price gous up and he decided to sell it. It was on my name,and I ask him to take 60% of the profit and not live together any more ( profit was 150 000) but he said he need all money to do a business or he will cut my head off. He was illigal,but he got a visa because he is my partner and we have a son . He doesn’t love me,only controlls,but he will never leave me because he can loose his visa.Now I am with 2 kids, no money and have nowhere to go.

      • For god sake please leave. Go to a refuge anywhere. After reading all these stories I’m particularly worried about you xx

    • Anonymous says:

      I was in an abusive relationship for about a year. I never loved myself enough to move one. However, I recently found out that I was pregnant. It only took my a week after finding out to leave him. My child was already more important than any threat he proposed. I allowed him to treat me the way he did but would never allow him to do that to my child. He claims I am trying to take his child away from him, I would never do that to any man, but I will take my child away from a situation I feel would be harmful. Previously I had tried to leave him many times but he always pulled me bam with the empty promises and threats and I found myself being extremely upset after out break ups. This time was different, I made a clean break. He had broken my phone in out last fight thankfully so he couldn’t contact me. We lived on the same floor at college so I withdrew myself and stayed at a hotel room until my mom came to pick me up from school. It’s a few months later an I can confidently say ignoring him and all that he says is key. I have not cried one tear over the breakup or have missed him or our relationship once. I never could have done so if it wasn’t for the strength my child has given me. For all women out there in an abusive relationship please just ask yourself if this is the man you would like or want as a father or husband.

  9. I haven’t learned my lesson the first time. Now I’ve just broken up with a guy who is 5 times worse than my ex. He has rage issues and he is a borderline. God forbid I change my plans with him a couple times, he makes it seem like I am abandoning him. Obviously I’m not allowed to have a life of my own. He berated me for not displaying my ideas the way I first met him through the dating site. How can I express myself when his self righteous attitude trumps my opinions. I was quite timid in our two months of dating.

    He disliked many people, talked constantly about ex girlfriends betraying him, talked constantly about his awful childhood, and he even has crazy writings on the walls about how his mother/father ignored him. He told me I was trapped in a box (same job and problems). He never cared about what I wanted to do in my life so he just assumed I will stay stuck. For some reason he loved bragging about women who likes him and Asian women who are gorgeous. He compared my behavior to an ex girlfriend, he enjoyed reveling in his sexual conquests, and now I think he gave me an STD (I’m itchy). Always talked about his disdain for black people and immigration which he threatened over email to call and deport me. He only said this because I radically took down my dating profile. It doesn’t make sense for him to ruin my life that way (I’m very legal).

    He constantly complained about the idiocy of women in society diminishing us to dumb cunts and whores. He claims he loves and supports his family but no one in his household likes to invite him anywhere. He’s in his late 20′s and refuses to grow up playing video games and living in a teenage bedroom. All of this I put up with and he’s making me out to be an evil female.

    Nothing is ever his fault, he takes zero responsibility for the issues within himself. He calls me immature but he deserves the same attitude if he’s going to act like a douchebag. He believes he’s grown up but it doesn’t mean whining about the past, having uncontrollable moods, throwing a tantrum when plans change, and not being able to compromise. He needs a few years of therapy and medication to calm him down. I’ve asked him before how he dealt with some issues and his answer was religion. It can be part of the solution but he has way too many layers of madness. He’s even told me his brain thinks several things at once. Maybe I should be so glad it’s over or else one of those voices will tell him to kill me.

  10. justoverit says:

    Wow for a long time she made me feel horrible. She really has no feelings. WE broke up 3 weeks ago and she is the one that wont talk to me and makes me feel lousy. Nothing was ever her fault. Allthough all of them pertain to her i think the biggest one that hit home for me was the feeling ignored. When i think about it i am not upset that we broke up or that i saw us being together for the rest of our lives, just that she is so crazy that she will feel no remorse for the situation she would rather just move on and date another then talk about what went wrong or how it happened because she dosent want to admit to her flaws!!! Extremely frustrated and hurt!!!!!

    • ilovecrazies says:

      I have been through a similar thing with a guy who I actually broke up with. He was so possessive and even delusional – always accusing me of seeing other guys when I never was. I was so in love with him. We broke up and he sent me mean and hateful messages cutting me down so I blocked him, etc.
      I ran into him on the street and he somehow dragged me back in, only for me to find out he was sleeping with another girl, who he was showing all my texts to. Fucked up!!
      I had this part of me that missed him and felt so rejected- but in reality, honestly?
      I should be thankful, that he has someone else to obsess over. I was not happy when I was with him. He couldn’t even be a real boyfriend. It was just all about him and his stupid BS and HIS life, HIS happiness, he could never be held accountable for anything he did to hurt ME or cared how I felt, ever.
      I am much better off but still i feel the sadness and longing… I am working on that in therapy. but-
      NOT by trying to get back with him. He is a loser.
      THIS i know. But the anger is so hard to deal with. I feel for you, but know… you don’t belong with her. You belong with someone who will love you as you are and appreciate you.

  11. I recently broke up with man who has some of these traits. I was warned so
    many times that he was selfish, manipulative, and at times so hurrful. He at
    times can be so loving and affectionate but once he didnt get his way he will become hostile and verbally abusive. No matter I did to try to fix the
    relationship it was never enough. Even when his friends told him he was weong how he treated me at times he will try to justify his actions. I spent
    over two years in this relationship and I have totally broke down emotiinally and physically. I lost weight cant sleep and pretty much fealing that I lost myself. The hardest thing about this is that I had matter what I always thought that I should be patient and understanding. What
    I realize is that it was him and his flawed character. The hardest thing for me is trying to start over. I gave the relationship so much that now that I broke it off I feel empty and exhausted. I know its not right to say but the relationship totally makes me never want to try this hard and give so much.
    to anyone. Im seeking counseling because I am aware of how my past relationship has turned me to someone I am totally not depress, insecure, numb. My personality has always been positive, outgoinf, giving, and loving. IF you are in this type of relationship it is often hard to walk away. The truth is you have to leave when u ready and hopefully have a good support system. I just recently got of this relationship so Im hoping I could try my best not to fall back into this toxic cycle.

    • hi

      i have went true the same thing i am still seeing him on and off now he tells me he wants to be with me i love him so much and would love to be with him if he gets help and chances but i know that wont happen i need help to and would love to know what kind of help your getting i need yo walk away

      • Flo, I tried the same thing dating him off and on. he promised me he would get help and everything else. he wont change!!! you have to love yourself to do that. I told myself that I love myself to much to let a person treat me this way. like I said before it is all a head game with people like this. they always have to be in control no matter what. people like this have head issues and it takes a lot of therpy could take years before you see any results. I am a very strong willed person and I understand you love him, but life is to short to let someone treat you like that. People with issues like this prey on people like us. loving, caring then once they are in they knock us down. stand up and tell him GOODBYE!!! You can do better.

  12. Anonymous says:

    I was with someone and have a lot of emotional problems… I wanted to walk away but I loved him. In the end he left me and made me believe I was the reason for his sadness. I felt stupid, I gave up my friends for him and still fear that he’s watching me. He knew all my insecurities and used them against me. He’s on top of the world now and going to college. I lost my job cause he was my whole world and put him before everything. Now I’m heart broken and alone. :(

    • Anonymous says:

      Sounds familiar what’s he doing at college?

    • Greyfox says:

      Not doing art and design is he?

    • I was in the same situation. The relationship wasn’t right but I loved him and promised not to leave him. I couldn’t break my promise and lived with an incredibly emotionally unstable and manipulative man.Then one day he left me (and like in your case, he said that I was the depressive one, that he couldn’t stand it anymore- which was not true because I’m a strong and positive optimist…)Several months after it was over, people starting saying that I literally bloomed in front of their eyes :)
      Friends will come back (if they were true friends, they will come back), and you will be fine…Time will heal you and I guarantee that you will fall in love again :)

  13. I’m not sure what I’m doing here and I apologize in advanced if my post seems an off-top.

    The thing is that I don’t consider my boyfriend a psycho but there are very strange and sad things happening between us.

    We met a bit more than a year ago, like in a fairy tale… Since then we are in a long distance relationship though we have already done some steps for my moving to his country to live with him.

    I love him with all my heart. He is my first love though I’m 27. He’s younger – 24. I know that he loves me too. And he is really a wonderful person – intelligent, talented, with a perfect sense of humor. He also is loving and caring. As well as this, hard working and he works a lot now for being able to visit me in my country. He’s ready to take the responsibility for my moving in with him, also for the time before I find a job. Really, he’s an amazing guy. But I wouldn’t be on this website if there wasn’t something going terribly wrong…

    I never posted on forums anything like this before but I just feel so confused, I keep loosing track of what’s happening – either something is wrong with me (which I never noticed or felt before) or something is wrong with him.

    I don’t know how to describe what’s happening but we seem to have discussions every now and then. The worst thing is that they start out of nothing and if I’m completely honest, it’s not me who starts them. I’m far from thinking that I’m ideal or sth but I’m a peaceful kind of girl who doesn’t like conflicts and where possible I try to neutralize them.

    However, my boyfriend seems to find faults in so many of my actions or words that I sometimes feel that I can do nothing right. And with our discussions it’s always the same story: he gets offended by some stupid little thing, I say I’m sorry if I offended him and try to explain that I absolutely didn’t mean to. Then he starts telling me off about “the way I acted” as if I was a kindergarten child. And at some point I have to admit I lose my temper and start reacting, trying to make him see that it feels unfair for me. Then he will very logically bring me to the conclusion that everything is my fault and I find myself in the situation that I don’t understand any more what is wrong and what is right.

    Sometimes it seems to me that he even provokes me on purpose (may be subconsciously) to make me feel guilty and to make me say sorry for a whole bunch of things. He, in his turn, will also say sorry but for something almost irrelevant and definitely not for something I would like to hear “sorry” for. So in the end I still feel that it’s unfair and wrong but I just can’t so logically and consistently explain him why. Also because he will pick my words out of context, twist them, prevent me from being focused. When we’re in an argument I often feel like he gets me into the corner.

    I don’t think I’m an ill person to be treated like this and I really do my best for him. I love him. Why does he need to hurt me? Why does he find faults where all the other people I know wouldn’t see anything wrong?

    The biggest problem is that when I try to quietly talk to him about it he says it makes him feel as if I was saying he’s crazy or a complete idiot. He doesn’t seem to want to listen.

    At the same time I know that he’s a decent and noble person. He would never do anything dishonest. He’s not a cheater or liar or the one who bullies the weak – no, not in the least. And I know his family and friends. They all are nice people.

    Moreover, as I said I know he loves me and he does a lot to show it – with words and with actions too. So for me it remains a mystery: why then does he do this to me? Or to us – ’cause he gets hurt not less than I do when we have these quarrels.

    Might it be low self esteem? He doesn’t seem to have it low at first glance. However, he seems to feel jealous every time I go somewhere, even though most of the times I don’t even see guys, only girls. And if you only knew what a horrible time I’ve had recently when I had to go to Turkey for a business trip! At first he was saying he was too worried about me and that’s why he didn’t want me to go there. But I had to and we were 4 evenings for many hours on Skype – arguing, arguing, arguing…

    Does he not trust me? But I don’t know why, I honestly give no reason for jealousy. I don’t care about other men at all. I really love him!

    I’m not sure anyone would be able to read this to the end – sorry for so many letters. But if someone does, could you advise me anything? How to help myself and him… Or at least, please, someone, give an opinion: am I doing something wrong? What is happening to us?

    • Anonymous says:

      Honey, I mean that in the most loving way. I am a woman that was married for 10+ years and the entire time I spent trying to please him. I am now 38 and after awesome self discovery in psychotherapy (don’t be afraid of that term)…I learned many things about me, which is why I tolerated the crazy making. I learned I had rock bottom self esteem and zero freedom of expression. I learned this through voicing my feelings. At first it was very hard, because I didn’t recognize my feelings and couldn’t put a title on them. All I knew was that I felt burdened. I encourage you with the greatest love to pursue what’s inside you with therapy. It probably be THE hardest thing you have to do in your life. Investing in yourself before a relationship will = THE BEST RELATIONSHIP! XOXO

    • Getoutofit says:

      Orrange, I will have to agree with the previous reply to your post. This person might be loving, caring, honest, noble and with amazing friends and family. But he is capable of cornering you and making you question who you are and your intelligence. If anything the person who you deserve to have by your side is one who will be there to do the opposite for you.Just remember, no amount of happiness provided with someone can ovverride the feeling of helplessness provided by them. I myself have not been in a relationship with a psychopath, I however have witnessed my mother in such a marriage with my father. Witnessed it very closely I can say. I know all these traits, one by one and I can recognise them from afar. My father is still an amazing man, he loves his children, he strives to have a healthy relationship with them and knows how to be caring. That, does not cross out the capability of being a manipulator and everything that comes with that. I wont call it a layer of madness but it is the inability such people carry to understand and distinguish between their very contradicting traits. Some days they are happily kept in the box, other days they need to come out and cause a fuss otherwise they do not exist. I understand how hard it is for women to hold back and not believe those meaninful eyes that say “ill change, i love you” and do all those beautiful gestures to win them back. Of course I do, I have been seeing that for the first 20 years of my life I feel like a pro in detecting them! BUT the thing is, as genuine as they seem when they say sorry is as harsh as they will be when they push you against that wall (literally or metaphorically).

    • Hi Orange,

      At this very moment I am actually having a problem similar as yours. My partner that I have been dating for more than 2 years now and she is totally making me feel wrong almost about everything. I have lost strong ties with my family and some friends because she wants to be the only person in my life. She gets jealous with everyone and hates me if I’m trying to build relationships with other people. When I say build relationships, no malice relationships. She is the only person I know that sees everything with malice. I am so angry right now because she always uses her insecurities against me and I feel helpless and pitiful. But now I just received a text from her that seems to be wrong sent, telling that she’s packing her things and moving out of our place (she seems to be talking with some friend of hers) but I don’t wanna care because I think it’s one of her manipulative ways again. I LOVE HER, and it hurts and sucks that she’s like this but I can’t help her if she makes me feel I’m crazy too…:(

  14. maracuya says:

    my exhusband cheated on me on one golf trip to mexico and told me he did it because i did not put soap in the bathroom for him.
    we have a 4 year old. he makes me feel like less than nothing . he is
    20 years older than me and he always tell me how old and fat i am getting. i am 25 with 130 pounds.
    he invited me and my baby to eat in a restaurant where was a girl h
    he took on vacation while he still legally merried to me . he took her to the place we stay after our wedding.
    he talk about our divorce with everybody at the restaurant infront of that girl . he call me gold digger .
    he call the girl gold digger too and keep talking about her infront of me and my baby. the girl have a baby about 2. he start calling her baby to our table and my little one play with her baby . she is not his girlfriend just some one he spend some night with but he said they just talk in the hotel room and did not do anything. i feel so bad about everything we where merried for 5 years. i was 19 when we got merried.

  15. Anonymous says:

    I have to say he is one big loser!!! be glad you are divorced from a liying, cheating jerk who wants to make u feel bad about yourself when it sounds like you are just a good loving woman…..

  16. For me it started with the disrespect. I only dated him for 5 months and (not seriously) anyone who says they are not an honest person should be done with. He blamed everything on me things that normal people would fess up to. He is a liar, cheater, and manipulator. I’m not even angry, I just focus on myself now. I realized that the whole time his conscience was eating at him. Phony people never want you to get close because they are always hiding from themselves. Dealing with phony people means you are not being honest with yourself. Being honest means looking at why you are putting up with that situation. I just said you know what I’m never going to speak to you again. They try to “work” it out. But you know in the back of your mind it means nothing. You talk to yourself to make yourself feel better and the situation is always crazy. Always excuses,lies,never genuine.He has all the people fooled who don’t care about you but the people who truly do never are glazed over. Never listen to other people always listen to your gut.I say that recognize you are a king or queen. Nobody completes you. You complete yourself. Don’t fret over nonsense. These vampires get power from being cowards. They attack you because you represent everything they fear which is strength. Rise above

    • Wow, I feel that we know the same person except mine was my wife. You’re statement struck close to home. Way too close. Even my friends had pointed out how phony she was and the statement about having all the people fooled who don’t care or know me is so true. She would flip out when I would talk to some of our mutual friends and let them know that she wasn’t following thru with counseling. She didn’t want them to know the truth about her. Her image was being destroyed. Trying to look the way she wanted each of her friend to view her. This site and your experience are valued. Thank you for sharing and I pray that you have moved on. I am still slowly healing from a person who truly ruined my life. My mother had even told me before I marriend that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I can’t look back but I will definitely think twice and take others advice.

    • You are sooo right!!! I relized that when I said goodbye!!! I know I am better then that. I love it when the relationship is over, then all of a sudden they have someone else NOT!! They will say anything to get back at you. I sit back and laugh!!

  17. Omg..I’m thrilled I found this. I’m about to move out of a house me and my soon to be ex boyfriend got around 3 months ago. I absolutely KNOW FOR A FACT he’s a psychopath now. We’ve been together for almost 2years now. I’m just at the end of my rope with the every day bullshit with him. I have 3 kids,one who is a year old,and his. I have two older children,who he likes to constantly put down,pick on and punish. He’s a sick man. Nothing is ever his fault,he twists everything to be about him. He’s always a victim..of course I’m the bad guy. I’m worthless to him. The verbal abuse is unbearable. He puts all of his personal business on Facebook (like our fights and trash talking on me) in hopes to get some type of attention or pity from people. Hell lie to his familys faces to get them to take his side.
    Some of them believe him too! He fabricates stories so I’m always the wrong one,and he’s always the poor thing being tortured by me. I constantly apologize to this man,but nothing,and I mean NOTHING is ever good enough! This guy managed to get me and my kids evicted from our previous home,I don’t own a car now..and I’m about to lose my job because if I don’t kiss his ass constantly..he won’t allow me to use his car. Everything is HIS (car,house,kid,money) that’s why I can’t stand to be here any longer. His ex warned me too,shame I didn’t listen to her sooner. The only trait he doesn’t have on this list is he NEVER APOLOGIZES. NEVER ADMITS HE’S EVER WRONG. its all me. Even when he hurt me,its somehow my fault. Man,can he twist things around. I feel crazy,but now I see it is him.
    He also blames me for him being unhappy. Says he feels unloved and unwanted. Even when I make a true effort to make him happy,its obviously not good enough. Besides that,he tells ME he doesn’t want or love me. He says this daily. U think I’ve been that low? No. He’s just plain miserable. He always will be. And Omg,can he hold onto the past. Any small mistake or wrong I have done,ill never live it down. Every time we fight,that’s his famous thing….bringing up the past. Even if its been years,he still feels the need to keep making me feel like shit for any little mistake I’ve ever made. It’s sick,because I never do that to him.
    Anyways,its been hard with little family and friends I have left,he’s turned everyone else against me,or pushed them out of my life. I have few resources,but dammit,I’m determined to get away from this madness. It’s not healthy for me or my kids. We deserve to be happy too. I can’t wait to be rid of the monster that slowly tore me down…

    • O.M.G. Have you been living with my ex lol. I have never read a post that looked like it was me who wrote it. Amanda stay strong and get out asap. I threw mine out June 19,2012 and have never felt such a relief. Let me warn you though, mine has just started harassing me online talking a bunch of nobody cares shit. He even messaged my granddaughter talking trash and calling me unnecessary names. It makes me want to go off on him and this is just what he wants. I WILL NOT feed into his narcissistic disorder. Good luck and keep us posted.

  18. Courtney says:

    Thank you for this article, it has really opened my eyes. I can now believe I am doing the right thing by not being with him.

  19. Thanks, all, for sharing your heartbreaking stories, and I’m absolutely sorry to the core of my being for all that you have endured in your good trusting and honest nature at the hands of these callous, cold, master manipulators.

    I came here because I have been worried on and off since we met that my husband (same-sex relationship) of eight years might be a psychopath. That being said, I tend to be dramatic and overly analytical, and after reading the checklist and hearing what you have been through, I realize that I have probably just been dramatic in my assessment, since while he certainly demonstrates some of the traits above, I was quite shocked to learn that I think I demonstrate even more of them than he does (which is still but a fraction of them, and there is no way that I consider myself a psychopath, as I have deep empathy for most people and living creatures and have trouble hurting almost anything).

    I just wanted to thank you all for setting my mind at ease and helping me to finally figure out the truth of my relationship… I think you are all so brave and wonderful, and congratulations to all of you who have escaped these ghastly nightmares and come out the other side alive, no matter how bruised and scarred you might have ended up.

  20. se guys…this girls just told u what t
    hey are attracted to.

    what a turn on…

    • Really? You have the audacity to assume that this is what they are attracted to?

      The truth is, these psycho’s present themselves as angels from heaven, and all the while, they are so damaged that they could NEVER be that. They are so damaged that there is NO HOPE for them. Does that sound harsh? Well.. I hoped and hoped for 6 years… and guess what. He never changed, but the day I started sticking up for myself and our kids, was the day he disengaged and found a new victim.

  21. Barbra sindfall says:

    I went through the same thing with a guy, he made me feel great at the beginning then changed when i wanted to get close to him. He started accusing me of all sorts like stalking him and showing people msgs that i was out of controll. Its not fair and right.

  22. Oh boy, number one’s a definite.

    And there’s absolutely no reasoning with them. It’s like the lights are on but there’s no-one at home.

    My psychopathic ex-girlfriend didn’t boil the bunny but she did go on holiday and leave it to starve. It ended when I came home from work to find I was locked out and she refused to open the door. She then called the police and said she didn’t want me in the house. They roughed me up and threw me in a cell and the bitch kept or destroyed most of my things. Being a man, there is absolutely nothing you can do in a situation like that – the police will automatically take the woman at her word. Seven years later I still can’t fully trust a woman and wonder if I’ll ever be able to have a relationship.

    • Hey J.T. just don’t go out with ANYONE that you are attracted to… You can almost guarantee a repeat.
      I spent 11 years single between husbands… but I was attracted to the same type of person because as much as I believed that I had grown (years of therapy, and self-improvement) I hadn’t changed who I was attracted to.

      After many nightmarish relationships, you have to ask yourself – what is my part in it. My part is that I am gullible and would believe EVERYTHING someone said to me, whether they followed through or not. Hence the saying, ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS.

      Another tip… if they talk bad about other people (family, friends, bosses, etc) it is only a MATTER OF TIME before they start talking about you that way.

  23. I am now confident my ex is crazy. We dated 5 years broke up twice during that period due to his infidelities. He came crawling back begging for forgiveness every time. On the 14th I found out he was screwing around with a bunch of random chicks when one of them called me when he was passed out drunk in her bed. She then wanted to meet up with me. I met up with her, I suppose to compare myself to her and see what she had that I didn’t. When she left I texted him that I had me up with her and I knew about everything including girls he has been hooking up with on Craigslist he has never replied. The girlthat called me said she was ggoing.g to dump him although she probably didn’t because the Wednesday after that she texted me to tell me he was in jail at 3am. I didn’t respond, why would she feel the need to text me?

    I don’t know why but I want him to beg me to take him back, to call, to text, to email. To do what he used to do. I want some reassurance that when he asked me to marry him, just two months ago, and told me nothing would make him happier than to move in with me and start our life together. Why? Why couldn’t he just let me go when we broke up the last time? He has been with that girl that called me since we broke up last time, I was healing and moving on and even working on a new relationship that I gave up on because I thought it was real this time, I thought I was going to get my happily ever after.

    I have been in other relationships with cheaters and liars so why can’t I get over this psycho. Why do I want him to contact me so badly? I know I would just ignore it. Its been 10 days since all of this went down. I keep blaming myself, trying to i
    magine what I could have done differently although I know deep inside nothing would change.

    I haven’t heard from him since I texted him. The girl texted me saying when she got back to her place he was crying and throwing up and she was going to take him to the doctors. Why does she feel the need to text me? Like with him being arrested for a DUI? I know he has court tomorrow, I guess I just assumed he would have followed his previous patterns. I am trying to take this time to heal myself but I can’t help but feeling that he will eventually try to come back into my life. Will he try?

    • Yes, he will keep bothering you because he knows you will take him back. I would tell that girl that you do not want to hear from her period. that you dont care about what he does. You need to move on with your life. I know what you mean, I have been broke up now for 3 weeks. I wrote him a letter telling him that I was working things out with my husband then all of a sudden he has someone else!! I laughed!! People like this male or female have issues deeper the you know. They do not care who they are with as long as they are not alone. They always have to have someone to control!! I am meeting with my EX This Saturday and i am bringing my husband with me so he can not keep me there to talk. We are exchanging our belonging and i do not want to give him any reason to keep me there to talk. I know once i have his stuff out of my site and house I will feel much better. I know at first he kept delaying it and i sat here and thought if he has someone else, then why does he want to keep my stuff. that tells me he has NO ONE!! He ran back to his wife because he knows that she will take him back no matter what he does. Because this is not the first time he has had a affair on her. People like this live in the moment and they dont give a shit about none but themselfs!! It is like a big pissy party they always play the victim. I would tell him to HIT THE ROAD!!! And to LOOSE YOUR NUMBER!!! Good luck!!

      • I decided enough was enough and that its gonna suck and hurt for awhile but I dont need this. He tried texting the other day all the txt was was a period “.” Maybe I
        Just being conceded but I doubt he accidentally sent that, but rather was trying to get a response. I didn’t respond the next day I got a call from a private number no voicemail nothing. Im guessing that was probably him seeing if I would answer. Its too little too a late though, last week if he had pulled this I know I would have been vulnerable enough to fall back into his life believing the lies and stories, but I think the text that only had a period was a wake up call. When someone genuinely cares about someone they don’t behave like he did in the first place much less act like a coward and only send a period in a text after 2 weeks of no contact and then call from a private number. What a douche!

        • I know what you mean, you have to just cut all contact with them. When he text you or call you or emails you, just ignore it and turn away. Me and my ex just exchanged our items back this past weekend. Man he was mad because I gave everything back he ever got me. love letters, cards, stuff animals a neckless. I told him that I did not want any of it!! I felt like it was all a lie and that he could keep them. he text me and told me that he only wanted his dog tag back because he is a ex marine. I made sure that I did not leave any doors open for him to come back into my life. I did not reply to his text i ignored him. then about 30 minutes later he text me all nice saying that he is keeping my pictures and my letters!! I dont know why he claims he has someone else so why would he want to keep them. not only that he is still married to. he knows that if things do not go right he has her to fall back on. it is really a shame!! I hope he gets what he deserves. maybe the next victim will be crazier then him!!! lol I can only hope

  24. i’m also stuck with my abuser he just got close up in my face and said f*** you b**** you ant going no f***en wear your my b**** u got that, and while I was lying down in the bed he slapped me straight across the face with his sneaker and he wear a size 16 it frightened me to death did he mean to do it? idk? and just like i said when you get married i’m gonna still be f***ing you. I have tried restraining orders, no contact rule, and h still hangs around my family and friends and he is still raping me and abusing me its like I can’t stop him. but I got a trick for that ass i’m moving and he doesn’t know it but kind of afraid because my family and friends love him to death and i’m sure that they would tell him were I live just to see us together and like he said till death do us part what ever that mean.

    but for who ever is in an abusive relationship please like i’m trying to get out and stay out. stay safe, be careful, and God Bless.

  25. Anonymous says:

    You described my ex husband and to this day he blames me he put everything he did to me turned it around and said I did it typical. I was fooled and I was the kind of woman who thought I was so smart and it could never happen to me, well it did. I will never be the same he destroyed my life. I try to move on the run into someone someplace and they know him & I here all the sick lies he told and I believe he thinks hes telling the truth. He is an expert manipulator and plays victim to get sympathy. When I met him all heard was about his evil ex girlfriends until I was married to him and the truth came out it was never them it was him. I am haunted by the nightmare everyday. Last person I ran into found out who I was & called my future boss and said I was a stalker refused to give him a divorce didn’t even show up at the hearing lol I filed he never responded and he never showed up and I lost a job because of it.I brought the papers proved I was telling the truth but they did not want that kind of drama around them. This happens over and over. I know the truth I know what he did he broke me down mentally and emotionally then got physical even forced himself on me I relive that over and over. People believe him because he is that good I feel sorry for the ones already came and gone and the ones yet to come in his life, he will destroy them mentally, emotionally and financially because money is what it is all about for him it’s a game. I am not angry I am traumatized hurt I am only mad at me for being such an idiot for falling for him.
    For those of you with someone like this if you think they are like this run and never look back I almost lost my life, I had strokes health problems due to the stress, lost my home, family , friends, and myself. It is not worth it because in the end they do not care they do not have the ability to feel for anyone but themselves. When they do hurt you no one will believe you because they are that good. I wish he took my life at least the hell I live in everyday and the trickle effect from it would be gone. Does this sound like something you want? Please be smart take your time check their back ground question things that do not add up. I know they are on social net works dating sites and lie they will tell you they have great jobs make a lot of money they could even tell you they were the presidents personal assistant and you will believe it they are that good. I am not sure I will ever recover fully from this I do not dwell on it I keep running from it trying to move on and it keeps finding me and causing problems over and over. My only option is to change my name leave the state I live in and have no contact with anyone I know. So tell me is that right? No but its my reality. He cleaned me out financially ruined my credit I lost everything had a house at one time ended up homeless for almost a year. I am facing being homeless yet again because I can not get a job in the town because of the slander and he is the one with a criminal record for what he did to me. Sad really is.

    • Im almost where your at right now ,I had one ex stalking me for 6 yrs got people doing same thing,got a friend to put a billboard up saying his ex had a abortion telling people its about me when i never had one ,he knows all the cops he is friends with alot of them ,he is applying for a city political position ,I cant find a job he tells my new employers false info ,small town ,have people follow me ,house was broken in to ,told the police but nothing was done ,they all stick together , he knows alot of influencial people . If it was not for me having a teenage child to keep me on focus I would of lost it by now ,we thought of moving away but he knows to many people and would track me down ,I ask myself every day now whats next .I hope no one has to deal with phycos like this , I blame my self for not seeing sighns from my ex friends told me ,they did not want to deal with the drama and harrassment that hes capable of, all can do is try to keep my chin up may be one day this will end .

  26. my girlfriend got all these signs. many times decided to break up. but dont know why feel bad for something and cldna leav her til now.

  27. Phillip H says:

    Wow! It is funny how looking for one thing on the internet brings you to another. Finding this article was totally unintentional.

    I was in a relationship with a true psychopath some years back. It really took a lot to get back on track afterwards. I had to deal with other things that led me to want him in the first place. This article is EXTREMELY accurate and quite helpful to anyone in this situation. If you don’t believe this, try establishing some boundaries surrounding these points and you will see the mask fall quickly. Although one can say that I was a victim, I found that I was more accurately a person with weak boundaries. I saw so many people keep him at arms length or stop communication with him completely but of course, this observation came as hindsight. I guess I had to keep myself blind for protection.

    I am glad I came across this article. Thanks.

    • I know how you feel, I am still trying to get my life back on track. Thank god i found out in 7 months. I know some of you have infested years. I am so sorry! I do feel better but as much as i hate to say it, I do think about him sometimes. He sent me a text saying that he was keeping all my pictures and letters, I am like WHY!!! He claims he has someone knew so why keep that, I do not get people like him. I restricted him from facebook. He poked me on facebook twice but I just removed it. I think he relised he was restricted and removed himself from my facebook. I am glad because I was going to this week if he did not. I dont understand how people can be like this and think that its normal. I relised that my husband is a ANGEL!!! I am glad we could work things out. I think if me and my husband could have not worked things out, I would have never got involved with anyone for a long long time. I think now it would be best to just a background check on someone before you date. It is sad that it has come to this but better safe then sorry. I relised that I have a loving family and friends and a home and a good job. my physco wanted me to through that all away. He has never had anything and wanted me to be the same white trash!! NOT!! I want people to know men or woman dont put up with someone like this. I dont care how much you love them they dont love you and you need to GET OUT!!! It is a control thing nothing more!!

  28. I have been searching through articles about verbal and emotional abuse. I’m going through it right now with my BF. It has taken a strong psychological hold. I feel stupid for allowing it to happen. I kept thinking he would change, after all, he is a Christian, in the church every week, Bible study, and prays all the time. And he came from a war-torn country. So I gave excused him from his behavior because of what he went through. But we got in a big argument over a T-shirt he wore that was controversial and offensive to people in the country we are living in. But he didn’t listen. Finally, people asked about it, I was honest, and explained the shirt, and he got angry. Told me, I was like his last GF hard headed, didn’t listen, but he’d chose her over me. He called me a liar, fake, and used to talking just to talk. He doesn’t want someone like me, and he’s sick of me, and prays to God he won’t hit me or smack me. I feel stupid…and I have began to feel I’m worthless. He has matched every description written above in the list. Sadly, I feel trapped…not physically, but psychologically.

  29. I’ve wrote it in the wrong place worried for young child he said given my daddy to heartattacks he will be reading this now he hacked in to all my different phones also I know it sounds so stupid. But am with o2 I’ve phoned them but they think am stupid but he his doing it and now one will help to sort this out am scared but so scared for my youngest he hates children so my daddy is dieing and I won’t let him hurt my child I might be very ill with multiple selrois but am not letting him hurt my little cockle I adore help my child please he has the right to live in don’t care about me yes am so very scared don’t want to die but I won’t let him hurt my child anyone would give there life to save there child or anychild

  30. I’ve wrote it in the wrong place worried for young child he said given my daddy to heartattacks he will be reading this now he hacked in to all my different phones also I know it sounds so stupid. But am with o2 I’ve phoned them but they think am stupid but he his doing it and now one will help to sort this out am scared but so scared for my youngest he hates children so my daddy is dieing and I won’t let him hurt my child I might be very ill with multiple selrois but am not letting him hurt my little cockle I adore help my child please he hass the right to live in don’t care about me yes am so very scared don’t want to die but I won’t let him hurt my child anyone would give there life to save there child or anychild
    You have just sent me a message that’s what I mean yes I wrote it in the wrong part but not all. This I’ve said if you look check the wording like I said he should hacking into this black berry now and he that’s what I mean please save my youngest he is so jelouse off its so Scarry can’t use this for emails don’t know how to 28kilburn drive shevington wigan wn68bw thanks pray for my cockle please I love him my. Child

    • Hi, I would suggest that you change your lock on the door while he,s out ,arrange a time for him to collect his stuff which you will leave in bin bags outside. Get help from family and friends. If you can tell his own relatives what he’s been up to and keep a diary and photos of bruises, abusive messages and texts for the police. I have been told that my four year old , has poor social skills ,timid,lacking in confidence as a result of him witnessing his fathers treatment of me whenever he has a bad day. It,s verbal abuse, the other day I offered him a cup of tea only for him to grunt nastily at me I responded that ok I wouldnt make him one, he shouted at me to f**k off and slammed a door really loudly. My son has been asking why daddy upsets me. My sons school have advised me to get counselling, because it’s hard to be a good mother when you feel traumarized, trapped and scared. I’m present but not totally present if you know what I mean. My partner didn,t even stay awake and help me when I was in labour, just went off to sleep while I was in agony, never held my hand once. Always feels sory for himself but twists rhings ,makes me feel guilty,I’m in debt as he hardsly gives me any money, but he flew into so many rkages about the state of the house that I felt compelled to spend and improve it. He did appreciate this and calmed down no psycho outbursts for two months, and then he got bad news at work, cue mr nasty again. Any way I’m planning to kick him out, I thought I wa doing the right thing by my son, as he is a loving dad, bot now I think I should have left when my son was a baby, as knowing he was an abusive mentally deranged man I never wanted to live with him

  31. I dated a narcissistic guy – he had most of these qualities above. Isolated me (lost a couple friends) – always wanted to know where I was (justified this by saying that he wants to make sure I was safe). Would ask a dozen of questions (what is the ratio from girls to guys?) if I went to a social. When I finally broke up with him, he says that I was a manipulative fraud. He blamed me for everything. He said that I used him and that I am a coward for running away from this relationship – and that I am looking for something that only exists in my imagination. My friends were relieved and happy that I am no longer with him – and it took me 2 years to see all this. He wanted to know everything about me yet he would withheld information. He used that to control me. He has no true friends so he suffocated me. He verbally abused me. He complained about this or that and always made a fuss about little, trifle things at the restaurant (food not good enough, food not hot enough, location of our table, bad service). He has said a lot of nasty things – the more he does this, the more certain I am that I made the best decision to flee from this relationship.

    • Yes you did!! I was in the same boat girl! and thank good mine was only 7 months. my friends helped me to. listen to your friend specialy if they are good at reading people.

  32. Wow …..i read all of your comments and i was also was with someone like this over nine years of my life…..and he is the one with the issues and he would tell me i was the one with all of these problems wow he completely destroyed me and thank god i got away from him and got HeLP!!!!….he is gonnnnnnne out of my life and he is married for the forth time ,he went and got a mail order bride my thought about her is she is someone he can control completely…..little does she know she just married a pyschopath!!!!!!….. right now im sure he is sweet to her but the MONSTER will appear soon enough …..the sad part is i loved this man with all my heart that he broke into pieces with out a thought…..i still love him i cant turn off my feelings but i would NEVER be with him,recently i have gotten private calls even in the early hours of the morning and i know it is him but i will never talk to him again….i wish everyone good luck and get some help you will feel better in time!!!!!!!

  33. AnthonyNHtoKY says:

    A little about us. I have been in a relationship with my partner for a year. We met last year when I was on a business trip. A few months ago I relocated to be with her (Over a thousand miles away). I changed my job, I sold a lot of my things, and packed up items and put in storage.

    I notice she has a psychotic episodes that lasts about 3 days. Afterwards everything is fine for exactly 14 days, till another 3 day episode happens.

    My partner leaves passive aggressive notes and pictures on Facebook, while at work, to let me and her friends/family know that she is mad with me. She does this instead of talking with me directly.

    She lets every little thing about my friends, family, and past relationships bother her. I am basically disconnecting from everyone in my support network every 14 to 17 days.

    She tells me she thinks my friends dislike her. She tells me that I am lying to her about being in love with her. She screams at me.

    When in an argument I keep a level head and attempt to be logical to help resolve whatever is wrong. She attempts to trick me, by using semantics, into saying something that will cause to prolong the fight. If I do not fight with her she has tried to manipulate me by saying I do not care about her, and how I hurt her.

    I never lifted a finger against her, blow up verbally on her, or try to change her. I share what I make so we can have a better life. I help keep the house clean, the yard tidy, and I cook 90% of the time.

    I keep giving it my all. I feel I am with a person that goes looking for things to go wrong. When she can not find something wrong she makes up something to get mad at out of something I said.

    It feels like she is sabotaging the relationship.

    What to do?

    • GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN… or waste many more years of your life trying to make someone happy that will NEVER BE HAPPY. Been there. Done that.

  34. WOW.. a real eye opener.. ex has everything described above in everyone’s stories and had left me feeling like I was the crazy one. No matter what I said or did noting was ever right. Good luck to us all for losing the psychopaths in our lives!

  35. OMG. I dated and am still putting up with this kind of guy for almost 4 years, yet I don’t know how to get away. Whenever I am about to be over him finally notice someone, just at the right he would come back to me and sway me back over and over again. Help!

    • This is an addiction. You can get over it. Join a 12-step Co-Dependents Anonymous group – you can find them through the local hospitals, or online.

      I know. I was addicted to an evil man. Had two children and it does NOT GET BETTER. GET OUT.

  36. I’m really suffering right now….i have been with this guy for 4.5 years. We were high school sweethearts. I got pregnant at 16 and had to get an abortion; it was the hardest thing i ever went through and he blames me for it still. He disrespected my family over and over and he is absolutely cruel beyond comprehension. but when he wants to be nice he can be so amazing, so sweet, and we have the most passionate relationship. but the fighting is brutal and soon it turned into cheating but he justified that by saying i rushed him back into a relationship (after a long break)…except i did NOT rush him, he wanted it and even so that does not make it okay to hook up with 2 girls in ONE WEEK….:( anyway recently we broke up….he found this new girl shes even more pathetic then me….she thought she was ppreg and they were living together…. he strung me along telling me he was getting rid of her and wasnt sleeping with her…that was all a lie…he was having sex with her four time a day!!! she told me this. i talked to her and shes a very damaged, weak girl. i think thats why hes preyingon her. anyway he got mad at me for talking to her told me i was a worthless c*** and should die. next couple weeks go by she tells me shes not preg. i ignore the text, trying to move on with my life. then, he messages me…..telling me he screwed up, shes a lying cheating slut etc and he wants me back and will stop at bnothing. hes telling me how much he loves me and how he made a mistake. we talked for hours and he even said hed move back up home for me which is something ive been wanting him to do for a while since this is all long distance… anyway i booked our dream vacation…i was so excited we had all these amzing plans, i was visiting him in floerida, told my rents i was checking out schools. it was perfect. then on my BIRTHDAY he decides to tell me he has been seeing this girl again….he cant stop thinking about her…hes in love with her and she loves him…he doesnt know what to do he loves both of us….im heartbroken. he p[romised not to do this to me. and then he tells me hes seeing her right now….hangs up. im dying in pain. next thing you know he says he made a mistake coming back to me….he was upset over her and didnt know where else to go…he loves her now (shes local, she has a place for him to live, her fam DOESNT hate his guts, etc) oh and shes more of a doormat than me…. anyway he tells me he made a sex tape with her and is going to send it to me because i was texting her (she texted me first) telling her to run for the hills, hes bad news… of course i cant even take my own advice…. anyway he wont see me…i have a 400 non refundable plane ticket and i dont know what to do….he is living with her again he hates my guts….i dont understand how he loved me for years and now this girl he barely knows…he loves her???? the cruel things he said to me….telling me im an ass for trying to ruin his relationship w her how he needs her to be happy. but i dont get it…. how did the tables turmn like this? he loved me forever…now im nothing and this random girl is everything? i dont get it….i dont know what to do…should i go there anyway and fight for him? im so hurt and confused i know i dont deserve this…help :( please

  37. I was in the train and i saw a familiar person standing at a station with a woman. it was the insane guy from the past. I think he went to the same place that we went to when we first met. I could tell by the station. As the train left the station i imagined myself saying to the woman ” walk the other way.” seeing him at that particular station was disturbing. He is the same, if not worse i’m sure.

  38. Anonymous says:

    I am so fed up!
    Thank you all of you for telling your stories, it’s like reading about my own life!
    My life was great, I had great confidence, had a career starting up and I loved my life.. fast forward 4,5 years and I hate my life, I don’t have any career and the study I had going on is nonexisting. To add to my misery I was stupid enough to believe him yet again when he practiacally begged me for another chance and that everything would be different this time (at that time I hadn’t really realised he had so may problems) and now I am stuck sitting at home in HIS country which is on the oppisite side of the planet so my family is literally asleep when I am awake!
    He didn’t start being THIS mean to me until we moved here where he grew up and where HIS family is! I don’t like his family, they are extremely selfish and don’t share any family values that I grew up with but religion has nothing to do with it thankfully!
    I am older than him, I’m 28 and he is 26 and tonight he has made up yet another arguement about nothing! Like he actually doesn’t have a leg to stand on since he elbowed me in the face in frustration (says I’m lying) and because I was not about to let him hit me again I pushed him away but my as my luck will have it (or he put himself in harms way) I hit his face not hit chest and he absalutely went mad! He was already saying nasty words to me but nothing I hadn’t heard before and then he just started to be the mean version of himself!
    He then stood up and walked out and got in the car where he called me, I didn’t want to answer because I wanted him to calm down first and go for a bit of a drive. I really didn’t think he would make the same mistake twice and not come home. (twice is an underestimation by a longshot) Now to clarify, last month he did the same and went to his dads place which is about 100ks away from us and he stayed there for 5 days! Every time he called he accused me of locking him out of the house and stuff, btw his dad came and picked him up that time at 2am! He had made out so much which I hadn’t realised that I am mean to him. I also am convinced that he is an alcoholic on top because we rarely argue unless there is the weekend or there is an event coming up which might serve alcohol.
    Now after being together for this long and with everything that has happened (verbal, physical, emotional abuse and alcohol abuse) I have made it clear that I am not living with an alcoholic and therefore he has had to let me know what he wants to do in the future ie. drink or not since it is my right not to live with the abuse he throws at me when he has had even only one sip! Who changes after one sip?
    Then again just now that I am typing this I am wondering if it isn’t the alcohol, it’s just him and when he used to drink when we lived away from his family and country he couldn’t hide his real self because he doesn’t need to have drunk to be mean now.
    I am also insecure because I believe he cheated on me just before moving here hence he had to beg me to come and he promished that he hadn’t and he could proof that to me… well big surprise it’s been over 7 months and he hasn’t done anything at all, not even as much as bringing me flowers home!
    I feel so stupid because here I am alone in his country not even on any real visa status since we aren’t married, I refused to marry him until I can have my family at my wedding (or maybe my inner voice was keeping me safer) But to sum things up I haven’t really had a job since being dragged around the world with him making his career and living in 4 different countries in those years we’ve been together. I have no money, well we don’t because he got us in HUGE debts, and all my stuff is here, I know I shouldn’t think of the stuff but I am and I know I will miss it if I leave it here. I believe I could possibly get myself a planeticket away from here in the next 2 weeks but then the questions come storming through my head… Am I overreacting, I am not entirely innocent I do have a big temper and I have been really quick up since I found all those messages he was sending wich I wouldn’t have found out unless I had noticed that his phonebill was rather large the last couple of months so I had a look and I found over 300 messages in one month! Who sends 300 messages to “someone they barely know”
    So anyway I am angry and therefore I am quick up and take a longer than normal to go back down when he does the smalles of things, I do try but when I never feel him trying I really can’t take it anymore.
    And what sort of a dad plays a part in all of this??! I called him tonight, both of them because I was scared out of my mind of the spider in the house, yes I am terrified of them and I asked him to please come home and take it out of the house. His words were “jsut get used to it!” and his dad just handed him the phone and didn’t talk to me. I am alone in this stupid country and terrified of insects and all they can do is hang up on me crying hysteracly on the phone! I ended up calling my dad for a bit of courage to capture the spider.
    Who doesn’t run home to make sure their girlfriend/wife is ok when they are crying on the phone?! He kept saying that I was lying and just wanted him back home!
    I am really getting confused, he has made me really paranoied with him cheating and the lying and I can’t deal with him having a phone (I don’t take his phone off him) but it is hard so I ask him to tell me who he calls and I’ve told him that if he wants me to trust him again he will have to work on that too but he only does bare minimum and not even that!

    I don’t know what to do, is he a psycopath or “just” an alcoholic? He can skip drinking for weeks, last time was over 3 weeks ago which was when he was mean to me last OR is it a bit of both?

    I am alone now, I am alone in HIS country with no money and he has gone to his dads house where they just had takeaway and most likely his dad has given him some money to go down to the pub to do who knows what.

    I know I need to get out of here but he is so fantastic in between. He has been like my dream since he came home last, appologising every day and holding me in his arms and making me food when I’ve been sick and been wonderful. Am I really the bitch he tells me I am (and apparently his whole family) or am I right to be on this website asking for your help and support?

  39. I was in high school when I first dated my ex. We dated for a year and a half. I broke up with him due to the possessiveness and jealously. Fast forward 20 years. I contacted him and pursued him for a relationship. He was married and I was married. My marriage ended and I waited three years for him to leave his wife. She left him. In the beginning it was great. He was everything. However, his mask soon came off and the verbal abuse began. Then the punishments began, silent treatment because I didn’t do as he wished. Things from high school constantly thrown in my face, everything had to be his way because I broke up with him in high school. After jumping through all of his hoops, bailing him out of jail and allowing him to live with me for 6 months without paying a dime, the cheating started. Of course the cheating was my fault because I went on vacation with my children. I ended the relationship but am still very much in love with him. Of course, everything that happened bad is my fault. And of course, I am crazy and he is telling everyone that. And to be honest, I still wonder daily if I am in fact crazy. Although the things I asked for the in the relationship were not unreasonable, he made it sound like my wants or needs were ridiculous and how could I even ask or expect such a thing. Will it ever get better for me?

  40. Yep sounds like my ex.

  41. Wowwww is all I can say! I dated someone who had the majority of these characteristics. My friends and family told me this repeatedly but “I love him and he will change” No he will not. We were together about a year. It was a constant mind game. I was scared of what to say or what to comment or to talk about due to the fact what I would say would get twisted and used against me, in some way or another. I never got many apologies but more of “well you know I’m an asshole but not all the time”. It could be something very minor or just because he was having a bad day, he would take it out on me. It would start with just like a simple question and no matter what my answer was it was wrong and started a fight. Which usually led to him calling me a fat whore, or a stupid bitch. But when I wouldn’t respond to that (name calling doesn’t bother me anymore, it used to upset me now it’s just like okay whatever) he would say something about my kids. What hateful mother fuckers they were or what not. And he has made me leave in the middle of the night, get the fuck out don’t ever come back I fucking hate you, if you don’t leave I’ll call the cops and have your fat ass removed. And it’s like I got to where I knew what would set him off, particular things that would happen I knew before he even started cussing me he was mad. Sometimes it would start with the silent treatment then proceed into the hatefulness. But he has put his hands on me a few times, and said things like I hope your heart stops beating, wouldn’t nothing make me happier than reading your obituary in the news paper. Then a few hours later I was the love of his life again and he couldn’t live without me.
    I would dread a schedule change at work, especially if had forgotten to tell him until like the day before. He always said I was creating doubt. I make myself look guilty.
    He checked my phone, usually when I didn’t know, although I caught him once and I was like if you want to look at it just ask instead of getting caught. I wasn’t allowed on social media websites although he can be. He has all of my passwords to everything but yet I have none of his.
    Some of the things he says just doesn’t add up or they contradict themselves, especially if it makes him look like he is right.
    What really has hurt me the most is when I was having tough times, like you know just sad or upset he would either start in about something or just literally turn his back on me. Although he said I didn’t know how to communicate. Why would I communicate? Everything I would say would be wrong. And he never believed me, unless I had proof or someone else could back it up.
    And of course nobody would ever think he’s this way because he is funny and so sweet in public. He is two different people I swear! The sweetest happiest man that can make me the happiest girl in the world, to the most hateful person I have ever met.
    The last time we had an argument he choked me and had me against the wall, I saw the weirdest look in his eyes, one that I haven’t seen or paid attention to before?, and it scared me a little. I hurried and left.
    A few other things that go hand in hand is the control, wanting to know where you are at all times, and things like well if you would’ve done what I said or I told you to do then you wouldn’t be having any problems. Which is control do what I tell you to do.
    Anyway I could go on and on and on. The things I’ve had said and done to me are not too short of omg who would’ve even thought of that. I am not going to lie, I still love him and miss him a lot. But it’s a vicious cycle and it doesn’t take long for the bad to totally out weigh the good…. I’m just glad I realized it now instead of many years down the road.
    I also stumbled across this site by accident but I am so glad I did! It totally helped me to realize what was wrong with him because I did think for a long time I was going crazy! Thanks for this article and all of these posts.

    • That sounds a lot like my husband.
      Doesnt get better

      • i am in the same situation.he left me couple times and i still miss him and want him back

        • I’ve just let boyfriend of 2.5yrs today and am staying with friends until i find a place..i lived with himin his house.he’s now texting and ringing crying saying im his world..two days ago i was cheating with my ex! he makes things up in his head..i still love him and miss him. im not moving back in but don’t know if i can cut contact..

          • Tell me about it. My ex pulled the handbrake on my car when I was drying, trashed me car, now its my word against his. he is is bits crying saying that I made it do it and that he is sorry but will never admit it. I love him so much and am internally fighting that he is a good person and I cannot cut contact. However, feeling so low and crying every time I talk to him is not helping. I am in the same boat, may restricting contact to just once a day may help you grow stronger. thats what I intend to do.. x

  42. Mr Luis Bright says:

    My name is Mr Luis Bright,i live in Mexico,and I’m happily married with a lovely wife and three children.I had a very big problem with my wife few months ago,to the extent that she even packed her things away from me and my kids for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring her back,but all to no avail.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster,and i quote.“There’s someone who can handle your situation,he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting,i will like you to contact him with his email,which is as follows.”AYELALA SHRINE”. I never believed in spell casting,but he convinced me and i had no choice than to follow his advice,because i never dreamt of loosing my lovely wife.And that’s how i contacted him with his email address,and i discussed with him and so surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my wife back a day i never believed,until when i got home,the next day,my wife called me to inform me that she was coming back…..So amazing!! That’s how i got my wife back through spell casting and our relationship was now stronger than how it was before.One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by “AYELALA SHRINE”. So! my advice for you out there is to visit this same website,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back,to have a happy family.THANKS……

  43. heartbroken says:

    Wow. I am in the midst of an almost 3 year relationship with a man whom I love very much. I guess there were signs earlier on….he would try to go about how he always disappoints everyone..blah blah (as if I would have ever said he was a disappointment -this was in the beginning when i thought he was perfect….I had no complaints then). The first year of our relationship was mostly great. I spent more days then not at his house. We are both dog lovers and about a year and few months into our relationship, we got a brand new puppy to add to the dog that he already have. I moved in. Soon after, I found texts he had been writing to another woman. He lied. He made the most ridiculous lies about about the whole situation, but he is a lawyer and commited to those lies. He mad me feel like a bad person for even suspecting him of anything (even though it was pretty blatant). He told me it was my fault. Eventually, I figured out it was a woman that lives a street over who I have to see every day (I do not know her at all). To this day he still denies anything happened, and this is after he has clearly betrayed me with her again. He even lied about her name. She has sent me horribly cruel texts through out the last year and when I changed my phone number (his recommendation), she started sending pizza’s to the house with his number attached, just to get to me. I am in my 30′s…I am not a child. This relationship is not a joke to me. She follows us around the neighborhood all the time. I have seen her hide behind bushes and run to catch up with us. Throughout all of that, he somehow blamed me for her texting me, harassing me. He got mad at me when i showed him the texts and tried to talk to him about it. I am fairly certain that he is now seeing her while at work. I caught him in a lie the other day and he went ballistic. He has been increasingly cruel to me. Every time we have a disagreement he becomes more and more cruel. I am stupid. I embarrass him. It is none of my business. and worse. He messes with my head and makes me think..maybe it is my fault. He certainly tells me i do a lousy job at showing him i love him. i used to tell him i loved him all the time, but he got mad at me bc i said it too much. It is crazy. I am a strong woman..or I always thought I was. I never thought I would put up with any of this. I think he really believes that I am some horrible woman. He hates that I dont just believe his lies and get over the things he does right away, but that can’t possibly be realistic. Who continues to see a woman behind the back of the woman you love..even after she has been harassing your love and hurting her? It is just so cruel and confusing. I don’t even know anymore if I am right or wrong. He literaly got mad at me this morning on the phone bc I asked if I should wash the sheets. Basically said I dont give a shit what you do. Just yesterday he was sweet to me. He was sick all weekend and I took care of him. Yet he still sees her and lets her laugh at me. It is so hurtful. These dogs…I know its stupid, but they are really important to me. Closest I have to children. I can’t bare the thought of leaving them behind and especially my puppy..she has spent all but 4 weeks of her life with me…I cant imagine leaving her(and him bringing that woman into her life). This woman will do anything to get what she wants. I do love him. I just wish he could start dong the right thing. Be nice to me(he is sometimes..but increasingly less so). He used to be so sweet. He barely looks at me anymore. He used to be amazed that he was even with me (he had a crush on me a long time ago).He would care if I left. He would feel sorry for himself. He would probably be happy and go around telling the people we know and care about around here that I was horrible. and I lose everything. The man I love. The dogs that mean so much to me. The people we care about. It is just so heartbreaking and confusing. I don’t know what to do. I have barely talked to anyone about all of this, and the few who know anything certainly dont know all of it. It is humiliating and I dont want it to be true. I am so sad. I want it to be better.

    • That is a story to familiar I can read. Move on and stop trying to convince urself he is gonna change. Actions speak louder than words. I have been in 4 abusive relationships from verbal to physical and emotional abuse. I have 2 kids with 1 of the abusers and 1 kid with another one of the 4. They still abuse me but that’s only because I left and they didnt realize what they had till it was gone. I have an amazing man who loves me and is supportive as well as honest and communicates with me no matter the conversation he don’t assume negative thoughts out of our conversations. U need to be strong and think about u and what u need to do to move on

  44. uwontcatchme says:

    After reading this I’ve realized that I am an abuser and guilty of doing all the above but I’m not sure what kind of help I need I already see a Psychologist and therepist twice a week but I can’t stop the things I do or at the least stop hitting him don’t get me wrong he’s a gym rat and could easily thrash me but I know he never would so I hit and kick or punch him harder and more often. We recently had a real nasty fist fight and for the first time in 9 months he did not come home and his phone is off I’m praying he’s safe but does it mean he’s safer without me? How do I get him to come home?

  45. Stephanie says:

    Hello Everyone,
    I’m 21 and the guy I used to date was 22. I met him in college, but at the time I was 19 going on 20. He was very interested in me when he first saw me. I was iffy about the whole situation, because I didn’t know him. I ended up taking the time to get to know him. Well after the first few months of dating we ended up breaking up, and got back together. After we got back together I ended up falling madly in live with him I thought after all the fighting our relationship got so much better. Well we ended up breaking up again, I went through a deep and dark depression, and honestly didn’t think that I would recover from it. I had an angel on my shoulder and I moved to Florida and made a new start at life. I stayed in Florida for 6 months and in those 6 months my ex boyfriend at the time ended up coming to Florida and confessed his love for me. We got back together again and dated for 2 months and yet again we were broken up, he always broke up with me for no reason. I cryed for days. I ended up moving back to my home state, and we reunited once again. He is an extremely emotional person, and spoke to me like I was trash. After reading this article it occurred to me that all of the signs totally fit is actions. I want to be with a man who loves me and respects me. I went through this for over a year. And it hurts to finally buck up to someone who has controlled you, but when you finally let him go. You feel the biggest relief. I feel like I’m strong again.

  46. Anonymous says:

    funny thing i found this,
    my ex girl and i dated for 3,6 years and she did most of these things. After 3 times of breaking up with me for no reason i still took her back. The last time she cheated on me, and that is the thing i would never cope with so i dumped her. she got engaged after 1 month relationship with the guy she cheated me with… good thing i got rid of that! But yes most things on this list is true and regretfully i experienced a lot of these things and still recovering from it. Never allow others to make themselves a victim and make you feel you owe it to them because you had a good life!

  47. I don’t know if anyone has a similar situation to mine but I’ve been stuck for about four years now with An extremely rude abusive disrespectful guy. We met when he was 16 and I was 17 I had his baby when I was 19 I am now 21. Long story short he has cheated on me beat me and has gone to jail for it. He said he would change his lieing and over controlling ways but he hasn’t. So now I am living with him 3 months ago I moved out of my Parenta house for the very first time (which I regret) I am on a 13 month lease with him we both work full time to pay bills and support our daughter but he still is over controllinghe always thinks I’m cheating he is beyond disrespectful and manipulates me. Today he threatened to hurt me if I move out or leave him: I’m trying to protect myself and most importantly my daughter but I don’t know what to do.

    • Make plans to get out – it will be the best for you and your daughter. Get a restraining order as soon as you move out. Protect yourself and your daughter. You deserve to be treated with respect and you don’t want your daughter to believe that kind of abuse is NORMAL. It’s NOT. TAKE ACTION. Imagine that this was your daughter in an abusive relationship. Would you want her to stay? No, of course not. Be careful.

  48. I met this guy and within 3 months we were engaged… now we are married. He acted like the perfect man in the beginning and I was on cloud 9. He pretended to be the guy i was looking for and now he is the opposite… and I’m the insecure, crazy person for expecting him to be who he represented himself as. He knew everything from my past and knows all my insecurities. He prays on them. Exploits them. He threatens to cheat on me, tells me he wants to have sex with tons of other women, tells me he is in love with his exs to hurt me, tells me he is only with me because of the great sex and that I’m hot`, and he is a monster verbally and physically.. and then blames it all on me. He has every single trait as listed above. He has told bad things to all his friends and family. That way he has the upper hand. He talks about how amazing he is and how worthless I am. He hits me and then gives himself bruises.. and then takes pictures of the bruises to use against me. He doesn’t feel bad about hitting me. He threatens to kill me all the time. He blames me for this behavior. Then tells me I’m psycho while he is the one acting like a monster. Someday it will come out that he is an abusive sociopath.

  49. What do you do when both of you are phsychopaths?

  50. Oh god.
    My boyfriend is a psychopath.
    Im not aloud to hang out with friends, Have Facebook.Im not aloud to talk to guys, or even women. He cant trust me around his own friends.
    He calls me fat, and a slut.
    He says he doesn’t want to go certain places because of my past ( he wasn’t in my past).
    HE calls every one scum, and he thinks he’s top shit.
    He makes me even turn against my parents.

    But in the end, I really do love him..
    But is there a way I could get back at him, and make him feel horrible.Im only 16 And this man treats me like absolute shit.
    I just want to see the day when he’s in pain and needs me.
    And its not me crying every night.

  51. my ex boyfriend fits all these categories. he was constantly fighting with me about a male friend i had. he basically told me that i couldnt be friends with him and keep him asa boyfriend. i lied to him a couple times about just texting this friend. i always talked to him about my boyfriend, for advice. but he always found out and would turn it around and make me feel like i did something horribly wrong. he manipulated me a lot. and whenever i went somewhere without telling him, he would get mad. this went on for about three months until i finally stood up and ended it. but the pain didnt stop there. he harassed me and humiliated me and told lies about me after i broke up with him. i had moments when i considered suicide. i felt alone and still after that i had to see him at school every day. he seemed very happy and felt no remorse. i tried talking to him again months later, and we started talking again once things simmered down. but of course the same issues came up. he continued to treat me awfully. randomly getting upset and angry, or just suddenly acting like he didnt care about me. he tried telling me that i was the only person he treated terribly, and that should be a hint that i am a piece of crap. i finally had to just promise myself that i wouldnt respond to his texts/calls.

  52. My ex girlfriend fits everyone of these. I have been apart from her 2 months now, and getting my life back on track.
    When I was with her, she would not let me see my friends or family. I have 2 kids with her, which obviously she now uses against me to punish me for getting a new job once we split up.
    Everything was my fault, I am told I am good looking by everyone but when I was with her she constantly put me down and I now I have no confidence whatsoever and she is meeting every guy under the sun right now and txts me when she does. I am afraid to talk to people in case they turn out to be like her.
    I just hope I can pick myself up eventually, its very depressing as I am trying to talk more but since I was with her 24/7 for 3years, I am so used to not being allowed have my say.

    • I can relate to this me and my wife have been together for six years and she is exactly the same she uses my three kids against me and is very manipulative, I know I am a nice looking man women used to love me know I’m just a anxiety ridden depressed 28 year old trying to get out for good but scared of the revenge! None of my good friends talk to me as well as my family besides my mom, dad, and brother. I am glad for post like yours because it shows me I’m not the only one even though I feel like I am! Thank you

    • I know what you feel.. my boyfriend makes me feel like i’m always wrong and he is never wrong all our figths are my fault also he blames me saying i need to change… but i know i didnt do anything.. he is driving me crazy im thinking in suicide because how bad he is making me feel.. i love him too much but i dont even see he love me like he keep saying.. he made me delete my facebook, i cant have my family talking to me because he dont want to, he is always calling me names like bitch when he feel like i have offended him ( inside his mind i am always trying to offend him or accusing him even thought i didnt try to at all) he is driving me crazy each day more, i try to keep going because i love him but this is making me so depressed, so down… i dont know what to do… i need help..

  53. I was in and out of a relationship with a person like this. At the beginning he was so nice bent over backwards for me. Did and said everything right. And then I found out he was married although not living with her but regardless he lied. That’s the whole point he said he lied not to lose me. He always lied but would deny it. It drove me insane for an entire year I really tried to hold on to him. He moved into my home and within 4 months moved out 3 times! Because I was really trying to save the relationship. I’m in my late 40′s so I didn’t want to start all over again. He started bringing down my self esteem calling me names calling me ugly, etc. But at the beginning I was beautiful and fit. I lost my good friends because they got tired of hearing all the crazy stories about him. And I truly believe he made me insane for that time we were together. I should of known there was something wrong when all his adult children all 4 of them don’t talk to him. And I found out he had a domestic violence under his belt and more than 20 driving violations. In addition he wanted me to put my credit card for some advertisement and when I didn’t agree he called me cheap. Well sorry once you give your information to a company you are screwed. Now he wants to be my friend and I did for a while but it was a friend with benefits and I can’t do it anymore because I feel like I’m losing my mind thanks to this nutcase. I deserve better I look great for my age and I’m not ugly.

  54. I started dating a boy like this when I was 15 and stayed with him until I was 17 (he was over 2 years older). Worst years of my life. All this stuff completely describes him. He bullied me for a long time and it took me forever to realize it. He got me to have sex with him and then used it to his advantage. I thought I couldn’t leave because I knew he would ruin my reputation and tell everyone that the sweet little straight A student and athlete wasn’t a virgin. I was right, the break up was HORRIBLE. He tormented me for over 7 months after it ended and still to this day we don’t speak. I never responded to his mean messages. He even told me to kill myself and tried to make ME feel bad for ending the relationship. I pushed myself in my sports and schooling and tried my best to get through it. Sometimes I am amazed at what I have made it through and thank God every day that he is not a part of my life anymore. I thought that I should wait until he left for college, but I decided one day, after he got mad at me for curling my hair for school when he wasn’t there (because I was trying to attract boys apparently) that I had had enough. Never ever stay with somebody like that. Part of me will always be affected by the emotional abuse I let myself suffer through. It doesn’t matter how scared you are, you just have to end it. Even if they try to ruin your reputation and take all your friends away, get out. Run far, far away and never look back. You end up with a few scars, but life gets so much better once you’re in control of it.

  55. My girlfriend fits your description to the letter. Everyone makes excuses for her because she is pregnant and know one believes me she has always been this way. I call the cops on her and they call me a pussy and not a real man and don’t do a damn thing even after she stabbed me with a knife. Am I supposed to abandon her? If I did half the abuse she has done to me I would be in jail for the rest of my life. It’s been my experience women are so quick to be the victim just because the have a vagina and anyone with a penis is always wrong. And you wonder why men leave their families behind because the mother was a psycho feminist hypocrite.

  56. stardotstar says:

    i have been married to a woman for 5 years, we dated for 5 years before that. she displays characteristics of items 2,3,4,5,9,10,&19. we have two children, and i just don’t know what to do from here on out. i love her with all my heart, but the anger, arguements, and her feeling she has a right to push me or start hitting on me doesn’t seem to be going away. some days she is my best friends, and the most loving person in the world, but others, i can’t stand her. my worst fear is to end up just another broken home. but sadly, i think if she snaps on me one more time (she has physically gotten violent with me 4 times) it will be the end. a very sad, messy divorce it would be….

  57. I met my abuser on my eighteenth birthday.(I was very vulnerable at the time my bestfriend had killed himself a month prior ) He was charming,cute, and had a good reputation for being a good guy. We started talking romantically towards each other and hit it off rather quick.During the second month of our relationship things started getting very odd…he seemed to be stuck in his past relationships with girls he had hooked up with , dated ,and old friends. He constantly talked about things he did , as if he was reliving them each and everyday. I always felt compared to each individual girl of his past. He had a sleeve tattoo , of skulls. …he once told me that “the skulls were each individual ex girlfriend or bad female in his life and it was a way of getting over things “. A sign …I red flag should of went up , but I naturally just laughed it off …and avoided the conversations of the ex’s at any cost.
    One day, I was hanging out with a group of friends…and then he started telling me that he had been talking to a girl he had previously hooked up with . Later that night , I went on his face book to say something cute to find that he had added back all of his ex’s , hook ups, and random girls from different areas. I started to feel uneasy so I thought the proper thing would be to do is tell him I felt sad that he did something like that and that he is not truly over his past because he is trying to establish old relationships with these females.

    He freaked out, and started getting in my face. I don’t think I had ever loved some one…and been yet…so afraid of them at the same time. We fought every day since that point after that.
    The next week , I started feeling sick to my stomach, dizzy , tired , and just plain out week .
    I hadn’t realized I didn’t received my period.
    I put it off thinking it was stress.

    A month goes by , and things get a lot better .
    He was treating me like gold, buying me all sorts of things and we were practically living together in his apartment. We were obsessed with one another. So obsessed to the point where he had joked about getting me pregnant so I would never leave him.

    Then one morning, I vomited.
    I went to my doctor,and took a urine test.
    I was pregnant. We saw the heart beat and the look on his face… was as if he was disgusted with me for having such a thing in me….
    The next week , he snapped and started hitting me, screaming at me, spitting in my face, laughing at me while I cried. Threw my stuff down the stairs, threw things at me , threw a soup can at my head. He choked me, slammed into walls, put a wallet chain around my neck until I almost blacked out.
    He constantly put me down ,
    tore me apart infront of coworkers, friends, family.
    I was so isolated and alone.
    At the time my mother and grandfather were living in Florida and were both very ill. So when I was six months pregnant, I thought well ” maybe we need some time to ourselves..and maybe he will change for the baby” . I went down to Florida to help my mother, for a week he talked to me ..we seemed fine and that the time was working in our favor….
    he snapped again
    for almost two months he ignored me. No contact , nothing whatsoever.

    I came back home ,and instantly I went back the apartment heartbroken. He saw me , heavily pregnant and told me to come inside ..I took him back like an idiot , thinking it was in the best interest for our child.
    For the last months of my pregnancy, he was perfect, kind, loving, and honestly I thought to myself everyday he was going to be a wonderful father.

    One night, when I was eleven days away from giving birth to our child, he smashed me across the face(breaking my nose) , slammed me into a recliner ,smashed all my expensive items .I called my mother in a panic thinking my child was going to die if he continued anymore abuse towards me. She called the police and showed up to the apartment . He smiled in her face , and said ” yeah I hit her”

    It took me two months to leave after I had our child,
    we have fought in family court every other month since she has been born
    she is almost eight months now.
    I have physical custody of her .
    He has scratched up the back of her next so far, left a bruise on the back of her neck , and she comes home with a diaper rash almost every visit …he gets her 20 hours of a week.
    I have found out that his mother,father, along with the mothers girlfriend had abused him and his brother severely when he was younger from CPS.

    I am sorry for venting so much ,

    but if you see ANY OF THESE SIGNS .
    Before it’s too late.
    He could of killed my daughter and I , and family court WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT YOUR CHILD FROM THESE MONSTERS UNLESS THEY ARE EITHER on drugs or hurt them to a point where they almost die.

    I will fight for my child until I am dead , but fight for yourself to have a better tomorrow.
    Get the hell away from that idiot, and rethink your taste in human beings.

  58. Just FYI- you also described hallmark behaviours of Borderline Personality Disorder. Those people are nuts.

  59. I’m also going through this type of abusive relationship and when I mean relationship I mean I’m stuck and its no way out! I have broke up with him for ore then five years and he won’t leave or leave me alone and I honestly feel like i’m being stalked when I really thought it was over he would not leave he was always down stairs with the landlords family, from 9:00am to 8:40pm everyday from Monday till Friday.

    there has been times while we were broken up that he would catch me coming out of my hallway no one is around and corner me then he would verbally abuse me, the physically abuse me and if he felt like sexually abusing me he would and I would feel so low that I deserved it from not being strong enough to fight back and knowing that after being put in a chokehold ten feet off the gowned and instantly loosing my breath was the scariest feeling in my life. and now Yes I am afraid of him and he knows it. he makes damn sure that I know how he feel and how it makes him feel good to me scared of him (I just don’t understand why I really love this Man but he stole my heart and he kept it for twenty years

    and now that I want out he has shown me show things that has me truly believing him when he say i’m a fucking Kill you, But how am I suppose to deal with him or this?

    I just want to say to those who are being abused your not alone and its true were not alone, there are resources out there that who are willing to give us a second chance in life. I also know that feeling when just about damn near about to break down give up type of moments but I always grab myself inside my self and say i’m beautiful God loves me and my children and get the strength to keep on fighting. and yes its going to be hell getting out but if free or have reached our freedom sooner LISTEN DO NOT-LOOK BACK PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL THE NATIONAL HOTLINE and I guarantee you that you will start to be able to feel again, wanting to do your very hobbies again, and then after being free you will be able to love again and forget most of the times your ex and start to place some one and loving ones.

    please take care, be safe, and God Bless ” love and happiness” :)

  60. I hate when sick people like this mask the truth in front of others and try and make themselves look so angelic and you as the crazy. I love it when you tell other people about their charlatan ways boy, that really got this creep pissed. Sticking around creeps like this will definitely make you crazy to keep sticking by them and I am guilty of that. I must be a nut for putting up with this. Now he’s telling me like he had in the past, go be in another relationship and he hasn’t been intimate lately but he’s always been very quite distant with me intimately so, he is either gay, a cheater or bi or all of the above. He once told me he couldn’t guarantee he stay with me if I didn’t have a child with him when I told him my health isn’t so great to have a child. Years ago, he told me he rather have a child w/ some younger more pretty woman back then. I admit I fear the unknown and change but change must happen or he might just wind up surprising me with some young knocked up slut and I will only get hurt more.

  61. I’m dating someone for 14 years and two kids that has all these except maybe three. What do u do when you love that person? And don’t want to leave but they refuse to see the way they are or will NEVER seek help. There has to be a way to fix her. I love her to much to leave but it’s getting bad.

  62. My wife always treats me like dirt we have three kids and every couple of week she always let’s me know “I’m finished with you”.. “your worthless”.. When in fact I work and go to school to provide for my family pay all of our bills,help watch the kids when I’m home, rub her, comfort her, we always have great sex when we get along. I’m writing this because all of the categories above apply to my situation. I’m sick of this life yet have no means to leave with my kids and survive due to bills and her spending money! I’m embarrassed at my job because she is friends with some of my coworkers on Facebook and whenever she is mad she writes something embarrasing about me on FB. Recently I have started ever since our relationship has got bad I have developed very bad anxiety and depression at times just feeling like I’m trapped. We’ve tried counseling whenever we go they feel like she is making the same mistakes I know and let her know she is and yet she denounces it all after we leave, and blames it on me.. Just wanted to write my scenario and see if anyone is familiar with it!

  63. My story is similar to the stories i’ve seen here… I’ve met my boyfriend in 2010 and since then we’ve been on a online relationship because I live in south america and he lives in UK, so we are working to get money to visit and at same time, I’m glad that we talk only online for now… I will tell why.. When i first met him, he seemed a lovely kind person, he was so wonderful to talk with, always making me feel great and beautiful, I fell in love with him in the first time i’ve talked to him… I’ve felt like he was different of any other guy i’ve dated in real life even thought he was just online for me.. I’m older than him about 16 years, but the age gap never seemed to be a problem, i dont show my age i look younger plus we always had alot in common to talk, and most of times we had fun and good moments in the start of the relationship.. sometimes we had fights but it was nothing so serious to worry about… Even though he always showed how controlling he was, he didnt allow me to have facebook made me delete everything and i cant even add my family to talk on msn with me because he dont want to, he says he is trying to protect me and trying to not cause bullshit that we dont need now.. Wel, lately, i dont know what happened to him… he seems cold and he seems like he’s always nervous on me, and if i ask what’s going on , why he is being like that with me he just say that he is doing anything, and if i insist asking ( because i know theres something wrong with him) then he got mad at me and start to curse on me calling me bitch and say that he cant take it anymore, that he cant handle, and for me stop accusing him, say that im creating bullshit if i ask something he dont want to answer, even a silly question like today i asked why he was so quiet ( he wasnt like that before, he used to be talkative and happy and now he seems sad and depressed) then he said ” Look stop your shit, i’m doing anything, stop with your ways, you need to change or im going to leave, i love you but you need to stop this, you need to stop accusing me” ( wtf i wasnt even accusing him, i just asked if he was ok) so i dont understand… then he got really mad at me bc i saw him laying down on his bed and with sad expression and of course i dont go online on msn and give my time to him to be depressed, so i was trying to help him thats why i asked him what was wrong and i said ” look bb if you want you can go rest for while and we save our time and talk later” then he got really mad at me, put caps and said horrible things called me bitch and that i was stupid, said to me fuck off and went offline… and this is not the first time he does that, he is always doing this lately, sometimes he scream with me and say this looking at me even if he sees me crying he doesnt stop hurting me, he even says whatever and bollocks to me… and he keep threating me in leave me bc he cant handle my ways but honestly i dont understand what i did wrong… i just cant ask him anything because he get like this with me, always moody and touchy and offensive afterwards.. then he go offline for while and i stay alone there because he always come back online… then when he come back he say sorry and that he acted like that because i created that all and made him acted like this… he is always accusing me yet says im accusing him.. he is always putting me down… always saying to me that im a bitch that im bitching … some days ago we had a fight and he even said ” now i can understand why you have ex boyfriends, they couldnt stand you ” today… before i came online on msn i put make up and tried to make me prettier for him, and i was happy and missing him… because yesterday we had fight too.. and i even sent him messages saying sorry, i always need to say sorry and he just stay there like ” ok i forgive you” today when i came online after i tried to make myself look pretty to him, he came online and i was there he said ” wtf? what did you do? are you using make up?” i said ; ” yes bb, why dont you like ?” then he said ” lol wtf you looking like a family adams member” it really offended me alot.. and i said that to him ” wtf.. you offended me btw..” then he got mad at me because i said that he then said ” stop your shit i made you a compliment, wtf i wasnt offending you at all, your dumb” then he twist things saying i create a situation.. and always make me feel guilty when i know i didnt do anything wrong :,( im so tired… im actually lost because he is making me feel weak and ugly… please help me..

    • Hi Marina, I’m so sorry for everything that you have been through and everything that you are going through. You are a beautiful and strong person and you will get through this. No one deserves to be treated poorly. You deserve better. Thank you for commenting and for reading my blog. Remember that you are never alone. <3

    • Not Going To Say says:

      Uh.. are you dating my husband?! Just kidding, but that is exactly what he says and does to me.. to the T. You aren’t even with him on a daily basis. RUN AWAY! I got sucked in to this entire perfect act and married the guy. It hasn’t even been 3 months and he does things to exploit my “insecurities” and then gets upset at the result. He does all of what you are saying. It doesn’t get better. If he is like this ONLINE then you don’t even want to know what he is like, in person, on a daily basis. My guess, based on my experience, he will get physical and completely strip you of any self worth you once had.

  64. I’ve forgot to say, he was always mad at me if i ask something he dont want to answer and he always twist this like i hurted him because i asked something he dont like… He says that the problem is me, that i am being different lately that i’ve changed ( but i dont see it, i havent done anything unless being myself with him as i was always) so sometimes he make me wonder if he is the problem or if its me… thats how much messed up he make me feel.. after this i feel useless and afraid to talk to him again because might if i say something he dont like might he say its my fault and start all over again…. im so hurt and lonely… He has alot of those treats also… today while i was trying to talk to him.. i looked to him on camera and then i saw he was hidding his face with shirt ( he never did that before) and i said ” why are you hidding your face with shirt while im here talking to you” then he said ” because im free to do whatever i want to” then i said ” this is rude, im talking with you here dont do this” then because i said that, he started to curse on me said terrible things to me then he finally said “WANT TO KNOW WHY I HIDE MY FACE WITH SHIRT? WANT TO? THEN I WILL TELL YOU WHY, BECAUSE I WAS TIRED OF READING THAT SHIT YOU SAYING AND IM TIRED OF YOU TREATING ME LIKE CRAP ALL THE TIME” i wasnt even doing anything.. i was just talking normally with him not being agressive or anything, i am not agressive with him never… just when he really get me nuts or really offend me… but i was not doing that… at all im not crazy.. omg.. i know i didnt do anything wrong.. yet he makes me feel like i did.. :,( i need advice.. i love him alot.. i didnt want to leave him… even thought he is always threating me to leave me and saying like if i was the problem.. he never takes the blame on him, he always expect me to say sorry .. im so tired.. im thinking in suicide…

  65. I was with a guy who had all except three things on this list. I was with him from the time I was 16 up until a few months ago. He was verbally abusive, very controlling, he made sure I didn’t have friends and the ones that stuck around he bashed all the time. I honestly loved him and I knew I had to leave he had my self esteem so low, he had me thinking that I was so ugly and so fat, that noone else would ever want me. And he used to tell me that if I moved on I could never find a guy to treat me well, when I would tell him he was wrong he would laugh in my face and tell me I was stupid. My family and friends couldn’t stand him. We would fight constantly and it would always be his fault, he loved to argue. So basically it got to the point where I was tired of it and I didn’t argue back I became boring and depressed and that wasn’t much fun for him so he left me and I feel so free now, I’m happier than I have been in years.

  66. Confused :/ says:

    So I’ve been with the same guy for a year and a half lately things have gone from perfect to weird… He invites himself when I go hang out with friends gets worried when I have a girly night in, the other day he slapped me across the face because some noise I made annoyed him and instead of saying be quiet he thought slapping me would solve the issue, we went on a diet it was his decision and I was happy to do it not that im over weight but because he is and as soon as I started losing weight and exercising he told me we went on the diet because Im the fat one! When I’m a size 10 and he’s put on like 30 kilos since we started dating! I found out he went on a motorbike ride with his ex, but lied and said it was one of his guy mates! He never listens to me and if I tell him something and someone else tells him the same thing he acts as though he didn’t k ow about it making me look stupid… He calls me a c**t and pretty much anything he can think of that he knows I don’t like, he makes me feel guilty if I’m having fun without him… I feel stuck, I don’t tell him what to do, he also orders food for me if we go out for dinner not giving me an option, is he just selfish or a psychopath?

  67. My life was taken over by this abuser (male) he did everything u could think of but he persuaded me with words sex and gifts we are the same age met in high school didn’t get threw hs because of him then I had to drop my job because he persuaded me into getting pregnant cheated on me the whole 6years I was in the relationship he left me with multiple bills that I couldn’t pay with my job I was forced to have sexual encounters and to only be with him while he left I let him do whatever he wanted with me just for him to continue paying bills I finally left the house we shared just to find out he continued hurting me even after not having contact I think I have a std and I am too afraid to even go to a clinic and find out for sure because I have a daughter and if I find out I do have an incurable disease I feel I won’t be strong enough for my daughter help please I feel like if I std test people will think I’m the hor when he brought this to me help please I’m falling apart inside and can’t tell anyone

  68. I am with my partner for about 7 years, I had a job,rented a flat in centre london,had savings. He was so sweet and nice,we mooved together and after one year when I was pregnant he become an abusive. all I did was wrong, all my friends werw bad, even my douther. We bought a house , I’ ve spent all my savings on the deposit, so, after 4 years houses price gous up and he decided to sell it. It was on my name,and I ask him to take 60% of the profit and not live together any more ( profit was 150 000) but he said he need all money to do a business or he will cut my head off. He was illigal,but he got a visa because he is my partner and we have a son . He doesn’t love me,only controlls,but he will never leave me because he can loose his visa.Now I am with 2 kids, no money and have nowhere to go.

  69. OMFG im dating a psychopath ! thankyou for the clarification.

  70. My ex husband is crazy as heck…He was everything that was said here and i hated him for everything and I still do. My ex and I, we had a kid together, but I don’t want him to have anything to do with my son. The last time he has seen him was in 2010, a little after my son was born, and I was wondering if anyone knows what I can do to take his rights away. He hasn’t given me any child support ever.

  71. I got into a relationship with someon about 4 1/2 years ago and about 3 months later he started accusing me of messing th any and every man that was in sight. For the remaining 3 and a half years I stayed in the house with no family or friends. He has kepted me isolated from the world to to the point of where I couldn’t even visit my sick father thing of cancer. He HARRASSED ME THE WHOLE TIME I GOT TO THERE HOUSE just thinking I was with another guy. I feel like killing myself often and honestly I think thats what he wants me to do so that way he wouldn’t have to worry about ne being with someone. I have tried to leave because we both bring out the worst in each other but he won’t let me leave. he jumps in my face or threatens me because he thinks i am trying to leave for someone else. i don’t want him to go to jail vut i want to get away. i am desparate now. can someone please help me. My e mail is I need help.

  72. Anonymous says:

    so is it wrong that i emailed this to my bf because i feel he holds a lot of these attributes. along with that i gave him the option, if he really loves me the way he claims i expect him to make a list starting from one of every time he did one of these things.

    idk if he is going to do it but i broke up with him.

    i really do love him.

  73. I am going to be honest with you. people like this do not change. They think they don’t have a issue its all your fault they are the victim. I was with a loser like this. He still makes it a point to text me once a month just to see if I will reply back. I ignore it and delete the text. They do that to see if you will reply back and if you do then they think they still have a chance to come back into your life. People like this are SICK, MENTAL!!! They will always try some kind of shit anything just ignore it. Hell would have to freeze over before i would and I dont see that happening. I love this website. I learned alot from it and see what other people have went through. it sickeness me that we have people like this in the world. I know we have all loved people like this but you have to call it off if you love yourself and move on.


  74. I been with a guy who showed every single sign and I been stuck in that relationship for abt two years & we been together for 4 years , It all changed when he started high school & by the time I reached that a year later it got a lot harder. I don’t understand why he turned out like this bt I done all I could , even when I would leave him he would find a way to manipulate my family & end up living with me .worst summer of my life, before I became a sophomore. He became worse now that I couldn’t do nothing . He even cut himself or threatened to hurt my mother or himself. I tried counseling and I tried the school counselor I told my teachers I made sure all adults knew what he was capable of, I was scared when I found myself alone with him cause he would beat me. My life was miserable like I wanted to run away. He took control of my life & by the time school was abt to start i Learned to fight back & found his weakness I became meaner & rude basically I did what he did to me . I thanked God for giving me strength to fight & have him kicked out my house & have him moved with his strict dad. I became close with people who related to this & I forget abt it . But till this day I’m 21 & I still have nightmares about it. How can I over come this situation ? It worries me abt him coming back. My family still don’t understand abt this even though I tell them all the time but they still talk or have him over for a visit. Its a bit awkward & uncomfortable. I’m afraid now he knows where I live since I moved

  75. I was with a woman who was every inch exactly what that story said, and I went through everything and felt everything it said. Except the story assumed that the psycho is a man when I was a victim by far worse than you could imagine. I would get beat by her and the cops would come and only want to mess with me as she turned victim in a second. She even had a restraining order and kept coming back knowing I loved her so much and would take her back. But every third day no matter what I did she would start some crazy fight over nothing. I didnt even have to participate. Just watch. The cops would come and I would lose no matter if I called them or not because of the restraining order. I stopped talking to her and she broke into my house and stole my phone in the night, and I called the cops and went to jail for being home when she broke into my house. I was violating the restraining order. I was denied my own restraining order 6 times. I became affraid to call the police for help. She broke a glass bottle on my face and I lost more blood than I knew I had. There were 12 witnesses to help me and report it to the police. They wanted to arrest me and there was almost a riot from strangers that convinced them to let me go. The DA didnt even press charges on her. All I did in the first place was look up my friend Charles on Facebook to get his E-mail address. Somehow that meant I was some cheater to her. I never even talked to any females or hit her or anything like that. We were together for 7 years and had 2 kids that she abuses but I havnt seen in almost 2 years because I had to leave the city after we broke up. She stole every picture of anything in my life. I ended up in jail after she kept making false police reports. When I got out I went straight to the airport and flew to San Francisco and I’m staying with a friend and my kids dont even remember me anymore. Im a great dad and she has CPS helping her and she is still filing reports and the police are waiting for me to come back to my home where I grew up and left everything. All I took was the clothes on my back. But I escaped with my life. Or did I? There is so much more that you could just drop your jaw to hear but being a man in this situation I think I’m gonna write a book. Did I mention that everyone I meet tells me Im the best man they ever met? Its true. Every woman I have ever dated wanted to marry me and I have never been single. I believe in waiting a bit before sleeping with someone and I like making other smile. Im a gentle calm man that can keep my calm no matter what. I love women. Im still depressed as hell but I met someone special and Im definitely damaged goods. I wish all I had to deal with was what all these abused women do. I almost forgot, according to the law, I was even raped by her. AND YES, IM ALL ALONE WITH NOBODY WHO UNDERSTANDS OR EVEN KNOWS ME IN A CITY I DONT KNOW ALL ALONE.

    • I understand says:

      Steve, it sounds like your girlfriend may have been struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder (and possibly much, much more). Now understand that I do not feel a mental illness even makes abuse or mistreatment acceptable; it does not and never will. However, BPD is a very horrible and tricky-to-understand disorder because, in reality, the people they care about the most, the ones they “love” (though it’s not the same mature, adult love we try to give them) are the same people they are uncontrollably hurt by — seemingly out of nowhere.

      All their past trauma and pain is linked to you and your love (or proof that they are unlovable). The smallest perceived slight triggers them and the self-hatred they are so desperately trying to rid themselves of. It’s probably the most heartbreaking disorder there is because the more you care for them, the more they hurt and push you away and/or become abusive. Many are so hopelessly lost in their internal loveless void that they never seek treatment. Dealing with their trauma would feel like they are showing someone they actually deserved it.

      This list is awesome in that it certainly helps identify TOXIC people but short of someone meeting every single bullet point (and them some), the person probably isn’t a psychopath – they’re just disordered and/or have maladaptive coping and defense mechanisms.

      But, for those of us searching for healthy, mutually respectful relationships with other people, anyone who fits several of these points probably isn’t healthy enough to provide it.

  76. I dated a girl like this for around 5 months, pure hell. And after 2 years she is still trying to manipulate me with her sob stories! My advise is to get rid as soon as possible, as once they have their claws in you, it is very hard to get out. Thank god I am out now :)

  77. I hadn’t put everything together until I came across this website. My boyfriend of 7 years has almost all the traits of the above plus he is an alcholic. He is just a mean person and not only to me, but most everyone he comes in contact with. If the house is not spotless at all times he will fuss at me and threaten to throw my daughter out on the street if her room is not clean to his perfection. I have seen him be mean to people he doesn’t even know. It is always his way or no way. I have no say so in anything. I have gotten to the point I do not enjoy being around him or going anywhere with him because of his actions and his drinking. We can not go out any where together unless he can drink. He will not be around any of my family because they do not drink. I know from this morning, he is mad at me for some reason. Just the look he gave me when I asked him a question. It was that look I am so much better than you and we will discuss this later. In other words tonight I will be in for it. He has never hit me, just his words. He will fuss and curse but not allow me to say anything. He always tells me he is not going to argue with me. I have always been a very strong woman, but I don’t understand myself now. I do not like going home because of having to walk on egg shells scared to death I am going to set him off about something. Even though my daughter is a very neat person before we leave in the morning, I go around and make sure there is nothing out of place in the house or he will have a fit when he gets home from work. I know I have got to get out of this house. I feel like I am losing my mind. He just seems so unhappy all the time and wants everyone around him to feel the same.

  78. My second husband is a psychopath and I was the perfect victim at the time we met. I was coming out of a bad first marriage and he told me everything I needed to hear. However, one he thought he had me all the verbal and emotional abuse started. The problem is when we met I was not myself… the real me is typically a tough get in your face kind of girl. I tried to make it work, but as the years went on I started calling him out more and more for his behavior and lies. Without his knowledge I started planning my career and finances to leave. As I planned I found myself giving him back exactly what he had dished out for years… ultimately I asked for divorce and left 4 months later. Long story short if you are in this type of relationship, plan your exit, find your voice and get out.

  79. I make sure I check at least twice a month to check out new stories. Man I did not relizes how many people have been through what I have been through. Men and woman we have all been victims and it sucks. Well it is funny because my ex texted me on my birthday and I ignore it. well it has been almost a month since I have last heard from him. The time is due LOL!! What a loser!! I know one thing it has been a learning experience but one I will never do again. It is scary that there is people like this in the world. I will not lie I do have a lot of hate for my ex for what he did but you know I look at it that I am better then him. And I will better myself and I will get through this. I am not going to let him ruin my future for me. Hold your head up high and move on with life. Cecause there will always be people like this in the world and you can not change that no matter what. Just if you are ready to date again look for the signs if you see any of these get out. Cathy

  80. My x was high yesterday, he texts me n talk like he want to control me, he started talking shit, since had decidend not to wait till i got dumped i did it myself, dumped him yesterday. He kept texting bad stuff coz he didnt espext that , its good to leav b4 your left guys!

  81. yes dating a psycho whos gay,,i did for 15 months,but was well aware what he was doing,but he had so much power over me i could not leave,every time he smoked a joint he was wonderful,made me forget the monster within,and yes i was convinced everything was me and he said he could help me,i just lost the power of my voice to fight back then you start to belive you are to blame,strange but true, so to all the victims out there i understand,,but the strange thing is he left me,some days i still think it was me,but i know it was him,after 3 months he still contacts me,he still has the power and control,but now im fighting back,i make myself unavailable dont answer the fone,or text,or email,slow process but bit by bit its working,im getting my control back if i can enyone can..tom

    • Hi Tom… I feel for you… I trust you are staying strong. I think the toughest time I had was about 5 months after we split up, he wanted to get back together… thank GOD I had a strong support group by then and I was able to say NO.

  82. I’m totally in this :-(
    We’ve just go on to not living together.
    Totally driving me crazy. constanly texting me
    Saying it’s myfault, if i dont stop you are going to lose me forever.
    And so on, If I dont answer he thinks im doing things behind his back/cheating.
    Saying he has to be with me to get better.

    • Please do not beleive that. my ex said the same thing. he said if i stayed with him that he would get help. its a lie!!! He is just trying to get you to stay. get out!!! People like this do not change. been there done that. just ignore him all together. get your life back tell him to hit the road.

  83. yep on all accounts says:

    Gosh, i’ve been in 4 consecutive relationships with guys like this, i have been so traumatized I thought such behavior was the “NORM.”I myself due to such treatment have become slightly anti social as well as a bit mean spirited,after rrading all these comments of people with similar experiences.I know now that I do have to get into some sort of behaviorable thetapy to regroup and learn how to repel pests like thiem.

    • Hi “Yep on all accounts”,
      I, too, have had too many relationships like this. Which of course, points the finger back to ME AND MY CHOICES. I discovered, if I am attracted to someone, then they are probably a psycho, doing their best “charming” act. I need to run for the hills if I am attracted to someone. How sad is that? Well, here’s some good news. Just because you are attracted to them, doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them AND… if you get to know someone you don’t have that attraction chemistry with, they will GROW on you.. so hang in there and don’t be tempted by the “CHARMING PSYCHO”.

  84. Ive already posted today but i just read this post and it is amazing. Walking on eggshells is an understatement. I tend not to say anything much anymore just in case its interpretated in the wrong way. and of course if i miss a call from him – even when im at work, im cheating or im doing something wrong. He could ignore me all evening and I would still be the one that ends up being in the wrong!
    He also makes up lies that i am cheating on him – im not but he will say he will kill me and doesnt believe anything i say. Its amazing how his opinions are always the right ones, even if it is something that has no right or wrong, if i dont agree with his opinion and i voice that then theres trouble. When i have tried to break up with him he will say I have wasted all the years we were together of his life so he will get me back, he wont leave it and he will ring my house phone at all times of night and if i didnt eventually meet him he would come to my house so because i am scared my parents wil get involved i meet him, he just uses my initial apprehension and time wasting as more fuel to hurt me. “

    • GET OUT!! it will not get any better my ex did the same thing he would blow up my cell phone until 4 in the morning. and if i said i did not want to see him anymore then he would just show up at my house. if he is accusing you of cheating that is because he is doing the cheating, he is the guilty one not you. you do not want someone like this they make your life hell. they want you to give up everone you know dont do it. get out so you can get back to your old self. I had to i talked to a theripest and she told me people like this do not change they have issues deeper then you know. they always play the victim and that everything is your vault. Therperiest said either you can stay and except it, or you need to leave. I choosed to leave, i could not deal with it anymore i was about to snap myself. I am back to my old self and back in school to better myself. he did not support any of that. Someone that loves you does not treat you that way. leave him it will be the best thing you have ever done.

  85. Ive already posted today but i just read this post and it is amazing. Walking on eggshells is an understatement. I tend not to say anything much anymore just in case its interpreted in the wrong way. and of course if i miss a call from him – even when im at work, im accused cheating or im doing something wrong. He could ignore my calls all evening and I would still be the one that ends up being in the wrong some way or another!
    He also makes up lies that i am cheating on him – im not but he will say he will kill me and doesnt believe anything i say.
    Its amazing how his opinions are always the right ones, even if it is something that has no right or wrong, if i dont agree with his opinion and i voice that then theres trouble. When i have tried to break up with him he will say I have wasted all the years we were together of his life so he will get me back, he wont leave it and he will ring my house phone at all times of night and if i didnt eventually meet him he would come to my house so because i am scared my parents will get involved so i meet him, he just uses my initial apprehension and time wasting as more fuel to hurt me. I am from the UK and I know I want to get out of this but dont really know what to do next. I am scared he will actually kill me soon so i need to act quickly. Its not easy finding a new job in the current climate – trust me im trying – but if i break up with him know he will make sure i lose my job and perhaps do something to make sure i cant get another job. He will tear my family apart, i feel lost :(

    • Dear Anon, The longer you stay, the more damage he will do. Make a plan to GET OUT. Do it NOW. Your family is already torn apart. You are most likely a “shell” of who you used to be. TAKE CARE OF YOU NOW. You can get a restraining order to keep him away. PROTECT YOURSELF. Do NOT answer the phone. In fact, have someone else put your out-going voice message on your phone so that he can’t hear your voice anymore. BE STRONG NOW.

  86. LaurenWeen says:

    My recent long term ex:

    1.) I always felt like I was the one crazy.. like something was terribly wrong within the relationship and I couldn’t figure it out. That I was doing something wrong at all times. He was the master of manipulation. He was excellent at making me feel like I was the one causing the problems, thus making him act the way he did.

    2.)I absolutely had to be cautious of my actions. ANYTHING could set this man off. You better believe I didn’t have a man call my phone.. you better hope to god that my male boss from work never called you to ask you to come into work. More aside from outside of the home.. I had to make sure I spoke correctly.. walked correctly (in a pace that he desired), sit correctly and act correctly. I had to be on his opinion of a best behavior. If I did anything wrong he grew a temper and would cancel our entire days worth of events.. or just make me sit in a room and stare at a wall all day until he said I could get up and leave.

    3.) My ex was a professional at having split personalities. You could always tell by how he woke up in the morning. One morning he’ll wake up and snuggle and want to be cute and romantic… the next morning he’ll wake up and use the restroom and go sit in the living room on the game system without acknowledging your existence. I’m sure you can put two and two together.. which days were good and which were bad. But he could also switch within the days as well. It never took much for him to get to his boiling point.

    4.) Feel like I have no voice? I WAS TOLD I WAS TO HAVE NO VOICE. I don’t know how many times I was told that he was the king of the castle and I’m just the woman. I am not here to voice my opinion but to have the kings back on his decisions. Like stated above, If I had said anything out of line to his standards, I would be yelled at, hit or treated like a dog (made to go sit in a corner and not move until he said it was okay).

    5.) Through out the entire relationship he would be the typical jack ass that he is and when I confronted him he would just say more hurtful things.. more personal things dealing with my insecurities and so forth. He was the master of manipulation. He made me feel like dirt, than once I made him feel bad for what he had done he made me feel worse. His excuse every time “I’m sorry.. I just get angry and defensive when I’m hurt”.

    6.)My ex was well.. ex military. He knows all of those stupid pressure point tricks and arm holds etc. I was slapped plenty, put into those arm holds, pressure pointed and I’ve had guns and knifes held to me. All for “acting out” against his wishes of how I should act. He would always calm down eventually when I gave in to him and he would tell me every time that he is sorry and can’t come to hurting me because he loves me. So well.. it happened again and again and again. And you know no matter how many bruises I showed him.. He really never seemed to have any remorse.. like he believed that I still deserved them.

    7.)Lying.. HA! Don’t get me started. I was told by both his step mother and grandmother that he spoke a lot of bullshit. Always twisting the truth to make himself look better. He had an issue with always being better and being on top when it came to his family. A lot of what he said never matched up.. or just never seemed right. BUT he was a smart kid.. so he knew how to plan everything out to make it seem like a legit story.

    8.)He was a great actor. Was the sweetest and caring person in front of his family and other people (didn’t have friends).. but once we were home he was a completely different person.

    9.)I was never allowed to go out with people. I was always told that my friends were worthless low life’s that would only get me in trouble. At one point I was told that I cant see certain friends if I wanted to be with him. I had moved to where his family lived which was far from my friends and family which I suppose he liked considering than I had lost the two groups of people he despised the most.

    10.) Explained above, Such an emotional roller coaster. Once day I wanted to leave his hateful ass, the next day I was drawn back into his lovely personality.

    11.) I had low self esteem shortly after our relationship began. I was such a strong independent woman who never let men put me down. He used his words to his advantage and made me feel like dirt on this earth. He always told me that no other man in this world would love me due to who I was as a person. I was put down on a constant and became weaker as the days went on. I was completely under he control at one point.

    12.) As you have already read.. he was ex military. Never cared much about killing other people in the army. We lived out in the country at one point and he would just shoot cats and dogs that roamed onto the property. One dog we adopted from the shelter when I first moved in with him ended up going back with bruises all over his neck (from being grabbed and picked up). The pup he had let me pick out.. it was a cute little 8 month year old settler and I made him allow me to take the pup back to the shelter because I didn’t want the pup anywhere near him.

    13.)THIS IS THE ONLY SECTION THAT NEVER RELATED. HE ALWAYS MADE HIMSELF THE VICTIM IN RELATIONSHIPS. I knew of his ONLY relationship hands down because I was friends with the girl and she well.. screwed him over a lot during their time.

    14.)Apparently my friends and family could see the signs. My mother urged me to come back home.. she said she knew he wasn’t right just by the little things I told her (She was in an abusive relationship with my father before they divorced.) All of my friends as well (whom i had to speak to behind my bfs back) wanted me gone for my safety. Said he had problems.. abusive.. too controlling.. manipulative. But for some reason I couldn’t come to believe or see any of this.

    15.)Entitlement indeed. He felt he had the right to revenge. He never cared much for the society and people in general. Said he would get rid of them all if he could. So yes, he was very uncaring to people emotions and would declare violence if something was done wrong to him.

    16.)One phrase my partner always said “Stop now or I will embarrass you in front of everyone.” “Don’t think I wont do it.”

    17.) Never adding up. I’ve found myself constantly just giving in and agreeing with him because I could never come to understanding WTF HAPPENED AND WTF HE NEEDED FROM ME. When we got into fights one of the main things that always happened was we would sit there in silence (Not moving, because i wasn’t allowed to move from my spot or I’d get hit) than eventually always saying.. “What do you need from me?” “Why can’t I leave? Cause I don’t know what I need to do.” HE WOULD ALWAYS REPLY “You should know what you need to do.” “If you don’t know what needs to be done by now than it’s all worthless”

    18.) NOT ONLY did I have a curfew at night(8pm), or a time frame (usually no longer than an hour) in which I could be gone from the house if I left on my own OR the phone calls needing to be made in between to check in and let him know what I was doing.. BUT there became an official rule that whenever I got up from bed or from the couch (where we both were sitting/laying) that I needed to automatically say where and what I was doing without him having to ask.

    19.)I was told on a constant about his poor family life. How he was kicked out.. his mom left him.. his dad was cheated on.. etc. I was always told some sort of heart wrenching story to make me ‘pity the fool’.

    20.)THIS ONE DIDN’T APPLY EITHER. BUT he did think he was better and smarter than everyone else in America. Felt as if people now a days were raised as idiots and all deserved to be killed.

    21.) I WAS ACTUALLY TOLD DAILY, that even if I didn’t agree, I was to act as if he was always right. That there was never to be a time in which I argued with him for he was always right.

    THE END.
    I left back to my mothers 3 weeks ago. Came back to him cheating with a co-worker at a job I got him. I’m 21 years old and he is 22. All and all it has been a rough time for me.. recovering and realizing how much of an ignorant asshole this BOY was. But I thought it was amusing to see that after all I am okay and he WAS just a psycho.

    Hope this extremely large post helps someone!

    • Are you dating my ex is his name andy or adrian? LMAO!!!

    • So happy that you left and only after 3 weeks, have discovered that it was him, not you.

      The trouble for those of us that have “chosen” to be in a relationship like this, is that we are attracted to these kinds of people, over and over. Unless WE CHANGE who WE CHOOSE, we will continue to be in these sick relationships.

  87. (Sorry if the spelling is off, I’m Swedish)I was in a relationship with someone like this for 2 years. I’m not free of him yet, he keeps calling me, hacking my facebook, coming to my house wanting me to let him in. I just wish he would quit and let me live my life. If I say I hate him and I don’t want to be with him he says that hating him means I really love him and that I’m only mad because I’m not spending enough time with him.

    He was sixteen years older than me and I was about 20 when we met. We dated for two years. He was really charmig and cleaver at first so I started to like him, I liked how he felt more mature than people my age. He wasn’t mature at all though as I got to know him, he had no job, he didn’t clean or cook because it was beneath him and he needed to great things with his time or whatever he called it, more stupid people (me, people he hired) could clean. He played poker and believed that he was the best poker player in the world, but he could never keep what he won. It was always my fault when he lost money on poker too, because I wouldn’t go travelling with him when he had won (I’m in, I can’t just take some weeks off but he didn’t understand this) or whatever. I never got to meet his family or his friends, but he had little contact with them, mostly just lending money from them. He never spoke about him self and I was not allowed to ask him questions. He on the otherhand needed to know everything about me. He started to make me think I was weak, he was always telling me how fragile I was and how he was the only one who truely cared about me. He said that my family was horrible and stupid, he isolated me from my friend. Soon I only had him to turn to. I started to loose weight because I started to feel depressed, and I started to feel less desirable because of it. He would say that he could still find me sexy even though I was thin, as if nobody else would. He cheated on me all the time and I tried to break up with him but then he would always come to my place, demanding to be let in and telling me how stupid and crazy I was and that he knew how strongly I felt for him and that I needed to be with him. I don’t know why I didn’t just leave. But he cornered off everyone else from my life so he was all I had, no mather how bad he made me feel I thought it would be worse to be alone. And then I started to think that I was crazy, that everything was my fault. He said that I had “episodes” and that he was still tolarant enough to be with me. I payed for everything for us even though I’m a student. He was never awake during the day and he would never ajust his habits so the were more normal and in sync with mine, he said it was me who needed to adjust. He only dated younger girl, his girlfriend before me was only 17 when they met. Our sex life was only about what he liked and wanted to do, which basically was dominating me to a point where I could never take any initiatives. He was active in couchsurfing, always having young girls over and telling me how crazy and jealous I was when I commented on this. Sometimes there would be condomes in the trash after he had have girls there and he would say how crazy I was for thinking something had happened and so on. He made me feel so small and unappriciated, and I become someone totally different from the happy girl with good self esteem I once was. Now I don’t know how to become the old me again. I feel insecure and like I am worth nothing. He used to say that if I went on to a new relationship, it would be even worse than ours, because the problem was me. I guess I started to believe him and now I don’t know what to think. I wish i had never met him and I wish that nobody else will have broken down like this. I feel like he destroyed me. He took away my happiness and now I don’t know how to get it back.

    • You get your self-esteem back, one step at a time.
      Get a support group – Co-Dependents anonymous will help you realize a lot of things. Having a support group will help you to stay sane and grounded.

      Before you take on another boyfriend, have your friends meet him. If HE DOESN’T LIKE YOUR FRIENDS (which they never do), then LEAVE HIM.

  88. I just got out of a really abusive relationship and I filed police chargers and they didn’t do anything. Now he is saying he wants to sue me for damages to his home, it’s a long story but basically he locked all my belongings in a room and I had to brake the door down to get my things because I didn’t have $100 to call a locksmith to get it open. Now he is messaging all my freinds trying to turn them against me and I am scared he is going to do somehting. I called the cops and stalking is not a crime and they told me to file a restraining order but I don’t have the money it’s $100 in Vegas to file a restraining order. I am literally scared he is going to ruin my life. I am hiding at a freinds house now. The police won’t help they act like it’s a joke and my freinds are all saying he can’t sue me. Idk wat to do.

  89. Anonymous says:

    What sort off help do people like this need? I think i come under a few off these

    • That is a good question. The fact that you actually identified tells me that you are not PSYCHO as some of the people mentioned here. Remember… they don’t believe it’s “them”… it’s always the other person.

      Get in a support group. Be honest. If you can be honest with yourself and others, you will recover. Be humble. If you are open to learning, you will recover.

  90. I’ve been involved with an older woman who ticks every single box on this very illuminating list.

    And I moved a thousand miles to keep it alive, only to find out I’d been replaced by a rebound relationship within a day. Guess I’m the sick one ;)

    • I wouldn’t go so far as to say “You are the sick one.” That’s what “they” say.

      Just know that you were attracted to a Psycho and be careful, cautious etc. when selecting your next relationship. Remember… the more charming they are, the more psycho they eventually get.

      Did you see the constant theme in these messages? “He was so charming” “I am drawn to his lovely side”. If you are desperate for love, then you will be attracted to the “charmer”. Get a support group, so that you are no longer desperate for relationship. When you aren’t desperate, you can make good choices.

  91. I am currently dealing with someone just like this; last night I was in a correctional counseling class and my professor asked us to use Roberts Hare’s psychopath checklist to grade someone we knew and I already knew who I would grade. Needless to say, he got a near perfect score of 34 (30-40 being a bonafide psychopath) on this test and with that I began my online research of psychopath traits; that is how I found this post and I would like to share my story to anyone who will read.

    I met this charming guy at a corner store by chance one night. He was perfect , exactly my type , nice car , nice job , was very nice to me and showered me with gifts at the beginning
    He took me out every weekend and out of town on our second date
    He wowed me

    Then , he started getting mean , started disregarding my feelings and swearing and yelling at me. He was the first man I had a relationship with in my adult life (I had recently realized I WAS NOT a lesbian and had just began dating men for the first time since high school) so when I would cry and beg for his reasons of wanting to hurt my feelings he would just say that’s how relationships worked; he told me that with men I had to grow tough skin and he would use that against me all the time saying, “you don’t know, yu have never been with a man, this is how a relationship works,” or “that was with a girl, this is different, I’ve been here, yu haven’t” and I would believe him because as soon as he made me feel stupid like i really didn’t know , he would flip back to nice and I would just fall for his explanation and fake apologetic affection.

    Then one day he went to a strip club JUST because he was mad at me and knew that would upset me
    So I ignored his calls until the afternoon
    When I answer the phone I acted like I was somewhere I wasn’t but when he started getting mad I admitted I was just tryin to upset him so he yelled at me and told me he was at my house waiting on me and threatened that I’d better get home soon
    So when I went home and tried to beg for forgiveness be acted like he wanted to hear me out until I allowed him to go thru my phone
    However, instead of going through it he took it and my keys and headed toward the door
    On my way to stop him he turned around and choked me and threw me and threatened to kill me then left
    He threw my keys on top of my building and went thru my phone and sent my boss a text quitting my job & a text to my dad and my friends telling them I had an STD

    After months of him begging and sending gifts and doing everything to get me back I got weak and went back
    Big mistake ; everything was good for a month or so he called himself making everything up to me by taking me to a really nice spa resort on the river walk in San Antonio for my bday
    However , we fought on the way there and when we got there
    One argument was so bad he threw my phone in the toilet , took my keys and my wallet and left my in a whole other city with no money no ID and no phone
    Not only that , when I got back to our city (Houston) I found that he used my keys to go in my house and take EVERYTHING except my bed and TV
    He even took my car & when he dropped it back of he put sugar in the tank
    & I was pregnant the whole time of this trip
    NOT TO MENTION, he still owes me $800 that I let him borrow MONTHS AGO and be constantly extorts me
    He plays games with me acting like he want to be with me and doing everything right unt the day be has promised he will have the money
    Then he just out the blue cusses me out and tells me he hates me and hopes I will kill myself
    The. He will come back and say he’s only hurting me because he’s so in love with me
    And he goes back and forth
    So I am currently in the process of being evicted , have no clothes or shoes, a fucked up car and no one there for me since he isolated me because I couldn’t leave my psychopath alone

    He has no remorse for what he has done and will do it again with no problem
    it is hard to let it go when yu actually fall in love before they show theirselves but yu have to
    He will run yu into the ground as many times as yu let him

  92. Oh yeah and the police department would not file charges on him because “no one saw him do it” and the DAs office told me my case was not strong enough for them to provide me a protective order
    This is honestly one of the reasons i said fuck it and went back because he seemed sorry and no on else was trying to help me
    That is why I am going to open a last resort nonprofit org for women who are victims but don’t have enough evidence of abuse to get the laws attention or care
    We have to do sumthin for the women that don’t have anyone or anything to live for other than these men because when we don’t , we send them straight back into the hands of their oppressors
    I am a living testimony of that

    • Cheree, there are places for you.. there are already “battered women’s shelters” they are hard to find because they have to keep it that way. Call some hospitals or 12-step groups and you will find shelter and someone to help you through the pregnancy etc. This type of behavior by men (and women) has been going on long enough, that there is help out there for us… we just have to look hard for it, be humble and accept that we made a bad decision and move on with our lives… especially for the children.

  93. I was in a relationship with an abusive guy, for 1.5 year. I stayed because i felt guilty about not being crazy in love with him when i first met him. I suffered for one year. I am ashamed about this. The strange thing is, the more abusive he became, the more infatuated i became. In the end i was crazy about him. Always hoping he will change, once he feels secure and loved. He was a sex addict too, i think, masturbating for me when he was not having sex with me. I think he was also having sex with other people. I am almost sure about this now, and scared of the possible complications. He made me feel completely loved, while perhaps cheating on me at the same time. He was totally focused on me, obsessing about me in every way. This felt flattering at first. I have been in hell, and it felt so good reading these stories here. It’s been months since i left him and i still can’t sleep. He threatened to attack me physically – he is a boxer, you know. He also threatened me he would talk badly about me to everyone, and they would see me and despise me and spit on me. He has been working on it ever since. One girl came up to me and told me what he has been saying, but that she couldn’t believe i had been jealous of him, as she could see how cool I was and how he was always out at the bars when i was in his flat, writing my things. (He used to go out alone, you see, and he used to tell me he didn’t want me with him because i would act like a slut and embarrass him and make him jealous. I told him he was crazy, and tried to dress in a way he would accept, but he would later shout so much at me for having been out with him, that i eventually stopped going out.) The thing is, i can’t get over the fact that he has been accusing me of his own faults. This is crazy. It is unjust. It’s been hurting me, torturing me for months. I feel like going out and screaming the truth to people. What’s more, I still love him a little. Feelings don’t just go away. I am devastated right now, however I am thankful for this forum, I really needed to let this out, in writing, although I have talked about it with people. Finding out I was being abused helped a lot too. All this sounds crazy as I am educated, in fact I am a feminist (!) with talents, a life, and friends whom he hated and didn’t even let me call them.

    • Just remember you are not alone, I had only 2 really good friends that help me through mine. they are both mean and pointed out to me that i looked depressed and like i was walking on egg shells. they helped me get through it and stood by my side when i needed them regardless of the threats that he would say. I am so glad it is over I am back to my old self now and things are normal like they should be. He really never loved you people that treat people like that is not love. it is a control thing. people like him do not change u cannot love someone when they wont let you. I am not going to lie i do think about him sometimes but i do not miss him. I do hate the fact that i let him treat me badley because i am a very strong willed person and i was upset with myself for the longest time because i could not beleive the shit i let him put me through. It will take time but you will get over it. You have to love and forgive yourself before you can move on. i relized that and i have moved on and family and friends help. You could always join a group as well to talk about things. or just a close friend. you can do better just remember that good luck.

    • I am in my 60s anf 6 years ago met a guy on a dating site who seemed lovely, I had recently been thru a divorce and was vulnerable. I fell for him very quickly but from the beginning his behaviour was strange but I was too naive to see it. He is very highly sexed but quite considerate in bed. He said he never wanted a relationships because of problems he had – never explained excwpt he had wrongly been jailed for rape. I just beleived himand still don’t know if it is true. He kept coming over for sex but would never take me to the cinema etc alhough he did take me for meals sometimes. I was completely addicted to him but after sex his mood changed and he never wanted affection he just wanted to go and wouldn’t call me and then I wouldnt see him for weeks. The was a repeated pattern over 6 years and I always thought I would change him and he would fall in love with me. He also had a drink problem and when he was drunk he would say he wanted a relationship but couldnt maintain one. There were odd moments of caring and he was good fun before sex but then changed. The only good thing is that he has told me many times to go and find a good man and that he is bad and that I deserve better. Do these people know what they are doing?We didn’tlive together but sometimes he would text me 30 times a day asking for sexy texts and photos but not with my picture on. I couldnot stop myself from replying and think I got addicted. He said we could never have a deep and meaningful conversation and that he could live without love and care but not sex. Sometimes last thing at night he would ring just to give me a kiss and find out if I was naked. He was just so strange but did admit it and did try and finish it more than once as he said I was a good and kind lady. He said he didn;t have sex with other1 women because of his back ground. Anyway last week I went round to his house as a surprise and he was really cross but then got over it and we went for a meal and talked about progressing what we had. We went back and I did say I may have met another guy to see his reaction. Anyway he didn’t seem bothered and then we had sex. In the morning he said he had something serious to tell me and said he had a lady friend for 3 or 3years who he just talked to for hours and nothing else. I got upset but he said he liked being with her and he liked being with me and he liked the sex with me, I was really upset as I thought I was intelligent but he never wanted to talk to me, He then said he couldnever talk to me. then he said he wish he hadn’t told me. I then had to drive home in a state and he called me to see if I was ok. I mean how stupid am I. hE OWES ME MONEY so will have to keep some sort of contact as he says he will pay me back as soon as I can. He also says he doesn’t want much contact in the future. I just feel ridiculous at may age but I was just so hooked by him. I hope I can get over this

  94. Ironically, if you haven’t noticed, there’s a pattern between abusers and mental illness. I was an abuser, not physically but mentally and didn’t even know i was doing it. This is how I honestly felt inside. However God has delivered me from this demon. I felt like she would leave me for someone better, and i loved her so m uch that i was afraid if she left the house she would cheat, I was afraid of her talents, or higher acheivements meant higher standards in picking ot her men, such as like me being a mechanic making low wage vs a lawyer…. I find that alot of this abuse starts at home as a child. My father was a man like this to my mother. And every new wife he married, he would tell them the ex’s were crazy and did someth ing aweful to him. Like when my step mom said screw this and left his butt for another man for safetys sake, he claims cheating. and she claims getting away from your psycho ass lol. It isn’t funny when it gets more serious. But I just now am thankful I understand what I was doing. I have learned that trust is always a must. Even if there’s 100 chances someones going to cheat, because without it we drive ourselves mad. And the understanding that life is full of chances, to love with all you got, all in and if you lose hey! at least you loved with all you had. Instead of saying when you die, i was an angry ogar ,jealous and envious and full of abuse. But honestly though…. Alot of these men, have no control, or even realize their being abusive. Or they think their abuse is “not so bad” and will threaten u in fear of being arrested. I’ve been one. So i know. And i never wante dto be that way. in fact i really was sorry and felt bad, and wanted to change. But I could’nt ever change. and that i kept a secret. wouldn’t admit. was full of pride. But mental illness, is a key role, in abuse. TRUST ME. Thank God i am saved.

  95. Holy cow, I went out with a guy who matched most of these. I’d known him a few months and everything anyone had to say about him was all good, so when he asked me out I figured it’d be worth a shot. I’d never gone out with a guy before, and it was exciting to get to try.

    Within a week (we started dating in the fall) he’d made some kind of off hand comment about how March was a good month to get engaged in. I didn’t know what to do with that, so I just kind of blew it off. Everything got bad fast, though. He would ask my opinion of things and then try to convince me I was wrong for having that opinion, would ignore me in front of other people, and made jokes in front of my parents about how I have a lot of student loans and spent all his money (he got angry if I even tried to pick up the bill when we went out to eat). To top it off, he sent me numerous e-mails and started several conversations “wondering” if it was healthy for a girl to not mind looking boyish. (I’m tall, skinny, and short-haired. Sometimes old people mistake me for a guy.) I’d been insecure about this subject in the past, but had since gotten over it– or so I thought. Having him harp on it all the time was extremely hurtful, and if I ever tried to bring it up he would claim to have “forgotten” asking before, and would say it wasn’t that big of a deal.

    Geez, it sounds crazy to have even gone out with him now, but at the time I thought I was crazy for not seeing him like everyone else saw him– as a really cool guy. By the end, I was afraid he would tell my few other friends that I was crazy and got angry over nothing and all kinds of stuff. Really, as I tried to address stuff, he got more and more depressed and made it feel like it was my fault to the point where I thought he wanted to break up with me. He wouldn’t do the deed, so I did one day, and I felt worlds better (after the initial I-just-broke-up hour of crying).

    Turns out he still wants to go out with me. Yeah. If he ever shows up on my doorstep, he’s getting the door slammed in his face and locked.

    It’s been almost a year since the break-up, and I still feel creepy whenever a guy’s nice to me, like it’s going to be that same ride all over again. I guess the advice I’d pass along is your feelings are important. Even if everyone else thinks you’re crazy for feeling scared or whatever, DON’T just go along and hope it’ll work itself out. If your romantic partner (or non-romantic partner, as it was in my case) cares about you, they’ll care that you’re feeling bad and not just say you’re crazy or make you feel bad about it. Even if they’re nice other times, someone who invalidates your feelings is a jerk to end all jerks.

  96. My now ex meets 90% of those wow but I meet 3 to scary thought

  97. omg.. I did not realize how crazy my boyfriend was until I read this, he fits all of these!.. I was almost in tears reading this :-( I know in my heart now that this relationship is sour, I have to let him go.

  98. It sounds like you are talking about my boyfriend. Everything you wrote describe him. He thinks that every guys is trying to get with me just because they would compliment me. He made a comment to me saying “That is why I love ugly women. nobody checks them out.” Then he would try to lower my self esteem saying “you too skinny” “this outfit makes you ugly” so on and so forth. I try not to let that affect me but I gave up so much for him. He is the worst mistake of my life but now I’m scared I might be pregnant. :-(

  99. I am in a 4+ year relationship with a 56 yr old man that exhibits almost everyone of these indications. I love him…and our lives are so entwined that I see no way out. He provides for me…he spoils me rotten…most of the time…and LOVES for me to brag about it. BUT it all comes with a price…he yells and screams…he manipulates and uses all of that to get me to do his bidding…and be at his beck and call. Everytime he decides to get angry he picks one tiny something that I have said and twists it to fit his need. He will manipulate every conversation to make me the bad guy. He will say something ugly and if I say it back to him then he gets mad. He is NEVER wrong. Never apologizes. Controls every aspect of my life and gets mad if someone else messes up and I don’t jump in with guns blazing to right their wrong. I’m scared of him. But I can’t leave. HELP!!!

  100. I think my dad might be a pycopath he fits some of signs.

  101. Dating Jackal and Hyde was always the term I used to describe my boyfriend.
    He would do anything and everything he could to bring me down and turn things around on me. I truly believed that he was incapable of love.

  102. This is something I wrote while still in a relationship with the abuser. I just found it today…it was written while he was away, and I knew I would have to break it off in time. Finally, I had enough this August, and he was already in love by Sept.! You get NO thanks for putting up with an abuser, so if you are thinking you’ll get some recognition, watch out.

    Your statement that if you are a peaceful person, you’ll find yourself fighting is so RIGHT ON. Also, that relapse that comes after you finally get out. For me it was a month after. I cried and begged him to get back with me. But it was providence that he’d already moved on.

    Now I’ve met a wonderful guy, and I have high hopes for our future. He is laid back and kind, although I am taking it super slow.

    Here are the words I wrote in May:

    “I’m taking a breath
    between the left and the right.
    Finally the pressure
    has a wake…
    I’m hiding between the hope and the real.
    God make me strong
    for what I probably have to do,
    For what I have to do…

    I’m just a silly girl,
    I’m just a grown woman,
    I’m just a bitch to you
    it seems,
    I’m just a mess these days…

  103. Once, I had a girlfriend that was a psycho – but at first and for a long time I didn’t realize that she was, in fact, I didn’t know any person could exhibit these strange qualities in real life. I was lucky – once she finished her cycle with me, she was done with me forever, and though I pined to get her back, slowly I realized how much manipulation and mind control she used to grip my life and decisions, and how those decisions to please her (to keep her) were doing myself many injuries and injustices. Later, as I became myself again I realized how much more painful and destructive it would have been to have been kept by her than it was to separate…she did me a great service by moving on to new conquests – I’m so glad to have escaped the fate of her wheel of misfortune!

  104. I’m in a relationship -well were broke up for prolly the 100th time in two years. He always breaks up with me.

    He calls me a crackpot all the time. He act like its a joke sometimes but then says the reason were not together is because I’m a crack pot.

    I couldn’t believe when I read the article because it was an exact description of him! Except he never says he is sorry. I am the one that can’t get over him. If I do ignore him he will text me crackpot or call until I respond

    . He makes me cry almost every day. Unless he is in a good mood.

    He watches porn all the time and asks for oral sex everyday. He always gets invitesvon instant messaenger from the porn girls but acts like he doesnt know why. He has not want to have sex though in a long time. He never lets me know what he is doing or where he is going but when we’re together he has to know my schedule and if it changes he gets mad and says that’s part of the problem. He gets mad about everything and rages at everyone unless it’s someone he wants to impress and then he is very well mannered and charming

    It’s depressing – I have changed -lost my spark. I’m not happy at all. The weird thing is this person who treats me like shit and makes me feel horrible -I look to him to make me feel better and feel like I’m more depressed without him. He has captured my world and made it a very dark place.

    He has a loving and needy side and 2 years ago when we first met was very sweet but it changed fast. He won’t kiss me or tell me he loves me. Just wants the sex and now it’s just the oral sex. I am not an ugly girl and although I have gained a few pounds I’m still considered slim and very good shape which shouldn’t matter.

    I feel like its Alice in wonderland and I need to slay the grabberwalky but I feel like I’m not ready. I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time moving on. I guess I don’t want to let go of someone I’m close to even though he prolly will never be capable of loving me like I feel I need to be loved and just treated decent like friends

  105. Oh my god……so you know justin sard!!

  106. I was with guy for almost 5 years,when i meet him,he was getting out of the military and thought he was divorce,but found out couple months later his divorce wasn’t final till couple months later,anyways i moved in with him,took care of him,he works crazy hours,and took care of his young son while working in another town,I help him pay the bills,I paid half of everything,house,water,elec,grocery and etc.after couple monthd of living with him i found out he was on many dating sites,even nude ones,then found out his ex-wife was pregnant apprently they we’re still sleeping together,matter worse i have invested so much that i had a hardtime leaving,everytime i wanna leave he would tell me,so you dont care if i lost my job? you dont care about me and my son? i wanted to leave,but he makes me feel guilty all time, he put gps on my car,all calls goes straight to his number,he never wanted me to go anywhere without him,he would borrow money from me,but never pay me back,he would tell me baby i owe the day care can you pay it for me? feel stupid that i stayed,in the end he left me ,cause he found out i have a friend that cares for me,and wanted to help me out to get out of that relationship,and he accuse me of cheating.never listen to what i have to say,he listen to hi ex-wife and to the people he ask advice from,this man mad me change my job to suit his work schedule,cause he wanted me to be home all the time,if i wanna visit friends he wants me to take his son with me,he calls me none stop,if i dont asnwer he gets mad,everyone in my life told me this guy is a sociopath,but he calls me a narcisist..he told everyone i was a narcisist.i still love this guy,and i pray to god that i can forget him ,and move on with my life.i wanna know if anyone had the same experience as i do.and maybe can give me some good advice:)

  107. After reading this article it really did open my eyes.I was with my boyfriend or shall i say “fiance” for 7 months. I saw a bunch of red flags at the beginning of the relationship but figured it was insecurities of his own. After 2 months he asked me to move with him for the summer in which i did in hopes that his jealousy would stop. I got up and left everything, friends,family my jobs. When i lived with him things go worse. He would accuse me of wanting to sleep with his brother and stepfather. He would yell at me if i wore makeup or wore clothes that were tight or fitting. I wasnt allowed to be in the pool in a bathing suit if his brother was home or had friends over. Then the hitting started happening. It was slaps here and there but the slaps got harder and more frequent. Going out to retaraunts was unbareable. He was always accusing me of wanting to have sex with the waiter or any where in public we went he would accuse me of looking and desiring other men. He had complete control over my phone, text messaging, phone calls, he made me delete facebook and change my number. i could go on and on. But before this happens to any of you, after enduring 4 months of this i decided to move home which was two states away. I went back a week later to get some stuff and he ended up attacking me and puting me in the hospital. He broke my face which i had to get surgery for and then had double vision for months later. The sad part is he manipulated me so bad into thinking that i deserved what happened to me because i got him so mad by ignoring his phone calls and abandoning him. I did go back and when we got back together , nothing changed. A few weeks after my surgery he started slapping me again. Bottom line , they will never change and even though you want them to they wont! i am 22 and i struggle with the fact that i allowed myself to be treated in such a way. But i was lucky he didnt kill me when he attacked me so run away from these monsters!!!

  108. My boyfriend has all these signs WHAT DO I DO OMG

  109. Sorry my typing was not good as I was in a rush.He does owe me money as I lent him some when he hadn’t got a job. He has always said that he has a mental illness like aspergers or schizaphrenia and maybe he has – he is certainly not right. I am not sure he is an absolute psycho as sometimes he has said that he cares about me and therefore wants to finish it. He also says he is not interested in changing but I doubt that he can.I can’t imagine him having a lady friend who he talks to now and again for hours on end and thats all.he says he has never taken her out anywhere and that she knows his background. Unless of course it is some sort of therapy.

    Also in the past he has told me ridiculous lies about what hes done in his life – I think he is a compulsive liar. I think he also stole some money from me once but cant prove it.

    It is all a ightmare but he is such a well spoken educated man and it is very hard to be strong. We live quite away from eachother in the south of the uk so I d.on’t know anyone who knows him. At the moment I am thinking about all these things all the time

  110. Not afraid anymore says:

    I have lived with my wife like this for eight years. 6years in marriage it wasn’t until she manipulated me out of my house with her family lawyer.She abused me my whole relationship eggshells went through out the house. even in my bed, she would bring up my ex-wife. whom she came into her house as a mistress when i would say you can’t come in it’s not right but she insisted (Redflag)Then wanting to buy me and my now ex’s house (redflag)And hated my ex. And she never caused any problem.Then when we would go out she would be on me about this woman and that woman all my friends she did not like and i don’t think she liked hers. While being on stage she would talk about me and say i had no boundaries. (singer) she could talk to her ex, but i had to let her know everything that was said. and it was about my boys.My 2 boys 18 and 19 were losers and she could never love them like she loved her own,it was to much drama she said.Then i left and i’m trying to get my life back in order but its hard because they strip everything and blame it all on you. i caught her in a compromising situation with her Ex and she straight out lied in my face and said i should see a shrink and be on medication and she offerd these flimsy reasons why it could not be her. and concocted all these things in her head i swear its a demonic possesion. You know the Linda Blair thing, head twisting around.

  111. The last relationship I was involved in had a lot of these signs. She lived a double life for the year that we were together. She would poison my happiness by calling me a “b*tch” or a “f*gg*t”, calling into question my manhood if I didn’t want to argue with her. She talked about all of her friends behind their back and asked me not to say anything to them when we broke up but told all of our mutual friends disparaging things about me that she found after she hacked my facebook and twitter. She’s socially charming, cracking jokes and having a fun and enriching personality but behind closed doors she would hit me and make me feel like less of a person. A lot of my friends told me to get out early, especially since her parents were racist and homophobic but I felt I could sustain and maybe help her since she had troubling relationships in the past where guys had cheated on her or she had been with guys who were already involved.
    One of her exes, who is now engaged, she actually hooked up with him while he was dating the other girl just to get her revenge. I was with this shallow, manipulative individual for a year in hopes that I could change her but I realized sometimes some people are just abusive because they’re not happy with themselves.

  112. This is totally me. I feel like a shit boyfriend now.

  113. Sounds just like the guy im with now.

  114. it seems like i did the right thing.. i broke up with my partner last 5 months.. i don’t want to leave him because i feel sorry for him , i’m thinking that no one will love him again the way i did, no one will understand him the way i did, but i realized that I am the one who will sorry in the end..he had all this signed.. what i hated him the most was , the way he kicked the cat and punched it to the head..he was different in front of my family and my friends and different when we were alone.. i want to help him but i think its over..

    • There is no help for people like that, been there done that. people that are like this, they think that everyone else has the issues not them. My ex was real good at putting up a front you would have thought he was the perfect gentlmen. when he got me home he done a 360 then asshole mode kicked in. he was mean to his pets, his kids and me. You have to make a descion stay and deal with it because they dont change, or get out before it gets worse.

  115. I know where everyone is coming from. I am recently divorced from my ex ( a lesbian) whom I was with for 18 years.
    She lied to the judge and took my children. She abused me so badly I developed PTSD. And even though we are divorced, – she is mean and awful to deal with. She lies to everyone, – and is believable…
    She shows up drunk to drop my son off after her visitation..
    Although I have never lied, no one believes me… I am well educated, and did a great job raising my kids. SHe was always at work. I was a slave. SHe stole everything from me..
    I am all alone out here with no help in sight…

  116. I’ve just moved out but he’s saying he can’t live without me..i dunno if i can either. i cat imagine my life without him..i can’t go back to that house..he owned it and every time he had an episode i felt trapped. he displays all signs and is an alcoholic and occasionally takes drugs. im so afraid of being without him. he says he’ll get better..i really wishvthat were true. he says he’ll do whatever it takes and please don’t break up withbut him. im so confused..i know i cat live there but could we stay together ? living on friends couch and can’t see the wood from the trees

    • I was told the same thing. dont beleive him it is just a trap to get you back. you left so he lost all control, he does not know how to handle it because you were in control of the sitution. I would cut my losses. My ex told me that he would change to and get help if I stayed with him, its a lie never happen, its all a head game to people like this. You have close friends and family spend time with them. They will help you move on with your life. You can do better!!

  117. Hi everyone, I thought I would give you a update. I have posted my story on this site, and have tried to help some of you on things. The loser I was with use to live down the road from me. Well I was so hoping he would move, thank god I got my wish!!! He moved during thanksgiving weekend. I am so happy and if feels like a big brick off my shoulders. I hated the fact that he just lived down the road from me. I dont care where he moved to either!! I am in my 4 month of college and things are going great, made some new friends and really enjoying life like it should be. I am going to a comedy club this weekend with some friends and it will be fun. I am nerves alittle bit because I know that the loser goes there to. sometimes I wish I would run into him because I would be holding my head up high!!! Letting him know that he did not knock me down. I will make sure when I go out this weekend that I will be dressed to kill!! My husband and friends told me cathy you cannot stop going to places, just because he goes. They are right So we are doing a double date this weekend. If I see him OHHHHH WELLLLLL!!! I just hope he does not have the nerve to say anything to me because I have nothing good to say!!

  118. Question…trying to get my head round this! How come these people typically are so amazing for the first year..ish and then suddenly hit u with all this shit? How do they suck u in to think they are normal caring people..and why does it always feel like the greatest all consumming, passionate love? Ive no idea how I let myself get sucked in before realising their true colours? Do i pick the wrong I vunerable or are they good at hiding it for awhile? Ive often wondered about my exes/boyfriend..(who knows what we are right now..) past girlfriends and if they were subject to this behaviour too?

  119. Holy crap, I could put a tick next to every number just about. I just broke up with my partner and she called me a Psychopath. I got curious what defines one and it turns out she is the perfect Psychopath. I’m really gutted have never even raised my voice at her. Now she has taken out a DVO against me!!

  120. I am so fortunate I found this website today of all days. I have been dating a guy for the past 15 months and I wish I could say he hid the fact that he was a total psycho but he didn’t. I was coming off of a divorce and although he was difficult at times I have never been with someone so caring and loving. What I have come to realize (through this article and many of your comments) that he wasn’t caring and loving he was obsessive and insecure. He was the definition of a wolf in sheep’s clothing, never wrong, if he ever did anything it was always in reaction to something I did which could have been months previous. I have realized it is impossible to reason with people who are like this and I am very hurt and frustrated by the whole experience. Since I just cut all ties today I know I am going to have many other emotions to deal with and yes at times I will miss him, but not him the person he pretended to be. I am going to use this website as a tool and reminder that I am doing the best thing I can for myself and that it will get better.

    • You are doing the right thing. I know what you have been through, and yes it sucks. I knew the man I was with for five years, and worked with him. I thought he was the greatest guy, then when when we moved in together he did a 360. I have never been with anyone like that in my life. I was just tormented for 7 months. I felt like I was in the movie SAW!! I try to get him help but he did not think he had a issue. People like that you can not change, that is just the way they are. They feel that everyone else has the issues not them. People like this fill that the world is out to get them. And you are right they are very insecure and very controlling. When they first meet you they put on that charm until they get you, after that then hell starts. I told myself never again and you can do much better. I have change my whole life around since my ex. it has been 6 months now and i have went back to school. I have never felt more better about myself. I have found old friends and new friends which I was not allowed to have when I was with him. Life is to short to live that way. it will take some time but you will get over him.

  121. My partner is this way.. What’s more, he had the habit of finding fault and breaking up with me. But the sad part is that I do love him that I always try to make amends for the imaginary fault so he will come back to me.. Maybe there’s something wrong with me..

  122. It seems like we are all talking about the same guy!!! My best friend was in a bad relationship and I could not understand why she took so much bull!!!! I later understood because I found myself in the same situation. It is like those women you see on Lifetime movies and you sit there watching and say “WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET YOUR CRAP AND GO!!!” It is easier said then done. When you meet him he is everything wonderful and keeps you wanting more. Until he reveals a side of himself that you never would of known was there. He takes a piece of you everytime and breaks you down. He knows when to crush you and knows when to manipulate you. You keep holding on because you love the man he can be and you put up with his bull. I lost everyone around me including myself. I couldnt understand why he didnt see what everyone else saw in me. I had to prove myself to him. I believe that was another reason I stayed. It took me a while to put myself back together and get my confidence back. I still have flash backs but three years later I am better then I have ever been before. Im married and have the best husband ever!!!! And yes there are good men out there ladies. Dont lose hope or yourself. What I have learned is to take your own advise and aknowledge that your are stronger then you think. I remember those two years as …THE LOST YEARS…

  123. I used to be in a relationship with a guy just like that for three years about a year ago (even threatened to kill me and this one girl after the “relationship” I went through him and I was naive), which people knew about how that relation went, definitely my family but he acted different around my mother. Some of his friends always denied it though. He was hit and killed by two cars yesterday, and geez, everyone, even some of my friends that he was an ass to, acts like he was some sort of saint instead of a stalker and jerk.

    I knew he would be hit by a car and all that. I did tell him he would get hit since he always jumped into traffic. *rolls eyes*
    But karma is a bitch and he got what he had coming. I do feel bad for his mother though, she was a nice lady. :\

    But I had the best night sleep in years, even though it was three hours of sleep. :P

  124. I keep coming back to this page because I need reassurance that my decisions were right.
    For two months I dated a guy who was 15 years older than me (I’m 30). In the beginning I was completely blown away by his charm, his humor, his knowledge and he used to overwhelm me with how much he talked (I could barely get a word in). The bad thing was that at that same time my dad was taken to a hospital so emotionally I was very vulnerable and probably blind to some warning signs.
    From very early on, he talked about marriage, and how I’m getting too old to have a family so I should start right away with him etc. I’m planning on moving overseas in couple of weeks (he knew about it from the beginning) and he started using this information against me. He even once sent me a text message saying that “given the opportunity, I will make you a child, that way I will have a wife and baby and you won’t leave…”I argued back that a child should come when both people are very much in love and ready (I’m not ready). He replied that I’m not giving him a choice about moving away so he won’t give me a choice with the child.
    Then he broke up with me calling me horrible names, after I mentioned that I’m sorry for hurting him with my departure (I truly was sorry about that, however by that time, I also started to feel that he is way too pushy and I need to get out of that relationship. So I tried to make it look like it was his idea…) After he broke up with me, he sent me an email 3 days later offering marriage (he wanted to get married within a WEEK!, he said that he doesn’t care if I don’t love him anymore, that he loves me and he will marry me no matter what my feelings are…suddenly he was even willing to move overseas with me- to a country he deeply despised and talked badly about all the time).I politely refused and said that I would like to take a break in our relationship.
    That was in the beginning of October. My friends and family said that I should go completely silent and ignore him so that he can get over it. But to this day, he won’t leave me alone. I got pleading, cynical, threatening, warning text messages, emails, he even went to my mom’s work and tried to explain that he loves me(they never met before). He apparently waited in front of my work (I fortunately never saw him there) and he even came to my house (I never showed him where I lived)and gave my sister a bag full of presents for me trying to get me back.
    On the day of his birthday (a month ago) he sent me a message that his mom died so I felt really bad, so this was the only time I broke my silence I texted him “my deepest sympathy”, but now I think that he might have made it up, because since then I got tons of messages from him and he never mentioned her at all (nor grieving about her, he just talks about me and how much I hurt him and how I forced him into loving me although he didn’t want to, and where did I get the idea that he was forcing me to marry him and have children with me…)
    Fortunately I shared all the correspondence with my family, otherwise I would think that I’m the one who made everything up and he is right.

    My question is : should I write to him to finally leave me alone or should I just continue ignoring him? I will probably permanently move away in 3 weeks to overseas…

    • I will be honest with you, he sounds like he has issues and I would not get involed with him again. I would ignore him dont reply at all no texting , no phone calls and not emails. As long as you keep responding he is not going to leave you alone. if it gets to bad, get your number changed. That is what I had to do my ex would text me to be mean and if I ignored him then he would text me being nice. thinking I would answer if he was nice. dont fall for it, it is just another trap so he can keep strings attached with you. Ignore him give it a few weeks when you dont reply then he will get the picture.

    • I am in a situation like that now. My boyfriend fits all of these characteristics to a T. We just got out of an argument just a few mins ago. Arguments with him consist of long lectures and what I am doing wrong and how I need to use my brain, and using the Bible to prove his point. And how much more about life he knows than me. Even something as simple as why I covered my shoulders with a scarf in the home, and why I wear a tank top and jean jacket (Conservatively) is a problem and hypocritical. And today he won a 5K race. So now he is bragging about how people are offering him opportunities, because one woman thought to use her brain to ask him to participate—as if I do nothing for him. I tried to break up with him. He said he should ignore this..and focus on his career. I said I should do the same. He said, now you want to get even? If you were a wise woman, you would know what I mean! He says, I should know that he loves me, and that i shouldn’t mind if he insults me out of anger. Out of insults comes wisdom. And I told him I am depressed from how he treats me and other things in my life…he said, that is your problem, you deal with it. And this is a Christian. I tried to get out this time, but I wasn’t strong enough….so he pulled me back in. Really I am praying for strength to finally walk away for good….I’ve lose who I am…and I feel numb most of the time, and he knows it, and it makes him feel power over me.

  125. helpless in hawaii says:

    Similar to the situation that I have…I am now 8 years and pregnant with my third child into a severely abusive relationship. I am literally amazed that I am still alive. I am very amazed at the descrption above of a psycopath because it describes him word for word…tho no matter what I do or say he won’t leave..I tried calling cops and he hides somewhere else till the cops leave then comes back n beats me which I am currently sitting in the dark in my room in a corner and writing this because I just got dirty lickens from him again n having a hard time to stand…he is always drunk and always hitting me. Sometimes I feel like my only way out is to kill myself before he kills me!

  126. I will tell you this, the urge to text back or communicate with a crazy ex is so tempting. It is because there is no closer. You cant understand why somebody would treat you this way. you blame yourself for being so stupid. You feel like you have to prove to him that he is the crazy one and not you. In reality you both are but in different ways because he has made you crazy. I had to move, change jobs, and change my number. It was the best decision I made through it all. You may feel he has taken a part of you but he has not taken all of you, just time. You can move forward so do not look back. Lesson learned right? Now you can use this to help others and you know what signs to look for when another crazy comes along!! I am telling this it will crush his little heart if you ignore him and change your number because they cant stand not being in control. YOU WIN!!!

  127. I was in a relationship 5 years with an ex drug user and dealer who went through rehab at the salvation army. Started out well, when he drank he would get loud and gruff. He had an awful childhood being in a LA gang, bastard,and a mom who never wanted him. At age 18 moved to the state I live in. Married twice, second marriage got involved dealing drugs and getting his family hooked. Thrown in jail, felonies, etc. Went through Salvation army for 2 year treatment. I met him at the store. He was friendly, charming,I remained guarded. I let my guard down. We started as friends and ended up in a relationship. He was kind, good hearted and I believe he was a good man. When he drank he got loud, gruff, and irritable. He adored me, I loved him but not in love. Wanted to be, could not connect mentally, He broke up with me in August while out of town. He moved in with a woman from his drug days. She abused him, hit him and he or she left. Than he tried to reconnect. I would not let him in. He was extremely depressed and went on antidepressants and suffered PTSD. I texted, we saw one another, I did not trust him he did not come clean about his relationship. I reconnected. We were together he said how he missed me and loved me. On Dec 31, 2012 he called me to say I love you, thanks for being so loving and kind. After ignored my text, calls. Found out he left town with his ex girlfriend who abused him and left me a message to say he loves her, making a life with her, and chooses her, move around get a life. Now, I have closure. The best New Years gift he gave me is he left and ended this. I am on the right road. Lessons to learn and rely on your instincts.

  128. Just looking at all these comments I can see how many of them there are in this world! I am living the same abuse and have been for 2 years now married and can`t get out because he wants to punish me by keeping me legally bound to him. I will not detail my experiences because I have checked all the situations described here and it is crystal clear. Since there are so many, sometimes I wish there was a law to protect us from them and send them directly to special treatment. Knowingly or not, these people are a threat to every person with common sense, trust and will to be happy. Sad, Sad, Sad! So lucky I did not get pregnant!

  129. Had a psycho try to invade the family. Most all family members knew from the start (especially the parents)there were some disturbing unhealthy issues with the invader. However the family member had to process the relationship and as family and friends had predicted family member had to move away and get out of the abusive relationship. The abuser could not let go and continued to make direct and indirect contact. Abuser began to harass other family members who gave support and encouragement to end relationship. The abuser for some insane reason felt justified in continuing to make contact. This particular person has no respect for individual freedom and choice. Angry outburst with vulgarities were the first sign of a mental deficient person. Most all of the signs in the above article were displayed and describe the psycho very well. If you have a friend or family member who you sense is in a relationship with someone who has the signs of a psycho, get them to read this article. Thanks to the family member for forwarding this article to me.

  130. Hi, I would suggest that you change your lock on the door while he,s out ,arrange a time for him to collect his stuff which you will leave in bin bags outside. Get help from family and friends. If you can tell his own relatives what he’s been up to and keep a diary and photos of bruises, abusive messages and texts for the police. I have been told that my four year old , has poor social skills ,timid,lacking in confidence as a result of him witnessing his fathers treatment of me whenever he has a bad day. It,s verbal abuse, the other day I offered him a cup of tea only for him to grunt nastily at me I responded that ok I wouldnt make him one, he shouted at me to f**k off and slammed a door really loudly. My son has been asking why daddy upsets me. My sons school have advised me to get counselling, because it’s hard to be a good mother when you feel traumarized, trapped and scared. I’m present but not totally present if you know what I mean. My partner didn,t even stay awake and help me when I was in labour, just went off to sleep while I was in agony, never held my hand once. Always feels sory for himself but twists rhings ,makes me feel guilty,I’m in debt as he hardsly gives me any money, but he flew into so many rkages about the state of the house that I felt compelled to spend and improve it. He did appreciate this and calmed down no psycho outbursts for two months, and then he got bad news at work, cue mr nasty again. Any way I’m planning to kick him out, I thought I wa doing the right thing by my son, as he is a loving dad, bot now I think I should have left when my son was a baby, as knowing he was an abusive mentally deranged man I never wanted to live with him

  131. Interesting list.. I am a 20 y/o psychopath trying to have a healthy relationship and I notice that I am all of those things to my current partner. She knows what I am, and the feelings that I have and don’t have and chooses to stay with me. I treat her well, but I slip up badly at times.. she knows that when I say something mean it is not really about her. I mean, I meant it at the time but it’s not what I want her to think. Anyway, would any girls date a psychopath, knowing what he was, if he treated you right? It’s not my fault I don’t feel empathy, but I can still make you feel good. Just food for thought.

  132. Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I to find It really helpful & it helped me out a lot. I am hoping to give one thing again and aid others like you helped me.

  133. I was with a girl like that. I still don’t know if it was my fault or not but she never did anything for me and it was always me who was doing things for her. She ended it with me after I finally snapped and started to tell her that I’m really going to leave if she doesn’t stop being so hateful and negative to me. I was so exhausted from her that I gained eight, and now that she left me, I haven’t eaten for ten days. She broke up with me nearing v-day and I really tried to associate her even knew who she really was to which she acknowledged and thanked me for staying. I never gave up on her but she left eventually after I started to show signs of year and frustration. I really wish someone can hear me and talk to me because I still pray for her and I pray that God can comfort my broken heart. I’m somewhat certain that I was not manly enough and a bit immature at love but I’m 27, never fatted in hs,, first relationship was when I was in the Navy at age 22 for over a year (my ex talks to me and tries to story me and wish I can be more of a, mature man to toughen and move on) and this recent relationship with this negative, nd hateful woman for 4 months. Can someone hear my story? I’m not a dating expert or a suave guy, I’m humble, loving and trying even tho I snapped in the end and kept telling her that I was in pain because of her split personality. Please contact me and hear my story. I really wishmy heart can get closure. I’m too inexperienced at this which is why I have only two ex, one who stays and says that I’m nice and gentle and that I can do anything I set my eyes on, the other who thinks I failed her and that I’m less than trash. I really want closure because I just don’t know how to move on and be tougher. My Skype is gorosuki. Add me if you want to hear my shock

  134. Hello, everyone!
    I’m really shocked seeing that there’s a lot of people being abused, and I’m truly sorry because of that. I found this text accidentally, when I decided to do some research about this kind of issues, inspired by my new relationship. I want to share with you what I have noticed ‘till now, and I would love to hear your opinions about it.
    First of all, I have to say that this may look a little bit paranoid to all of you who experienced the worst, but I am very analytic and suspicious person, and I if I can’t avoid potential problems, I surely want to be mentally prepared for them.
    So, as I’ve already mentioned, I have a new boyfriend. We’re in a relationship for two weeks long, and before we started dating, we used to chat for two months. I don’t think I know him well, but most of things I noticed are really great. The problem comes when I think that his personality has two faces. I mean, he is very gentle with me, he’s dear, caring etc. He is, also, aware of all the good parts of me, and seems like the person who knows to appreciate them. But simultaneously, he is very attracted by those scary, dark, psycho stuff. He loves psycho films, horrors too. And that was totally fine to me – I respect the difference of tastes. But last time we saw each other, he started to talk about torturing a dog. To be precise, he said that he wouldn’t attack a dog first, but if he get attacked, he wouldn’t hesitate to stab him, cut him all the legs except one, than bind him to the car and start driving… I was freaked out, of course! And the tone of his voice was so nonchalant, like he was talking about buying a bread, or something like that… I’m surprised, confused, speechless… I mean, I understand self – defense, but don’t you think that’s gone too far? I have to mention that I don’t know nothing about his past, nothing about his relation with others. He is not open person like I am, and that’s what scares me. He said that after he told me that his cousin killed the dog in self- defense, stabbing a knife into his head, and then took a photo of it, which he found funny.
    I apologize for any mistakes, and thank you onwards for your responses.

  135. Just been on this website and its helped me so much to see how nasty my ex really is.together for four years, got a gorgeous 3year old son but iv gone through stolen, beaten up, made to belive im worthless, lost most of my friends and dumped by her every time she felt like it.but I still love her and dont know why :-(

  136. i need desperate advice. i have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years. when i first got with her things were great and we really got on. then my situation at home changed and it seemed like a good idea to move in together. since then through arguments i have had my televesion and sterio smashed into pieces, she has had me arrested for hitting her in front of my entire family on my cousins birthday when i did nothing and was released without charge, she has snapped up 3 of my sim cards n smashed up 2 of my phones. she has cut up my clothes, stolen my car and rang me up sayin she had been having sex with somebody else with it.. because i was out drinking with a friend n i had no signal so she couldnt phone me.. a girl added me on facebook the other day and she went ballistic askinfg me ‘ who the f*** is that girl you have added you dodgy f***er. she consantly eyes up any of my friends that we meet or hang around with and denies it until shes blue in the face and then tells me i need to go and get help. i ask her about it and she says she is sick of this and im a pysco. i live with her now n am currently unemployed and at college and she knows i cant move back in with my parents and threatens to kick me out all the time. she is constantly saying bad things about all my family and praisinfg the fgood things her family do for her.. she complains abouot her job every single day and it depresses me. she once hacked onto my facebook and changed the password and e-mail adress, and then for several weeks used my account and went on it pretending to be me n sayin god knows what to people.. ive had enough and no longer love her , she shouts and scream all the time while her brother is living in the same house and it makes me so embarrassed an shamed and i hate to think what he must think of me. she constantly slams doors and makes her presence known. ive decided to gfo in the marines and have applied today but theres a catch … she’s pregnant… what the hell do i do … she says she is going to get an abortion n i dont know what to think i dont know how i am holdingf myself tofgether at the moment, my best friend says he ‘doesnt know how i do it’ and you can tell my family think the same but they dont get to find out most of what goes on… she is an angel in front of them and only i see her true side… what do i do ??

    • I will be honest with you. I would have her prove she is pregnant. and make sure it is yours girls like to use that excuse alot so the person will not leave them. I would leave even if she was because she is not going to change. I was with someone like this for 8 months and he tries his best to beat me down but it backed fired. You have to relize that she has the issue not you. I would go into the marines that me be one of the best things you can do. You have to love yourself and better yourself. If she really wants to change than she needs to admit she is sick and get help. Usually people like this its because of there childhood they did not have a good one. and that is all they know. I am in college and taken psycolegy now and I have lerned alot about different type of people. This issue is not hard wired in her she can get help so she will think the correct way but she has to want it first. If not than there is no hope for her. Good Luck.

      • hey…can u suggest some ways to make such peopl undr our control…my boyfrn loves me a lot
        bt i feel it as irritation and he s a sort of psyco..he overreacts even in a very small situation…he creats issues if things are not as he thinks..he even creats scens in frnt f public…he blackmails me f thngs are nt n hs contrl..he couldnt contrl hs anger…he always calls me offensive words…am totally scared of him….how can i control hm ?i need hm to understand how bad s hm…pls help me

  137. M dating a guy he dose all this shit though he hs nvr raised his hand on me or abused me what he does is he only abuses my friends and hes damn emotional …i dnt wana brkup with him because hes really lovin n caring but his over posesive and doubtful nature kills me..Is dere any way i cn get him normal ?????by concerning doctors or something??please help i need advice!

  138. Anonymous says:

    i dated this guy for over ayear on nd off hed alwauya make me feel like shit and wed fight 24/7and make me seem like the psycho which i cant lie he deff turns me into one cux i get sooo pscho when it comes to him nd idk y and we broke up and a week after i hooked up with a good friend of mine cux i knew i hada get away from him and he screames at mw.and.i got scared and went back to him nd he found out we hooked up and flipped and told the whole schoolp ractivslly now he hasa new freshman girlfriend nd thebone day he started tellin me how he wants to marry me and have kids with me.and.i always loved that bout him and like odk i thouhht it was fucked nd.i told my friend and shes friends with his gf and she confronted him biy idk y she forgave him and lile now he haaaaates me ans.i feel likw i kus wana make him miserable for all he did to me and i hate that he makes me like seem lika pscho and idk what ro do. its hard to jus loce zomeone else.

  139. incredible page, lucky to find it, thanx’s

  140. I post to this page alot because I want people to see and relise that you do not need someone like this in your life. People like this have mental issues and need help and you are not a doctor so you cant help them. I posted my story and I will let everyone know that I will never go down that road again. I know what signs to look for now and everything. I have went back to school and everything. I got my life back i am back to the real me I dont have to pretend anymore to please someone else. I am taking pshycolgy now and man let me tell you I have learned alot and there are all sorts of people out there. My professor is also a dr she has her own practice. I have talked to her about my ex and she told me that people like that useally starts because they had a bad child hood and the way they were showed love and affection was not normal. Like men really need a good father figure in there life. girls need a good mother figure in there life. People like this can be helped they just need to be showed a different way of learning whats right and whats not. the issue is that they have to admit they have a issue and really want the help they need to fix the issue. if the person does not want help well it is a lost cause and you need to just walk away because they wont change.

  141. womantoredown says:

    I just realized I’m dating a real psychopath and a really bad one. It started off as him being charming, exciting, funny and sweet (before the sex) and then suddenly after having sex with him, he turns into a demon. My hands shakes to talk about it. I have shaken badly during the experiences with him and have cried.
    I started dating this guy, after being separated from my husband.
    This guy is I think is as worse as it gets. He makes me sit through long lectures of disciplining me for simply missing one of his calls. He says he is smarter than me and that I”m not focus and off balance, yet I take care of my business. He constantly claims that I was a whore before I met him and I never slept around. Even though I have tried to tell him several times that I never slept around. Actually I only dated 10 guys and three I was with for at least a year and I’m 36 years old. I tried to defend myself and he tells me to shut up. Once I got sick of it and I stood up to face him and told him to stop being mean to me and telling me to shut up, as he pointed down in my face and told me to shut up when I tried to tell him I’m not a whore, (which I never have and never will be), he then told me that I better never stand up to him and face him when he is speaking to me or he will box my face in. When we go out (only when he says and he expects me to pay), he always sit me where all the women is and where he can face the women and stare at them while he is speaking ot me, but I”m not aloud to walk to the bathroom if there are guys standing around and if I do, he says I got a few minutes and he is coming to see what I’m doing. He has even told me that I’m his investment and that when I make money I should be putting it in his hands. He times my phone calls back (checking to see how far apart they are), Yesterday I reached my breaking point and told him to treat me like his equal and I’m a person with feeling. He said, “You are a person, but I’m a man, you are a woman, so you are not my equal” He tells me I could be great if I didn’t have whore behavior (which I don’t), this is if I wear anything that fits snug or a dress or skirt. I’m an attractive women with a curvy sultry built and he says because of that he knows I was a whoring and men only want me for that, I’m not special. He accuses me of posting nude pics on the internet which I have never done. He stone walls me when people are around and if I tell him that i don’t like him giving me the silent treatment for no reason, he then goes in to a long discipline type lecture and I’m suppose to sit quietly while he stands over me tearing me down. I recently found out he was in jail for violence, so I’m guessing it was for being violent with someone. He always make sure he tells me something about how many women he had and how they mislead them on how good they were in bed. I haft to hear his sex stories but if I even mention a guy trying to talk to me, he goes off. I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and I brought up that I dated a guy when we split up briefly, He got so upset he grabbed my risk and threatened to box my head in (punch me in my face) and told me he better never here me speak of any other guys I dated or he is going to be done with but not til after he boxes my face in. He then warned me by telling me his sister didn’t listen to him, so he punched her in the face and now she is afraid of him.

    He constantly intimidates me and menipulates other people to believe what he says about me. He constantly compares me to his guy friend. He has also told him bad things about me and one night when I refused to discuss our problems with him, the issue of him stone walling me when women are around, his friend cursed me out in my car and in the street and he joined right in.
    The whole abuse was so bad, I almost threw up in the street from it. They both after seeing my cousins house and car, accused me of not having my stuff together, when I actually own a good car, have a nice place with nice stuff and own everything in it and is currently the owner of house. I’m also educated and accomplished writer but they stood in the street in the dark tearing me down and in my car. It got so bad I just start screaming for them to leaving me alone.

    I know I got to get away from him, but he says he if I do not answer his calls, he will come to my crib. I believe he will. I’m currently moving into my first house (as a first time owner) and so I will be changing my cell number and making sure he does not have my new address.

    He is demanding that I get a house for him to stay, give him cash I earn from working, give him oral pleasure (with him being allowed to shove his thing down my throat) and shut up when he is speaking to me.

    He will be very kind and charming in text and when he calls me but once I see him in person he says things like, “If someone saw you outside they would not believe you are a good woman, they would think you are a whore”. Yet I’m not wearing nothing revealing or whoreish.
    He will proclaim he is good to me and he can get many women, and I should feel lucky because he chose me.

    I can go on and on, but in just one month of this I feel like If I don’t get away from him, I will have a nervous breakdown.

    On top of this I also think he is bi-sexual and having a sexual relationship with his roommate to. He serves his roommate like he is his wife, (cooks for him, cleans for him, does his laundry..etc and always speaks of him fondly when I’m around. His roommate is always refusing to be involved with any women that he is introduced to, which is suspicous.

    Yesterday was the last time he will be put me through hell. It got to so bad with his abuse, I ending up crying in the bathroom. He locked me in the bathroom from the outside and told me I got what I deserved. Then he threatened to leave mea nd told me to get out. as I was getting my stuff together while crying he said, “why are you still here get the hell out”. I had alot of stuff to get together to take with me. I decided to leave the stuff and he stopped and said, If you are not going to sit there and shut up, and do as I say, then I’m done with you and you need to go on and keep being a whore.

    As I went to leave, he got even more upset and then starting trying to tell me he loves me and is just trying to help me be a better person. I do nothing but serve him, and sit and take his discipline.

    Earlier I went to the gym after seeing him for one hour and my cell went did. He said he better not call my phone and get voice mail and I better be where I say I’m going to be (not aloud to change my plans) or he is coming to my crib and going to box my head in. My cell went dead at the gym, I started shaking. When my cell charged I was scared to look at it.

    Before I ever told him where I lived, when we were first met, he said he drove on my street looking for my car to see where i live. He regularly googles me and checks my internet activity. I modeled briefly (nothing nude but lingerie) and he considers me to be a whore for modeling lingerie)

    Moving in two months will be the perfect chance for me to get far away from him.

    • dear frn…am also stuck n such a situatn.once he was my best frn and i thot hm as d most gud guy i ever met eventhough he s ugly…i was nt worried abt hs ugly looks…bt now i curse myself for getting into dis sure i cannot escape frm dis demon in my entire life…he s d king of selfishness and blackmailing..i hate him..he just traped me…

    • You need to tell him to hit the road!!! mental abruse will lead into physical abruse before long. you do not have to put up with that.

  142. I’m going through this situation right now! Over one year and half of torture, I feel exhausted and still I’m scared to leave. Each day I wanna pack my bags. Right now I wanna pack my bags! I feel old and ugly and stupid and always wrong. How did I got in this relationship?? Ahhh!

    Thank you so much for the article, it is true.

    • dear s…
      i am also n your situatn….
      am titally scared of him………..
      i totally hate hm…bt cannot leave hm as he is a psyco(cant say wat he does to irritate me)..once he posted against me n our fb group …he couldnt control hs anger…he s not human…he s a demon…nobody likes hm n our class…and am forced 2 lyk hm..

    • I was with my “childhood sweetheart” for 25 years. We were married for 14. He meets all but one of these. I see a lot of advice here, but if you have not been through a manipulating/controlling/abusing relationship, there’s no way you could understand what living with someone like this will do to you. It really is brainwashing, and even though someone tells you to leave, you can’t. It might be because you have to get his approval for everything you do because he’s stripped away everything that’s left of “you”, or because you’re just terrified of what he might do. I’ve been through it, and even I don’t have a good answer as to what to do. All I can say as advice, is that if you’re in this kind of relationship, read all that you can (if you can-in my case he didn’t even “allow” me to read self-help books), and try to see for yourself what’s really happening. You have to believe that you are important and that you deserve to do things that you want to do, and that he should not control all the aspects of your life. Maybe then you can find a way to leave without feeling guilt that you have “abandoned” him. This is a VERY unhealthy relationship, and it is NOT love. Peace to all and Godspeed.

  143. Thank you for this blog. Reading your experience gave me force. I did packed my bags and I’m out. Hope with all my heart that I will continue as strong and decided as I am ( it is not the first time that I’m trying to leave him, I just hope it will be the last one…)

    I’m so scared. But it’s more scary to stay with him.

  144. Hello!
    Thank you for the amazing post… Feels like I’m reading about my life!
    Seriously, my BF must have 18-19 out of those 21 traits! We have been together for 6 years now, and living together for a good part of 4 of those. Don’t get me wrong, this is not an abusive, violent guy. Our relationship has been good for the most part (here’s me defending him…), but it is like a rollercoaster. He is an incredibly smart and knowledgeable guy, but can’t do anything constructive with his life. I’ve been supporting him like a married couple all this time.
    He is not abusive per se, but I am always walking on eggshells. Anything I say becomes an issue, and then he STOPS TALKING TO ME for days on end! Try asking what is wrong and the answer is always “Nothing, everything is fine, why?”, when it is clearly NOT!
    He is not jealous at all with other men, but this actually feels like he is not really interested in me and what I do.
    For example, we often find guys on the internet to have threesomes, and have done so for the past 3 years or so. I have to say I find this a lot of fun and sexually liberating, and we both love doing it. The downside is our own one-to-one sexual life has simply collapsed! Every time I want to have sex with him it feels like I’m BEGGING! We can go for weeks without any time of sexual intimacy, but as soon as I mention I would like to find a guy online to have fun with us, his eyes brighten up and he is always ready for it! But with me it is always half-hearted and disinterested.
    Speaking of intimacy, he has a huge problem with it! Do you know, those times when you look into each other’s eyes, deeply, giving, completely opening yourself to them and knowing without words? Well, I don’t for the past 6 years or so… It’s like he is not with me really.
    I have recently met his family – THE most caring and loving people I ever met, and I would love to be part of that. I have a very troublesome family myself.
    It is hard to leave him since he doesn’t have a job (never has) and has nowhere to go. I do feel sorry for him and do love him, and do feel I have grown up with him. I was a just boy when I met him and now I am a man, but everytime he is in the other room not talking to me for no reason (like now) I wonder what to do.
    And I know at some point he is gonna come out from there and “forgive me” for whatever I have done, and it will be all my fault and I will feel like a nutcase! Then we will have another few days of loving baby care… until the next shut down!
    HELP!!! ;-)

  145. i have been n a relationship wid a boy like dis….its very complicated stage now…he s extremely dangerous

  146. I have been in a relationship like this before. For 3 years I was with this guy all throughout high school and I thought he was the one. Before I knew it we were fighting everyday. It was always my fault that he would yell or cheat and I always believed it. I was isolated from the world so I had nobody to turn to. Finally he ended it because he thought I would fight for him but I didn’t, I was happy it was over. But two short months after our break up I started getting stalked. For two months the case was cold, we had no leads. I had an idea it was him but I couldn’t make all the pieces fit. After getting my phone records we finally put the last piece together that proved it was him. I soon stared talking to another guy. He was not happy about this at all. He constantly harassed me about him and we would fight because I was with someone else. After waiting for seven months to hear back from the D.A about the case, still nothing has came. My boyfriend now feels like I need to just move on but doesn’t realize the trauma of being stalked. My ex is dedicated to ruin any happiness i might have by starting rumors about us staying in touch and making plans to see each other and making sure my boyfriend hears these rumors. I just don’t know what to do at this point.

  147. Jesus is my Strength says:

    This website is so on point its like i wrote it myself!

    my boyfriend of 4 years shows all of these signs (other than abusing kids and animals. he loves kids and animals… one of the reasons i fell in love with him) This is so sad for me because i know that he fits the “psychopath bill” to a tee, yet i find myself drawn to him. Its so heart breaking for me to think of leaving him for good but i know that he is an abuser. i feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me because he can treat me so horribly and yet i feel like i can never give him the boot for good. its like a horrible addiction! i know its killing me, emotionally, physically, psychologically and yet i keep going back.

    i feel like i have no support system and if i lose him i will be completely alone. my family has noticed the bruises and i make excuses.. they hear the fighting and i play it off as nothing… they see my self-esteem being non-existent but i just tell them im fine.

    i feel like this cycle will never end and im so scared to be in the same situation 10 years from now with him and feeling like i have thrown my life away for him.

  148. Anony-miss says:

    Thank you for your post. I left my ex-boyfriend in December 2012, and after leaving him for his violent, aggressive, possessive, and controlling behavior, your site has been such a supportive, motivational tool in keeping away from him and his manipulative tactics, to avoid giving in and to remind myself of what type of personality I apparently “loved”.

    I threw away four years of my life by being with him and catering to everything he needed and wanted, but I realize now, more than ever, how much happier, loved, and supported I am by those who I pushed away when I stayed with him. Family and friends will always be there for you, despite the efforts of our significant others. Believe me, ladies and gentlemen, it gets better.

    To those who don’t think they can break it off: YOU CAN! You say that you can’t and that you won’t be able to stand on your own two feet, but you will. Anything is better than enduring the crap we had to endure.

    My restraining order was finalized last week; I’m emotionally, physically, and psychologically free from the horrible man I was with. To all men and women, take pride in yourselves— you deserve more and will feel that certainty within days of being away from the fools we spent our time with.

  149. I dated a man for 3 months before realising he was a master manipulator and narcissist after looking through his phone one night. I knew he had mental issues, but like any other fool believed I could help him, that his good points outweighed his bad points. He turned me into a junkie, cheated on me with men and women, made me feel terrible about cheating on him with my ex, and then gave me a lifelong sexual disease out of ‘punishment’, as well as emotionally blackmailing me with threats of suicide. I must admit I was high on ice and MDMA most of the relationship, and I did use him for drugs, that’s why it took me so long to realise how sick he really was. I had suspected it in the last few weeks of our relationship as his moods became more extreme, and he became more spiteful. He then tried stalking me and harrassed me over the phone, threatened to kill me and my ex, and threatened to bash me up. He was a raving lunatic. I have gotten an intervention order against him now, and after he has had time to forget about me I intend to bring him down with the police. He is a danger to everyone and everything in his path. When I dumped him I told him to kill himself, and the next morning he faked his own death just to get back at me

  150. It seems that this person who wrote it lives inside my head. Sometimes I ruined my bf’s attitude for me by being sweet nice and tolerant. He takes me for granted and loses temper at the drop of a hat. I have to think the best way to say almost everything to him before i speak. It is sucking the life out of me. I want to get out of it but it does not seem i can as of now.

  151. random goth guy says:

    keep in mind that those classic movie villain types of people you see around and people who dress in dark colors, most of these people are either emos or goths
    alot of the signs listed there are symptoms of different mental illnesses yet i find it offensive that they’re all lumped together and given the label “crazy”
    as if you’re supposed to see one or two symptoms and head for the hills so i think this article should come with a statement about the signs are the most important ones and to keep in mind that if your partner has just one or two minor ones (for example your partner might be manipulative and up and down both of these are symptoms of depression and personality disorders) that dont make someone instantly crazy or dangerous

  152. All of this is true of my husband except he is very good to animals and people except immediate family. He always tells strangers how great I am and then at home it’s how great I’m not. He treats my parents dogs better than he treats my parents. He’ll go above and beyond fir strangers but can’t do simple for me. I chalk it up to selfishness, but I feel abused. I always have to explain where every penny goes but he gets hundreds of dollars he takes for himself and everything he gives me for bills he says he is just “giving away tome.”

  153. I am a victim of this webpage.I am from India I scored in most of the descriptions in this _only thing I am happy about is that one about life of party.
    1. His people and friends do not know me still criticizing me
    2. He asked for my email password he gave his. He underestimated my skills and he was emailing his ex.I lost my trust then. True that I have barred him from his women friends who he has had sex chats with, who wanted to go to his home to change clothes!! and who he imself tried to entice him but I had no issue with his male friends while the guy shouted at me because a male friend called me to invite me for marriage. He shouted. SO I left all friends because it is mutual- in a long distance relation I cannot prove it was my friend who was calling. It is mutual.
    3. We met in Oct 2010. He told his parents in first week itself. He had agreed to complete his MBA and then come talk to my parents as I knew my parents were adamant on graduation. If I wanted another guy why did I wait for him? I still have guys for long or short terms I do not flirt with them. But all the women are interested in my guy. He is not a flirt but may be they get a cue…i dont know.
    I am a victim of this web page where e generalised me to be a psycho and claims he is perfect. He made a fuss about me going for my cousin’s wedding. I assured him my ex wont be there. He Told ME HE DOES NOT LIKE MEN LOOKING AT ME but he goes for weddings
    4.When he drinks he abuses my parents because they have to agree for relationship while I wanted to be stable as he suffered a heart attack. Every day he made me cry and please tell me when you are beaten by words evven accusing you had relationship with your own father can you read or study? I lost 1 half years crying everynight. I stoppped talking to him for more than one week as in ur web page.BECAUSE I COULD NOT TAKE ABUSE. ALL THE TIME. He asks wat I did for him. He wants me to sleep at 12.30 I cant sleep with thoughts of uncertain rollercoaster relationship. I call him after days because I knew he loved me. But he accuses me of possessiveness while he has checked my mails my phone and messages and has questioned me many times. Isnt it fair to think its all mutual???? How is it psycho behaviour?
    He had a heart attack recently. Immediately after that his mother has been pressurising on marriage. I wanted him. I know he will be ok once we start living together. But can I run away? His parents are also not bothered of him. His mother takes leave and goes to the daughter while harassing him for not marrying. He is a heart patient. He is under so much stress. I am only daughter. I want to convince parents. They insist my career is secure before a relationship. I am crying daily for something to help me. I did not want to leave him but now with his accusing me of being psycho I have no choice. And I had told him clearly I do not want to have a child. He drew me into this and now calls me a eunuch for my decision. I had told and he had agreed. Now he wants to have a life. He is pushing me off in name of psycho. I have started hurting me because he is proving to me that he hates me.3 years I loved him and all I get is blame saying its because of me. That he haas not touched me in one year. Is this love? or a trick to push me aside? this website has given him enough reasons to level me.I knew tis relationship was impractical.Instead of turning him down I helped him in studies, but kept away during abuses.I would cut the phone and go when he shouts. everynight he blames me and goes.THis is one such night.Look at me I cannot do anything else but worry but today I am writing other days I will be crying.

  154. Question What can I do If I broke off with a psychopath after dating several months cause I figured out there was seriously something wrong with the way he was acting. Just recently he said some things about our bosses and the two of us had a meeting about it with our employers and in the meeting he sat there and denied everything that he said about them making me look like a fool. Also he did everything he could to control my life. Why I’m asking this is what can I do to ignore him and not let him bother me while I work the rest of my contract out because he’s trying to get under my skin and he’s also looking at me in a creepy way. Any hints on what I can do. Please help

  155. I am glad you got away from someone like that. This website helped me a lot to. I was with someone like this for 8 months and i will have to say it was the worse 8 months of my life. The mental abruse was horrible and i felt a weight off my back when I finally got rid of him. I went back to school and finishing my degree which I have been wanting to do for a long time. I have gotten to a point in my life were I can pick a person out that is like this and I dont even talk to them period. I am finally letting go of the hate that I had build up inside and moving on. I hope that everyone on this site finds someone that is good to them. I will say that it was a lesson learned but I would never do this again.

  156. I sorry u went thru this but my currrent baby father is this rite now 190% n my last is similar i mean my ex…. n yea these type of people do make u feel crazy …. like u are the fault n u caused it n it makes u crazy on top of this i have my own health problems n this doesn’t help at all with my issues just worst. I have depression n bipolar also ptsd but i had that since i was 9 yrs old when i went thru a trarmaniaic event that lasted intil my adulthood… I hate to say this but both my baby fathers is this n i don’t know how i lasted with one for nine yrs. We have a daughter. N the second one we have a son n he soooooo this. Especially ten times worse with alcohol. So unfortunaly i dealing with this now intil i get the strength i had enough n leaving for good. N better i am sooooo tired of feeling like i am the crazy n insane one. When deep down inside i am not.

  157. I have one more thing to say if is there are 2,000 something people talking about their present or past exs who happen to fit in the label physcopaths. Honestly gou got to think than damn how many nuts are there out there n why we pick n end up the ones going crazy. Is it that we are just as crazy fir seeing the signs n not stopping ourselfs before we got in too deep n it too late to change. Or are we really people who look at the outside n not the in. You know the physical. Are we vain n not interested n the longterm truth that we ended up picking looks n fell for the feelings later. I think the sooner we are honest with ourselves i believe the less these mistakes will happen. But unforuntaley we have to go thru all the ass holes, / physco paths too. To get to the right one n of course alot of heartbreaks along the way. Blah boooooooooo don’t u wish we have a magic wand or remote something to fast forward to the one that god made out to be for you. But lifes sucks on that point n it truly is a life leraning exerience we just have to experience.

  158. wow, I am mother of 4. one just moved out. he hates her, gets mad if I see her. needs to know where I am at all times. if I am late leaving work have to call from work num so he believes. I have never cheated on him, been with him for over 4 yrs. I hate him and love him. wish he would just go away nicely , that’s a joke. says I need to fix my head. lol rants and raves for an hour over son not feeding cat. ok say what you gotta say and shut up hes 9. now he is talking bout killing people because I saw my daughter yesterday. she gave me bag of stuff, so I say …. gave to me to look thru. by not saying outloud I saw her. wich was obvious. I deceive him. good god not sure how I can continue this , not sound financially, kids love him and the security he provides.???????

  159. I have the same situation right now. All the traits that mentioned above were fits to my bf. we’ve been living together for 2years and he was very abusive. At first month of a relationship, It was like a fairytale, aside from taking drugs before, he started seeing things and creating them to make a start of a fight. He owed me money because we sharing something like paying bills,rent and do some shops, but because of his attitude he lost his jobs, and start asking money from me. He owed me almost a thousand pounds for covering his expenses!! I did some research about compulsive behavior, manic depressions, schizophrenia and also bipolar disorder! I felt terrified that i lost my self-esteem and self respect, but every time he hit me, my love for him are gone and change it with hate. I’m still hoping that i will get my money back and get extra job so that i will leave him and start a new life. I have two children in my previous marriage but my ex-husband? Even how worst we fight or argue, he never laid his hands on me. Sometimes its too late to felt sorry, but i guess its a high time for me to move on. I need an extra job so i can use that as a deposit to rent for a place away from him and start for a new beginning. Coz i’m broke now, he took all my money. I have to go out in this relationship, please i need some advice. Thank you so much

  160. I have the same situation right now. All the traits that mentioned above were fits to my bf. we’ve been living together for 2years and he was very abusive. At first month of a relationship, It was like a fairytale, aside from taking drugs before, he started seeing things and creating them to make a start of a fight. He owed me money because we sharing something like paying bills,rent and do some shops, but because of his attitude he lost his jobs, and start asking money from me. He owed me almost a thousand pounds for covering his expenses!! I did some research about compulsive behavior, manic depressions, schizophrenia and also bipolar disorder! I felt terrified that i lost my self-esteem and self respect, but every time he hit me, my love for him are gone and change it with hate. I’m still hoping that i will get my money back and get extra job so that i will leave him and start a new life. I have two children in my previous marriage but my ex-husband? Even how worst we fight or argue, he never laid his hands on me. Sometimes its too late to felt sorry, but i guess its a high time for me to move on. I need an extra job so i can use that as a deposit to rent for a place away from him and start for a new beginning. Coz i’m broke now, he took all my money. I have to go out in this relationship, please i need some advice. Thank you so much

  161. Anonymous says:

    I dated a guy who has several of these traits for 2 years. The crazy thing is, I’m only a 17 year old in high school. I know I am still so young but he has made me feel so worthless and alone. I tried so hard to be perfect for him, but nothing was ever good enough. I finally got out of the relationship, but it has only been a week. I am receiving therapy right now, but the crazy thing is that I still miss him. A lot. I hate the fact that he is talking to other girls, which I know he is. All of these terrible thoughts run through my head about what he’s doing or saying to other girls and it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I just want him to change and be th guy he used to be, is that ever possible? It sucks because you’re miserable with them,but miserable without them also.

  162. I went out with a guy for several months who I now know was crazy. The scary part though is I thought I was the crazy one while I was with him! i would leave the room and come see him in another room 20 minutes later and would not even recognize him, its like he had changed his features or persona. You definitely get a sense of things never quite add up. This information on this page is dead on! He got really mad one time when I left his house, and even started accusing me of stealing money from him, and I am completely anti-stealing! I will never forget what mental pressure I dealt with while I was seeing this guy. I constantly felt the need to get away from him, and at the same time, when I was away from him I wanted to be with him, I think because he made sure he was the only one I had. Anyway the moral of the story is, yes, if youre with crazy, you start to feel crazy!!!

  163. Anonymous says:

    Hi, we i don’t know what I am doing here where everyone is complaining about psychopath as I myself is one. But I wouldn’t say I am an extreme one because I am true animal lover and I don’t believe in any kind of physical violence over anyone ( I am even very strongly against abortion). But you know I am not a psyco because I want to be it’s just who I am and how u was brought up. You see my mother is a what you call an extreme psychopath living in a dilusioned world. Firstly she married my rich father then broke up with him a year after my birth, though she never divorced him. After that while still bieng married to my father she started dating this other guy while being still dependent on my father. Then few years later she married another guy ( my current step father and he is very wealthy too) and basically destroyed his life. While all of this was going on my mother kept me on the borderline by dumping me to her parent ( my grand parent) while keeping custody of me as I am the sole inheirtor of my father’s weath and she also made sure to not have any second child with my stepdad so he too can make his sole inheirtor. Me while growing up with my grandparent have suffered a various degree of both mental and physical illness as my mother was very abusive while more than half of my mothers family are psychopaths too with the exceptional of my grandfather who tried to protect me but eventually died of old age and two of my aunties who became my pillars of support by helping me to be able keep at least keep halo of my sanity in check (btw I call them my mother). But when I was 8 my mother suddenly decided to move in to London with my stepfather claiming that it’s for the my future as my talent and intelligence will only be wasted other wise ( I have over 160 IQ ). Then after coming to London I become the a fulltime victim of her psychopath behaviour while my stepdad was out for work and was mentally tortured more then ever. Then when I could take it anymore I shut down completely. I started to stop caring about everything and anything and instead became like her. When she realised what she done she tried to bring me back to normal by blaming everything to my father and my stepfather, she kept saying that I can’t be like that, or that i am her only child while blabbering about how she carried me for nine month and brought me into this world .but nothing worked and my behaviour only got worser, then when she realise she realise that the damage was too deep she started threathing me with a knife, but I couldn’t careless so I completely which only made it worse by leading her to attempt suicide. Now when I think of it I was very cruel to her but I was only 10 years old then hence a effing child and could control my emotion. This kept going on for few years until I met my 2 best friends in secondary school. At first I was like every other psyco’s constantly hurting my friend but they still hung around constantly saying it’s ok. Then as the time passed on I realised that they too have pains/problems of their own. Little by little I learned to control my psychopathness at least in front of the rest of the world and also become some kind of support for my friends like they did for me, ( thought I was still named the sadist and was told of by load for always stating the blunt truth( I don’t like lying and I don’t like liars)crushing their hopeless dreams and shuts) anyhow then I one of my other normal friend from primary suddenly confess to me saying that he has love me for the last six years and want to go out with me. I became really confused about not knoeing what to do as firstly I didn’t love him and secondly I didn’t wanna hurt him ( to tell the truth I just didn’t want to be in relation eitha normal person asy psyco ness will only end up hurting them). As I didn’t know what to do I started to ignore him completely until he came ip to me and asked whether I liked him too or not and I in the het if the moment suddenly burst out that I am lesbian and was currently dating one of my bestfreind kiwi (I don’t want to mention her real name name). And before we know it kiwi and me seriously started date but the only problem was that she too was sadist like mwa and we started to clash constantly ( other then the time when we ganged up on my other bestfreind who is what you call a natural masochist) and after a year we broke up and we back to bieng best buddies as if our relation have never existed. But I through that I have learned something valuable which is that I will never be able to date someone normal as I will only end up hurting them and the most important of all that I will never be able to love someone a 100% and will only be able to be with some one who is as crazy as me or worser so that s/he will be able to love and hold on to me even when I don’t love them anymore. Lastly I know that I will never be able to not be a psychopath, it’s just runs in my blood and it make me who I am no matter how bad it appears to be to others. I know will never change this is how my brain, my mind is structured. And you know in one sense I am happy that I have a ruthless behaviour. It helped me to be successful at my career while stamping down on any of my competitor ruthelessly even before they became a competiton and most of it help me and shielded me from getting hurt again. It take more than the heat of the brightest star to melt my iced heart. But you after so many years of wonder I never really understood my mother intention especially as she was the most richest from both of my dads, guess it was never all about the money. Btw people if you don’t like psychopaths and suddenly find out that your partner is then break up immediately because you never know what they will do as psychopaths doesn’t give a shit about others life. And the first sign for detecting a psychopath is constant mood swings and split personality or so said by my hournable friend as they are have firsthand experiences with a psychopath themselves, funny that I have studied human psychology and never learned any thing about what they are talking about.;)

  164. Anonymous says:

    I have been with a woman like this for over 3 years. She is definitely a Jeckyll and Hyde and fits too many of these things but either it is denial of the situation or it is something deeper. I don’t want to leave her and I honestly love her. I’m possibly just too forgiving for the childish, selfish acts. The violent behavior is the only thing that worries me to the levels of considering leaving. It is a constant battle of keeping my love, respect, and self-esteem for myself up at the same time keeping hers boosted and/or in check. I grew a thicker skin and I learned to be the punching bag. No matter what was bothering her, she always takes it out on me. I probably could keep doing this but as it gets further into the relationship I am starting to worry about her behavior as it might be towards future children. We are in an age of throw-away relationships, so I stand firmly that even if she is broken, I refuse to throw her away. Right or wrong, we all have to live our own lives. I understand the pain all of you feel, but you have to make your own way. Sorry for the ramble. “We” had a rough morning and I happened upon this site.

  165. Hi…my dear friends, do NOT stay with a person like that, I did for almost 5 years because I could not get out of it. One word I got to say is “RUN” if you have a chance. Be wise and be careful. <3

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