“Sometimes things are bad, but are they really bad enough that I should break up with him? Maybe things will get better. Or maybe if I break up with him, then I will regret it and he will never take me back. I don’t know why I feel sad all the time, but I wish that things would just be fun again. I don’t know what to do.”
Every relationship has ups and downs, but it can be hard sometimes to figure out whether or not you should break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Breaking up is hard. Think about how many songs people have written about a broken heart? Relationships become routine; it’s hard to imagine life without talking to your boyfriend every day. The love you feel can be strong; but sometimes the people who we love let us down. Most of the time things are not black and white. There’s no clear answer as to what we should do; or we know deep down what the answer is, but it’s not one we are ready to see yet or to accept.
Reasons To Break Up:
•Your boyfriend hits you or hurts you physically in any way.
•Your boyfriend makes you feel stupid, fat, ugly or unworthy of anything
•He has cheated on you.
•He lies to you.
•You don’t love him anymore.
•You love him, but he hurts you.
•He makes you feel like you are crazy.
•He threatens to hurt you.
•He controls who you hang out with, what you wear, or what you are allowed to do.
•He has a violent temper and can blow at any moment.
•He makes fun of you in front of other people, embarrasses you or talks badly about you behind your back.
•He forces you, or pressures you to have sex with him or to do things you don’t want to do.
•He is never there when you need him.
•You can’t talk to him about how you are feeling of what you are thinking.
•He calls you a bitch, or a slut, or a whore, or any other derogatory name.
•He doesn’t have the same morals and values as you do.
•He doesn’t have the same interests.
•You don’t have fun with him anymore.
•You want to try dating other people.
•It’s just not right for you.
•He’s a great guy, but you just don’t feel a connection anymore.
•You don’t have feelings for him anymore, or your feelings have changed.
Are You Staying With Him Because:
• He makes you feel confident, empowered and appreciated……..
OR BECAUSE you feel like you don’t deserve to want someone better than him.
• You love and trust him, and he feels the same way about you……..
OR BECAUSE you are afraid that if you break up with him he will start dating someone else just to make you jealous.
• He protects you and is always there for you if you need anything……..
OR BECAUSE you are afraid of what he might do to you if you leave him.
• Can talk to him about anything and you know he will listen……..
OR BECAUSE you don’t have any idea how to tell him that you don’t want to be with him anymore and you are scared to try.
• You can’t imagine being with anyone else……..
OR BECAUSE you are afraid that no one will ever love you as much as he loves you.
• He lets you have your own life and lots of friends, independent of him……..
OR BECAUSE He’s the only person you have, and you are afraid that without him you will be all alone.
•He inspires you to be a better person and to trust yourself to chase after your dreams……..
OR BECAUSE Everyone in his life lets him down, and you feel bad adding yourself to that list.
• Things aren’t perfect, but you feel safe and valued even when you disagree……..
OR BECAUSE You feel obligated to stay with him, and you are just trying to wait out this bad time until things are better again.
•You have fun with him. He makes you laugh and feel happy……..
OR BECAUSE If you break up with him he will punish you. He might kill you, or try to kill himself.
•You have a right to end a relationship at any time, for any reason. I had a friend who broke up with a boy because he didn’t like Taylor Swift! For her, that was a deal breaker. It’s hard to tell someone that you don’t want to date them anymore, but if it’s not working for you then don’t stay just because you don’t know how to leave.
•If someone hurts you, don’t make excuses for them. It’s really, really hard to be let down by the person you love, and sometimes it seems easier to ignore the pain or to brush it off. Admitting that someone has hurt you does not make you weak, it makes you strong enough to acknowledge it; and staying with someone who hurts you is not brave and it can put your life in danger.
•There are many different forms of abuse. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t hit you, an abuser can still do serious mental and emotional damage to you if you stay with him.
•The right person for you is out there somewhere, and you won’t have to hold your breath when you are with him, or try to be better so that he doesn’t hurt you, or try to fix what is wrong with him….he will love you just the way you are and he will build you up instead of tear you down. Hold out for him.
•If things were meant to work out, breaking up won’t stop that. People break up all the time and get back together….so if you are not ready to break up for good, just give yourself a few weeks to get some distance from the relationship and see how you feel….then decide what you want to do. Someone who really loves you in a healthy way will give you time and space when you need it. They won’t force you to stay with them, or punish you for needing to figure things out.
•You are a beautiful, brave, smart and amazing person! The person you end up with is LUCKY to be dating someone as amazing as you. Even if it feels like you have no other options, there are lots of other people out there and lots of people who will love you just the way you are.