Types of Abusers: "Mr. (Always) Right"
- Considers himself to be the ultimate authority on everything.
- Always speaks with absolute certainty
- Brushes your thoughts or opinions aside, finding little to no value in what you have to say
- Sees things as if he is the teacher and you are the student. His goal is to empty your mind and to fill it with his brilliance.
- Is often condescending when talking with you
When dating a Mr. Right, you feel stupid and like you can’t say anything right. You wish you could explain what you are thinking, but nothing ever comes out right when you try to explain it to him. You feel confused, unsure of what to think, or unable to make a decision. You feel like he twists around everything that you say, takes it completely out of context, or makes it sound absurd. You feel like you are never really heard, and never taken seriously.
- Takes on the Voice of Truth as a way of controlling conversations, something abuse counselors call ‘defining reality,’ making what he has to say sound like the only correct answer or outlook.
- Makes partner doubt their own mental abilities, opinions or intuitions, leaving them feeling like they are dumb or stupid. This way, he can control you better.
- Takes on the position of the expert even in regards to your life, how you should live it, and what you should do or believe. This includes who you should be friends with, what you should wear, how you should spend your time, how long you should spend studying, what kind of relationship to have with your parents…etc.
- Is especially knowledgeable of your faults and is constantly telling you what you are doing wrong or what you need to do in order to ‘be a better person/girlfriend,’ as if tearing you down is the only way to make you better.
- May humiliate you–especially in front of other people–in oder to establish his dominance, intellectual superiority, and to prove that what you think or the way that you are, is flawed and wrong.
When you refuse to give in to Mr. Right’s opinions or suggestions, he is quick to resort to insults, name calling, or imitating you as way of mocking what you think or believe. His actions will escalate until he feels that he has brought you down as low as possible. For example, he might ruin dinner plans you have prepared, leave a party without you, spread nasty rumors about you to other people or talk badly about you behind your back. He might abuse you sexually, even when you tell him NO, because he believes that you really want to have sex and he can’t take you seriously. He might convince you that he has talked to all of your friends, and that no one really likes you and they all think that you are stupid but that they talk to you only because they feel bad for you. He may even escalate to the point of throwing things, pushing or hitting you, or threatening you.