Should I Break Up With Him?

“Sometimes things are bad, but are they really bad enough that I should break up with him? Maybe things will get better. Or maybe if I break up with him, then I will regret it and he will never take me back. I don’t know why I feel sad all the time, but I wish that things would just be fun again. I don’t know what to do.”

Should I break up with him?

Every relationship has ups and downs, but it can be hard sometimes to figure out whether or not you should break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Breaking up is hard. Think about how many songs people have written about a broken heart? Relationships become routine; it’s hard to imagine life without talking to your boyfriend every day. The love you feel can be strong; but sometimes the people who we love let us down. Most of the time things are not black and white. There’s no clear answer as to what we should do; or we know deep down what the answer is, but it’s not one we are ready to see yet or to accept.


Reasons To Break Up:

•Your boyfriend hits you or hurts you physically in any way.

•Your boyfriend makes you feel stupid, fat, ugly or unworthy of anything

•He has cheated on you.

•He lies to you.

•You don’t love him anymore.

•You love him, but he hurts you.

•He makes you feel like you are crazy.

•He threatens to hurt you.

•He controls who you hang out with, what you wear, or what you are allowed to do.

•He has a violent temper and can blow at any moment.

•He makes fun of you in front of other people, embarrasses you or talks badly about you behind your back.

•He forces you, or pressures you to have sex with him or to do things you don’t want to do.

•He is never there when you need him.

•You can’t talk to him about how you are feeling of what you are thinking.

•He calls you a bitch, or a slut, or a whore, or any other derogatory name.

•He doesn’t have the same morals and values as you do.

•He doesn’t have the same interests.

•You don’t have fun with him anymore.

•You want to try dating other people.

•It’s just not right for you.

•He’s a great guy, but you just don’t feel a connection anymore.

•You don’t have feelings for him anymore, or your feelings have changed.


Are You Staying With Him Because:

• He makes you feel confident, empowered and appreciated……..

OR BECAUSE  you feel like you don’t deserve to want someone better than him.

• You love and trust him, and he feels the same way about you……..

OR BECAUSE  you are afraid that if you break up with him he will start dating someone else just to make you jealous.

• He protects you and is always there for you if you need anything……..

OR BECAUSE  you are afraid of what he might do to you if you leave him.

• Can talk to him about anything and you know he will listen……..

OR BECAUSE  you don’t have any idea how to tell him that you don’t want to be with him anymore and you are scared to try.

• You can’t imagine being with anyone else……..

OR BECAUSE  you are afraid that no one will ever love you as much as he loves you.

• He lets you have your own life and lots of friends, independent of him……..

OR BECAUSE  He’s the only person you have, and you are afraid that without him you will be all alone.

•He inspires you to be a better person and to trust yourself to chase after your dreams……..

OR BECAUSE  Everyone in his life lets him down, and you feel bad adding yourself to that list.

• Things aren’t perfect, but you feel safe and valued even when you disagree……..

OR BECAUSE You feel obligated to stay with him, and you are just trying to wait out this bad time until things are better again.

•You have fun with him. He makes you laugh and feel happy……..

OR BECAUSE If you break up with him he will punish you. He might kill you, or try to kill himself.


Remember:

•You have a right to end a relationship at any time, for any reason. I had a friend who broke up with a boy because he didn’t like Taylor Swift! For her, that was a deal breaker. It’s hard to tell someone that you don’t want to date them anymore, but if it’s not working for you then don’t stay just because you don’t know how to leave.

•If someone hurts you, don’t make excuses for them. It’s really, really hard to be let down by the person you love, and sometimes it seems easier to ignore the pain or to brush it off. Admitting that someone has hurt you does not make you weak, it makes you strong enough to acknowledge it; and staying with someone who hurts you is not brave and it can put your life in danger.

•There are many different forms of abuse. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t hit you, an abuser can still do serious mental and emotional damage to you if you stay with him.

•The right person for you is out there somewhere, and you won’t have to hold your breath when you are with him, or try to be better so that he doesn’t hurt you, or try to fix what is wrong with him….he will love you just the way you are and he will build you up instead of tear you down. Hold out for him.

•If things were meant to work out, breaking up won’t stop that. People break up all the time and get back together….so if you are not ready to break up for good, just give yourself a few weeks to get some distance from the relationship and see how you feel….then decide what you want to do. Someone who really loves you in a healthy way will give you time and space when you need it. They won’t force you to stay with them, or punish you for needing to figure things out.

•You are a beautiful, brave, smart and amazing person! The person you end up with is LUCKY to be dating someone as amazing as you. Even if it feels like you have no other options, there are lots of other people out there and lots of people who will love you just the way you are.

51 Comments

  1. I LOVE what you posted here. Great tips and should definitely be taken to heart by all women.

    Reply
    • Tonight my boyfriend of ,almost THREE years,tried TO Choke me out In public..I love him,but I think I should leave him.As bad as it may hurt

      Reply
    • Love dont hurt !!

      Reply
  2. I still cant do it.
    I love him,he doesnt hurt me,but hes overprotected and wont let me hang out with my friends and calls me a whore,slut,bitch ect.but then he apologizes..
    and when its just me and him hes the sweetest person ever.
    Im just going to wait it out,everyone has rough patches,but they tend to pass.

    Reply
    • Hi if men call you names like slut whore bitch it means two things they dont respect you and they are cheating behind your back especially if they also accuse you of going with other men check their emails textes clothes etc and even follow them on the sly

      Reply
      • How can u leave or follow if u have a toddler

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        • That’s what I wanna know also I have a child with him and my son is the only thing that keeps me around. Somedays he the best and the sweetest but other days I have to walk in egg shells or he turn into a psycho and hurts my feelings.

          Reply
    • Don’t do it. I’m am in your exact situation and I just realized it will never change. I’ve been with my ex for 3 years thinking that it will pass. But it never does. He’s the sweetest thing ever at times but then he calls me stupid, dumb, slut, and bitches. I used to think it was my fault and i changed for him and tried to do everything he asked and be the person he wanted me to be to make him happy. It wasn’t enough, for no reason reason he puts me down when i ask a question calls me dumb when I’m slow at certain things. He calls me a piece of shit. Then he always apologizes afterwards and buys expensive gifts and takes me out and tell me he loves me and when everything is perfect , He hurts me again, threaten me again and treat me like shit. The cycle starts to get old after a while. I know it’ll be hard but you can break free from him. Somebody is out there for you.

      Reply
      • i had a best friend all throughout high school, I wasn’t aware that he liked me until it was too late and I was with someone else. When I found this out it had so many mixed emotions after he told me how he felt. He kept going after me and trying to sweep me off my feet whenever me and original boyfriend were bad or not together, he was so sweet and loving. I thought he was so genuine and that I could trust him no matter what. Eventually it didn’t work out with my ex boyfriend and my best friend and I somehow began dating after awhile, he started doing cocaine and drinking and cheated on me multiple times. He began to be violent with me and constantly verbally abusing me. He would lie to me all the time..and we split after awhile and saw different people for about a month and then we realized we really wanted each other. I wasn’t allowed to wear make up or he else he would threaten to break up with me and call me ugly and that I’m a slut for wearing make up. I couldn’t hang out with my friends and guy friends especially. He began to hack my accounts and the fights became more and more constant and him trying to leave me to hurt me on purpose. He made me delete all my social media and controlled every aspect of my life. I went along with it because I thought he just cared and I really wanted him to be the one for me. I tried so hard, when he got kicked out of his parents, I took him in and let him shower and sleep at my house, borrow my car, pay for everything and bought him all these luxury gifts to make him happy. He started hitting me and choking me and cussed out my father. The bruises on me were everywhere and huge, I had to hide it. Im suffering with depression and severe anxiety and being with him I began to get worse and worse. He made me feel worthless and miserable, like I couldn’t be loved and I didn’t deserve to be loved at all. He made me feel alone to the point I became so dependent off him. He started humiliating me in front of his friends. This last few days all he’s been doing is verbally and emotionally abusing me to the point I almost had to go to the hospital because of how suicidal he made me feel and I couldn’t control my anxiety. He told me to kill myself and called me a slut and bitch and I don’t deserve him and how he’s already sleeping with another girl, I had to end it immediately. I tried so hard for him to be enough and take care of him..I just wanted to get my story out there, I’m hoping for a brighter future because right now I feel so dead inside

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      • yes,some 1 is out here for you,and his name es dios.
        #diosprayer GOD and prayer,until you’re able to b wit some 1 who truly adore love u.
        Clearly,a multitude of ladies here are being abused,but yet staying…come on now. Do you NOT hear him say BITCH,to Whore Slut. That equate to a abusive paridgm,that shall only get worse,period.Sure,one time you might say.”oh i m goin to 4give him since he said it only 1x.”i will accept the”1x” apology,etc. he promise not to say it again…HOWEVER,most times he will repeat it,once again,then what.
        Just leave.
        Life is way too short,to settle…#NEVERSETTLE4LESS

        if he is calling you a bitch,whore slut et.al, it is because either 2 things…
        1.)He is extreme-insecure,low self esteem,can’t admit he do not know how to “maturely talk to the one he suppose to love,so he lash out the “street hood way to make you feel as LOW as “at that very moment he is …”
        or
        2.)He is a cheater a male whore,whose cheating on u. “frustrated”now that he has to think of”new ways to LIE to u,while keepin up this cheater charade,in hopes you “do not put things together,if u r “2 angry”at him 4 calling u such a filthy name like that.

        #NOTICETheRedFlags
        Feel/Hear/See/know the signs.
        LEAVE SOONER THAN LATER.

        good luck to you all.i am a latino hispanic mature male saying this
        to u all. born in eighties,i can b reach over at FB anytime.

        CHINO PAPI REY AMOR… i think “diff from me,premise on i was brought up with 2 parent-household,mature for my twenties,and proud of it.

        RIP to all the woman who did not have a “chance…”to just walk away.
        But,you’re still able,real talk,if… you do NOT SETTLE. l0ve urself enuff 2 say,adios.. to say i’m out.. to say,”i m so much better than this.Trust me as a good looking hard working mature puerto ricano i know “men”hate this.THEY WILL TRUST ME REGRET losing,”the 1 who got away”based on their own stupid immature “abusive”actions…#LEAVE #DONTSTAY
        then later,”if he get counseling,even thru the biblia, y’ or therapist,or “mature”etc. if it is meant 2 b, then it will be.
        —-
        If not,at least you’re now “Free”to be alone and happy with GOD and your work,or career,and prayer,and HEALTHY alive without stress from a guy whose clearly NOT..meant for some 1 like u… he will regret it… remember that. HIS LOSS not urs.

        adios.
        1

        Reply
      • I’m in the same situation and I don’t know what to do tonight my baby’s dad hit me pushed me called me names and then broke his cell phone that I waisted money on so that he can have a phone and left then came back trying to hug me and say sorry I just can’t take it anymore all my neighbors think I’m stupid for being with him and they all hate him he has even hit me when I was pregnant I hate him so much but for some reason I can’t seem to let go as bad as I want to what do I do. How can I forget about him every time I look into my daughters eyes I see him

        Reply
  3. after a night like tonight with my fiance, whom ive been with 4 years , it think i needed to read this. with a busted lip, slightly bruised eye, and lumps on my forehead, i almost considered forgiving him.. again. i know its the wrong choice and i almost got out but then he followed me to the gas station and as i was filling up he pulled up 2 minutes later. i immediately regretted going to a near by station (stupid idea). I have long 13 hour drive to my home town and it was after midnight. my driverside window is broken and everytime id try to start the car and pull off, he’d reach in and stop me from turning on the truck, and would threaten to break the clutch if i did not go home. not to mention i had a sleeping 2 year old in the back seat. eventually i came back, and even began to consider how rough things have been going for him and as i said, in my head i was going toforgive and forget. but f that. and he sleeping right now.

    Reply
    • Leave his a$$! U dont deserve that & get ur bby out of that f-ed up life style, let him go to work or where ever but while he is gone pack a small bag and get the hell away from him! If not to better ur own life ,do it for ur bby!!!!!

      Reply
  4. I’m married too mine he makes me feel ugly fat gross everything in between I can’t leave him we have two kids together and I want my kids to have there father I went from
    Being the most confident person I know to not wanting to look in the mirror
    I’ve told him this and he says it’s all in my head
    it’s killing me slowly inside and he stop me from going out have a Job haven a life out side of him really
    some days I just don’t want too get out of bed but I know I have too be there for my kids I guess it’s a part of like

    Reply
    • much harder with marriage and kids. Make yourself the best you can be by eating right and getting in shape. If you love yourself it is much harder for another person to make you feel bad. If you still feel bad after learning to love yourself and your accomplishments then maybe he is the culprit. Keep a journal for sure. Reflection on the past is a good way to see into the future. If he continues to be horrible to you chances are that he wont change too much.

      but if you feel happy with yourself maybe you will see that he isnt trying to make you feel bad

      Reply
  5. I don’t know whether or not to break up with my boyfriend… He and I have been dating on and off for five years, and as much as I love him I’m miserable.

    He has left me multiple times for girls that he thought he had a “thing” for, only to come crying back and tell me that I’m really the only one for him and he was just confused.

    But he’s not the only bad guy… Earlier this year, he and I were fighting and we broke up and I got involved with his best friend. I guess that makes me a bitch too.

    Our sex life is wonderful and he can be great, but I feel like he ignores me and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. But because of what happened with his friend and I, he’s the only person I have right now. Do I really risk being all alone? :/

    Help?

    Reply
    • hard to leave a good sex life. Really evaluate if you are miserable or not. if you are leave. If you arent stay.

      Reply
  6. i tried to breakup with him many times but i just couldnt go through with it .
    he cheated on me twice , i saw many msgs on his facebook him begging fat and ugly girls for ugly pictures when i confronted him about it he flipped said was my found called me whore bitch that i broke his heart when he broke mine blabla . i tried to breakup with him back then but he said was gonna kill himself or kill me . he promise he would never msg any of those girls untill now never saw him asking or talking to nay girls . but hes constantly treating me like shit always yelling flipping on me for no reason always blaming me but sometimes hes just soo sweet . hes always buying me presents that i dont want so when i tried to breakup with him he says gonna take it back say wanna come to my house come get it , but actually he just wanna come here fight yell . hes always promising hes gonna change but he never does .hs crazy jealous someone looks at me or msg me on fb he wants to kill the person , if we dont hangout cus hes tired and wanna stay home sleep if i go out he will flipp make big deal . if i dont wanna go out with him cus im tired he says i dont love him anymore . imm tired i love him but i just wanna be far away from him but its soo hard </3 i just dont know how to break up with anddont want to put restraining order on him and ruin his future …

    Reply
    • TIME to leave!! any mention of suicide or homicide is a big red flag. LADIES!! there are good normal guys out there in the world who would never mention killing themselves if they lost you… those are who we need to find

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  7. well me and my bf have been going out for 1 year . i feel happy with him but then again i feel sad. he is soo jelouse about everything. he tells me not to hangout with my girls but then he be hanging out with his boys everyday.. like he just wants me to avoid everyone. he gets mad for everything.. he gets mad if i wanna do sum nice to my self to make me feel better. he always expects me to be home everyday andjust do that. like i love him but i feel like im getting treated unfair. he always assumes im with other guys. its tough when i go to school cuz right away he starts saying “i bet your with guys watch ima be on the same tip” always accusing me of everything. and thing is i dont talk to guys at school and i dont even hang with guys.. i feel like ima blow up i feel like hes so insecure about him self. and oh he be always bringing up my ex boyfriend. i feel so fucken frustrated but then again im still with him cuz i love him.. but its just too much :( i just sit there and think about everything me and him have as a memory.. :(

    Reply
    • is he with other girls?
      the accusations come out subconciously when guys are cheating… or if a girl cheats. It goes both ways

      Reply
    • Ummm same

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  8. i love my boyfriend so much, i wanna marry him. but things aren’t really good with our relationship. he has anger issues and i understand that. but every bit of hurt, complaints, experiences and realizations i had, i found in this article. i want him to read this hoping he would realize what he’s been doing to me. i’m honest with my feelings with him and whenever he does or says something that hurts me, i let him know. but i can’t seem to see any improvements on his part. is it safe to let him read this? or will it only start another argument? and i’m actually scared of making him see his mistakes again cause he has this attitude that he’ll then push me away into breaking up with him or go find another guy and more stuff like that.and i dont like that feeling he makes me feel when he doesn’t even seem to care much if i would actually break up with him. it feels like it’s still a loss more on my part. i’ve forgiven him many times, but i just don’t want it to stay like this forever.

    Reply
    • give him 1 year of your life, if you are older then 30 give him only 6 months. If his anger is still a problem time to leave.

      I gave away 5 years once. please dont do that. it will waste your time, energy, your youth and your money.

      If he is a good guy you will definitely know that he is a keeper within the first 6 months

      Reply
  9. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 and half years he is a sweet guy and does show his love to me all the time but there is one problem when I talk to him about marriage he changes the subject I don’t understand I tell him I only want him in my life and future he says me to bit he said I don’t know about the future.. Also he says my feelings are stronger then his I’m do sick of sitting down and thinking about this it’s stresses me out keep thinking wondering would this guy would make me his wife one day..btw we are only 20 when we argue he says his ex name to me because he knows I get very angry and sometimes kick me :( calls me names and also be size of him I hate my physical appearance be sugar he wants big boobs and ass which I don’t have.i cook clean and been next to him when ever he needs me and I’ve always did his told I love this guy and it hurts me a lot sometimes he throws my clothes away on the floor and throws me out in his place then says sorry and puts my things back.. I don’t know what to do.. Our sex life has gone down we sometimes do it once a week or never.. It upsets me so much I want to feel beautiful and sexually attractive bit this guy has taken everything away from me :( and the main issue also is when I text or call he ignores and calls me whenever he wants when I need him his not there.. Please help how can I fix things

    Reply
    • Guys need to feel that they are always chasing you. Back away from him a bit and let him feel like he is the one who needs get you.

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  10. we had a relationship of 5 yrs, but in this 5 yrs he has abused me so much even though i dnt deserve all that, then he started lying and had all kind of porn images in his cell, i told him i m hurt by all that be dnt pay any attention to me, he has slept with 3-4 sluts and he says its ok with him, i got fed up and left him, he says i m selfish that i dnt agree with him to let him sleep with other girls…i m so hurt..he called me whore, slut. ugly. motherfucker and all those crab things, i was so dedicated in relation, he used to control my each and every second but then too i got cheated.

    Reply
    • LEAVE THAT ONE!

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  11. I don’t know if I wanna break up with him! But like I don’t feel love from him. It.feels like I’m that one who is trying and.he’s not! Before he was cute but then he started calling m whore bitch slut stupid ect… and I don’t like it but he says he’s just playing around but it hurts m and I told him but he keeps doing it… and he always do things that hurt m or I don’t like! We have been dating for 5 months and 23 days and we have never hang out we just go to his house which is fun but I want to go to the movies or something you know! I tell him but he doesn’t want to! Like in my birthday he didn’t gave m anything either on Valentine’s but I did gave him something. Like I’m soooo romantic but he’s not. And he’s always so immature too which it pisses m off! And I have to go see him, because he doesn’t wanna come see m soo if I don’t go we don’t see each other! Sometimes he’s saying to date someone else because he doesn’t deserve m but I love him!:( even though he hurts m a lot. The problem is I can break up with him because I’ll regret it ( that’s what I think). what should I do??? Please help:(

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  12. I don’t know if I wanna break up with him! I’m that one who is trying and.he’s not! Before he was cute but then he started calling m whore bitch slut stupid ect…and I don’t like it but he says he’s just playing around but it hurts m and I told him but he keeps doing it… and he always do things that hurt m or I don’t like! We have been dating for 5 months and 23 days and we have never hang out we just go to his house which is fun but I want to go to the movies or something you know! I tell him but he doesn’t want to! Like in my birthday he didn’t gave m anything either on Valentine’s but I did gave him something. Like I’m soooo romantic but he’s not. And he’s always so immature too which it pisses m off! And I have to go see him, because he doesn’t wanna come see m soo if I don’t go we don’t see each other! Sometimes he’s saying to date someone else because he doesn’t deserve m but I love him!:( even though he hurts m a lot. The problem is I can break up with him because I’ll regret it.what should I do??? Please help:(

    Reply
  13. My boyfriend and I have been together four years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve also had abusive ups and downs from BOTH ends. Is this a repairable situation? He drinks every night but is never mean when drunk. He’s sweet to me and always tries to include me and visit me. But, we’ve cheated on each other before. So it’s equal abuse. I know I have a problem. And he has problems, too. What do I do? Because we are both pretty equal but we love each other.

    Reply
  14. Hi
    I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 26,we’ve been dating for 4years now and nothing changed on my side,even I always find clothes,earing and watches at his apartment and I find them at places where u can even see he tried hard to hide.early this year we had an argument,he forced me to answer a call from a friend whom I promised we’ll go out n I was afraid to dissapoint her that’s why I decided not to answer.He confronted me of cheating,he beat me wit a firm beld,squeezed my neck through me on the walls n lastely I found myself seeing things twice then I woke up in hospital,he refused to tell me I collapsed thinking I can’t remember what he did to me,I reminded him evrythn and he apologised wit his tears running down his face.We always fight and sometimes comes at school unannouced.I’m afraid to tell my parents because they will hate him and tell me to live him whereas I love him with all my heart…what can I do to change him cuz I always tell him how I feel and now I’ve quited cuz I’m tired of hearing the same story everyday”SORRY”word.

    Reply
  15. I have been on and off with my dude for almost 6 years and I need to walk away. I know I’m my heart now is the time. He has cheated on me with hookers over 10 times actually having side relationships with these horrible women and thinking nothing is wrong with it, as far as trying to make me be friend his hooker. He goes hard in love with his new interest and hurting me while I wait around on side and I grow more distant. He still wants full control over me despite his infidelity. Going through my stuff while I sleep and knowing my pass words to email ect. He tells me he never wants us to split and he loves me but he has broken me down so low in the past years. I once was so beautiful and healthy and fit and energetic now im over weight snd depressed and sad all the time. He makes fun of my weight calling me chubba licious and makes fat jokes in every other sentence snd gets mad if I don’t laugh at them. Behind my back I hear how bad he speaks of me and how I’m not what he wants. Even though I had his child psid all the bills and have him a roof over his head snd love for six years. He is in jail now for not paying child support for his previous two children and it’s been the first time I had to sit snd look at my life and what a mess it’s become. I need to walk away and take my life back. I’m sick of crazy hookers calling or texting me talking smack because they want to be his only one or they want to hurt me. He doesn’t even respect me enough to stop that crap. My child doesn’t want to see his dad sny more just me because he says his dad is mean and has girlfriends or that he doesn’t care. Not to mention he is violent if you ever go against his wishes or ideas. In march he woke me up punching me in the eye and I bled all night not aloud to get medical attention. The next dsy I got away snd got 12 stitches in a very deep gash resulting in my left eye to point down now actually chsnged my appearance snd at work I had a black eye for a month. He never took responsibily for it he told my family some guy mugged me when I was at a casino loosing money. Too bad I don’t even go to casinos. My mom believed him and was mad at me not even realizing he manipulated the situation. I never pressed charges because he scared me so bad and he deleted all my photos taken of the incident. There has been more attacks in the past and he’s robbed me snd I’ve never reported it . I always feel bad in the end like it’s all my fault. I know this is toxic and bad and could end much worse unless I leave. I need some words of encouragement to help me. I lost all my friends and family in this relationship. God and my child are my only people.

    Reply
    • Kristin, your post breaks my heart. I was in a 10-year relationship with someone who treated me like your baby daddy is treating you. While he is in jail, RUN! Run for your life. Please look into resources for women who are trapped by domestic violence (DV). Get on the Internet and look around your area. There are resources available in nearly all communities. Please, please listen to me. Your man does not love you. He only wants to control you. He believes that he is entitled to your mind, your body and your money. And I hate to say this, but someday he may try to KILL you. My ex tried to kill me several times by choking me to near unconciousness, took a knife to me and over the course of several years raped me repeatedly. I kept thinking that things would get better because we would have periods of peace and happiness, but they never lasted very long. DV is a progressive illness–much like addiction–and over time the beatings and abuse will be closer and closer together, always escalating until one day it could happen. You MUST get out of this situation while he is locked up. I know it is so hard, but please do this. Get help to hide from him and do your best to find support to never go back. I do know how hard it is, and you can do this. I have been away from my ex for almost two years and I am only now beginning to realize how close I came to being murdered. Even now he has tried to stalk me and I got a 5-year protection order so that I could join the address confidentiality program where I live so that he cannot find me. PLEASE, do not wait another day like I did. You are giving up the best years of your life for someone who will likely NEVER change. Read a book called “Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Abusers” by Lundy Bancroft. Mr Bancroft has worked with abusers for more than 20 years and he has observed that less than 25% of abusive people can actually change. The majority of them cannot because they are narcissistic entitled persons who only see the world through the lens of control. I too lost all of my friends and family due to my relationship and only now am I beginning to build a circle of them again. If you can find a DV support agency, they will help you. Here are some great websites to just help you look for help:
      http://www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList.php
      http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html
      http://nomore.org/
      OR call this number and they can help you find someone near you:
      1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
      Please take care of yourself and know that you are not alone. I am praying for you and wish you peace.

      Reply
    • Omg girl,,No matter what you done who you are or what you’ve been through you still too good to put up with that

      Reply
  16. I’m 20 years old and my bf is quite a bit older than me…we have been together for 5 years and not once have I ever been intrested in someone else…but recently things have felt different like it is not how it used too be. Nobody really knows that we are going out so I am always getting asked out by guys but I always reject them…but the other week my friend who recently broke up with his girl friend started flirting with me and I liked it because it made me feel really…I don’t know…nice? Special?? so I flirted back not thinking anything of it but I made sure that he knew I had a bf. After I told him I had a bf he got upset and after we debated he said we shouldn’t speak until he stops fancying me or I become single…he broke first and texted me a week later and we just texted like friends until…well you’ll find out in a min…anyway last week my bf blew up at me after I got us up late for work (we work together…well I’m his apprentice) and had a go at me until we got to work when he apologised…but he said so really hurtful things which have been playing in my mind ever since…anyway I went out with my friends which included the guy (karl) who flirted with me….and it started off fine and then karl kissed me but it was different from any other time I have ever been kissed…it was so gentle and caring…anyway we basically kissed our way though the film and that night I was joy filled and so happy it was unbelievable… I ended up at his at the weekend to try and established how I felt because the next day I felt so confused…oh I didn’t sleep with him but I felt comfortable and happy around him and when I got home there felt like part of me was missing…I love my bf but I feel unhappy with him now and I feel like if I just let karl go I will regret it…but I can’t bring myself to break up with him…he has been hurt by most of his ex’s and he is a realllllly nice guy but I think asking to keep my appreciateship would be cheeky so there are a lot of factors for me….but karl….like in george ezras budapest… ‘Oh for you I’d lose it all’ is how I feel about karl…I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do….it feels like a battle between my head and my heart but my heart is winning and because I’m not doing anything about it I’m distressed…can anyone help me? Any advice girls???

    Reply
  17. Hi,
    Ok so I have a huge conflict. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months, and everything was perfect until about 4 months ago. Suddenly, he flipped. The first huge fight we had was when I told him I wanted to keep my options open for college, and he was furious because he can’t stand the thought of us not going to college together. For months and months we’ve fought about every little thing, and today he told me that I never give him enough, and that I’m a horrible person to him, that I don’t listen to him when he tells me he feels depressed and suicidal. For months, this has gone on where he says he’s depressed and has attacks of fury and sadness, he blames his depression on me, because I don’t “need him enough”. I don’t know if maybe I am just a horrible girlfriend and I’m not giving him what he needs, or if the truth is that nothing will ever be enough for him. We have such an amazing connection but lately things have been so bad, I don’t know if breaking up is the right thing to do, am I a horrible person for leaving someone who is in such need for a good person in their life?

    Reply
  18. I have Been with my boyfriend for 3 years,,Tonight he choked me out in public till I pass out…..I really love him!But I really think I should leave nobody should put up with that!!!

    Reply
    • Get rid of him immediately!

      Reply
  19. I can’t say if he really means that he love me or not, here’s a scenario:
    I have been in a relationship with him for over 4 years and months, i included the thrice break up we had on our last 4 year. Last year he told me and almost cried that I had been too possessive of him because i keep complaining and blabbering him about his girl band-mate who is too close to him. Which is actually my fault being too jealous. But i can’t help it they are always together on events and he always gets her on his gig and they always take pictures together. After 3 years we barely are having pictures together and he seems more happy with his friends and band mates more than he does to me. Whenever we had the chance to meet he failed to meet me and tells me he has things to do, but when someone calls him for a band practice and gig event, HE GOES. I feel stupid and felt useless, he only comes with me when he needs me because i provide him money, my gadgets and a lot of affection. What’s more i hate of him is that he cusses me even in our first year of our relationship. I thought it was normal at first when a guy calls you stupid, motherf*cker. But it got worse, he starts calling me a slut and accuses me of sleeping with other guys and having an affair of who i talk to on social media and all. HE EVEN THREATENS ME TO LEAK A VIDEO I AM NOT GUILTY OF, he tells me he is going to send it to my mom and dad and all that, and broke up with me after. But then even though we broke up he still threatens me and accuses me with every guys and girls that i am with and call them names too. Even before he wasn’t actually friends with my friends, he never seemed to like anybody who i am friends with. It goes on like this thrice of breaking up then he comes back and tells me that he loves me but i don’t feel it through him. Imagine, we have been together for 4 years and the 2nd and 3rd break up and get together was through only a text message. I don’t think he is that sincere, if he really wants to be with me, he should confront me personally and make me feel like he means it. Right now i don’t know what to think. I feel like texting him back after he texted me this quote “I love you honey :(” i don’t know what to do, should i leave him permanently or give him a chance after what he had done.

    Reply
  20. I’ve been with this guy for 3 years. Hes amazing and so sweet.valentines day is close and i layed in my bed last night thinking of how happy he made me and i told him that i love him and he loves me to.
    he mentioned he was a sexual guy many times. but tonight he tells me that i wouldn’t like what really turns him on. he likes his girl to please another guy basically, and to tell him plenty of time before. I didnt know what to do or think, so i didnt replied on kik, he knows im upset with him, he said hes sorry. i told him that i need to go. all im doing is crying now cause i love this man so so so much, and yet he wants me to do this? i could never. he and i are engaged, and i never thought he would want thi.

    Reply
  21. tonight, idk how to feel….. ive been with this guy for almost 3 years now and he means the world to me. i wanna be with him, he wants me.
    last night i watched the notebook and was just in a lovey mood. today, i tell him he means the world to me and that i love him so so so so much… and he says that hes very sexual, which we are, but then he says he wants me to do something that i would never ever ever wanna do.he wants me to hook up with a guy, tell him, and he wants me to please him. it hurts that he wants me to do this, that hello, i can get an std, and that he should be ashamed of asking me this. he said he was sorry, but he knows that im upset. im crying, im so hurt, cause were practically engaged. he’s done this twice now…. im blinded by love.

    Reply
  22. I’ve spent over 6 years with a man that calls me names, hurts my feelings, never supported me…has isolated me from friends and family…..went on chat sites ….txted other woman, emailed other woman ……says he never cheated …..tells me what he does is his f business ….yells at me if I ask questions about his day…..over 6 years of abuse……he’s made me crazy….he has taken my heart and broken it many times….I’ve tried to leave so many times……he always twists everything around to make me feel like everything is my fault….I’m the crazy one he says…it’s my fault he calls me a whore…..my past I was a whore and. I still want other men he says….I have a whore mentality he says……I’ve begged him to let me go….to no avail…..I’m his doormat….his whore……he has made me feel so worthless I’d rather be dead than continue on…….

    We started dating and everything was wonderful…..little things would come up that made me question him…..after 2 years of dating I knew he’d never marry me…..after 2 1/2 years I no longer wanted to marry…I just wanted myself back….he stole my 30’s from me…..he manipulated me every way imaginable…..4 years of counseling because I was the crazy one…last night he told me..” Your the only whore I’ve been to bed with”… I want to go far away from him…….he has made me worthless….and unable to think for myself…….I’m now 40 and im nothing but his fat ugly useless whore…….he did this to me….and I allowed it because I was weak

    Reply
    • That’s a terrible way to live. You must get out of this dysfunctional relationship. I am working on getting rid of my boyfriend. He is mentally and verbally abusive. Don’t lose your 40s, too. I lost mine and now I’m 50! They never change. It can be the way he was brought up. Maybe his father was the same way to his mother or to him. Whatever it is, it is not your issue! I’ve been called a fat c##t numerous times. It’s a cycle. He is mean to me and I end up feeling like the crazy one. Then I duck his calls. You wouldn’t believe the mean messages he left in my VM. Then I finally relent and he is nice to me for a few days, then it starts all over again. This is no way to live. Can you imagine living with him or worse yet, marrying him? That would be the end of your world as you know it. At this point I haven’t spoken with him for two days because he humiliated me at the gym. I’m sick of getting yelled at. I’m not a dog or a piece of shit under his feet. And you aren’t either. End it quick. Valentine’s Day being spent with him would be a waste of your precious time. Spend it with your friends or family. This is not your fault. It is his. No one else would ever deal with this. Join a support group and keep busy. When he pops into your mind, block it out and think of how lucky you are to be free. Do it! I am. I will never put myself in such a dysfunctional situation again – I would rather die as a spinster! I hope that you are free as I write this. You are smart and special. He will never prosper…but YOU will!

      Reply
    • Amy, I’ve been with who I believed was the love of my life. Yet he makes me miserable. I’ve never screamed & broken anything like this before. He tries to turn his failures into my doings. We fought the other night and he stayed out til 3am. Drunk. Then blamed me. I did not kick him out. Last night he said he was coming home and I was ready to see him. He never did. I Think he was out all night doing coke but he denies it and gets angry if I ask about it. Tonight I agreed to come home yet we bickered the entire time. He knew I was being sarcastic and fake. He didn’t try to apologize and finally took his tired ass to bed. I feel like I hate him so much I could ram a knife into his head. Of course I never would but no one has ever made my blood boil like this. In the past he has got credit cards out in my name without my approval, busted up my house, broke my chins cabinet, called my boss to try to get me fired, lied to me on numerous occasions, strangled me to the point of unconscious (my throat and eat still hurt from it) called me a stupid fucking bitch, texted lies to my family and friends, sent me into panic attacks, stolen my bank card, put my cat out on the pouring rain, and talks to a past sex partner that he knows I don’t approve of & strongly dislike. Yet I’m still with him. He has spent my money and taken control over my passwords and pretty much my life. I hate him right now and don’t know what to do. Honestly I’m afraid that he is terribly insane and I’m stupid for ever allowing these incidents to occur. I’m behind on my mortgage and car payments. He says he is going to fix it and I knue his dad is loaning the money. I Feel like I need to stay until I’m financially caught up and then I’ll pack a bag, change bank accounts, grab my cat, and get the fuck out of dodge. I met him while married and he handled my divorce paperwork. I’m done. Not love.

      Reply
  23. This is our story. My bf and i dated for 3 years and we decided to move in together. We were in LA but came to Sacramento cuz i was going to start college. Our relationship has been on and off. When we first started going out., he was sweet and i really liked that because i thought “ohh this guy really likes me and wants something serious”. Our first argument was when i saw some messages on( an application text free) his phone Where he was flirting with 2 girls. Yes im a jealous type and asked for an explanation. I forgave him. We continued together but his parents were always against our relationship because they didnt want distractions for their “boy”. When we use to break, he would activate his facebook, flirt with girls, go out with his friends which he usually didnt do when he was with me, while i was suffering seeing how happy he was without me. I got tired of being stupid. During the whole spring break, he didnt call nor send me a text. I was frustrated and furious thinking the worse, that he is cheating on me. So i asked a friend (a guy i barely new) from school to buy me MDs. We drank and he kissed me. I avoided him. Then he tried to touch my legs and i said “stop i have a boyfriend” after that i didnt wanna see him ever again. I regret drinking with that supposedly friend and i couldnt stay quiet. After spring was over “my bf” came to visit me and i told him what happened. He was super mad called me names such as slut, whore and i didnt care cuz it was ttrue o
    For doing such stupidity. We were still together. We broke up again and he started talking to girls while i was loyal after almost losing him when i got drunk. I was so afraid to lose him fforever but he came back. When we argued again, this time He started saying that he fucked a girl and that he likes another girl and that he let go away so many chances with prettier girls who were offering themselves to him. I ovbiously felt bad and slaaped him. And thats when all the violence started. After all this prproblems, we still managed to be together. Now that we were living in sacramento he talked with my dad and told him that he wanted to be with me forever. At first it was awesome moving in with him but he was so immature. He spents money like crazy knowing that we hhad to pay bills, rent etc. We fought physically and verbally for little stulid things. He called me black bitch and i called him fat and broke. Like 3 months ago i saw a nasty email on his phone and i asked what tf was it. And he said it was a scam. I said okay. I believed him cuz supposedly he was changing to be faithful so everytime we used to fight he just sat down and tthink.He didn’t flirt nor go out anymore. So like a month ago i didnt finish my hw so i decided to wake up at 6 in the morning. I was curious about the email again so i grabbed his phone and look through iit cuz it was weird seing 2 emails about if he still wanted a BJ(blowjob). I grabbed it and found one email saying “send me a picture baby i would like to fuck a beauty like u”. When i opened the picture i laughed cuz she was a black and fat lady (around 35 and we are just 20btw). So i logged in to craigslist put the email address and reset his password damn i was devastated of what i saw :/. i asked myself how could i been so stupid of not noticing iit. He started right away when we moved in. There were lots of sex emails and i forgave him once again. I asked him if he fucked with some of them and he said no and started crying. He said “where am i supposed to get money to pay them”. He asked me for another chance to change and b sweet again. I said okay but it wont b easy for me to forget he agreed. It wasnt the same. He changed a lil but honestly it wasnt the same. He had killed all my trust. We argued and i brought up this topic and he said if i dont stop he’s going to move back to LA with his parents where he doesnt have to pay rent. I said okay fine leave not knowing that he was gonna leave again. On sunday he left around 2 and never came back. On mmonday he called me that he was in LA . i didn’t believe him. He said he got a job already. I know he loves me and i do too but he said that he will never come back. I dont understand him, if he says he will never come back why would he take my passport and my cars title? And leave half of his cclothes and his social security number card? I am devastated and dont know what to think anymore? Is he going to come back or no? he didnt quit his job and he was going to college here as well. It makes no sense to me.

    Reply
  24. Hi! Me and my boyfriend is 9 months been together but i noticed that he doesn’t have time for me..i want to have a quality time with him but its just that he always makes excuses..what should i do?should i break up with him?i feel that he don’t love me anymore.

    Reply
  25. I Love ma guy like ne thing and i cant stay without hime n he knw dis very well … one day i got to knw that hebis double dating me. The other girl msg me n ask me to stay away from him. Den i had a word wid ma guy and told him abt dis msg he ask me to give him some tym and he will sout dis out but still he is talk to dat girl n i cant see that every day their is some or the other issur is der … I cant take dis ne more it really hurts me i tried to brk up he is not allowing me to do so… i love him a lot and i really cant stay without him…..

    Reply
  26. I came here because I googled “I don’t love him, but I feel like he’s the only one that would ever love me” and a few links down I find this. You see, I just got out of a toxic relationship with a verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive man. I was doubting my decision. It wasn’t the authors advice that spoke to me, it was hearing all of these stories from you ladies. I realize my situation could have been much worse, and it probably would have if I had stayed. Some of you don’t feel important, or that nobody is listening, but I am. If I could, I would hug each and every one of you ladies. So with tears in my eyes I say this to you: Thank you.

    Reply
  27. helw every1. my relation is from last five years. he propsed me bt still he was busy wid many girls on fb n all later i came to knw n he told frm nw i wont do such stuffs and all pls forgive. he used to ignore my calls and busy playing fifa wid frenz whole ngt i used to wait for 5-6 hrs in ngt for his one call and he used to abuse me very badly. many tyms i saw filthy msg on fb and here n dre . i got his fake fb account also wre he used to text girls. he used to beat me very badly in dese 5 yrs more than 100 times and mc and randi is lyk common word which he uses on me….he beat me so many times very badly i used to cry a lot …i gave second chance many chances bt dnt knw wat to do…m tired nw…bt i love him so much ..pls show me d way to get out of dis mess pls…..m struggling a lot….m broken fully…he is nt gonna change…each day he vl make me cry..i used to plead pls dnt beat me bt he used to beat me with shoes, bottles, broom,each n everything…..my face is fully spoiled with his slaps n beatens bt cant do anything ..pls help me

    Reply
  28. My boyfriend called me a slut behind because he thought I liked his best friend despite me telling him loads of times I had no feelings for his friends . He denied it at first that he had called me a slut which ruined my friendship with some friends as I didn’t believe them when they had told me. I cry constantly . He excuses are he’s dad had a heart attack . Am pretty sure that had happened ages ago and his dad us fine now. His dad having a heart attack is irrelevant to calling me a slut. And it doesn’t give him the right to go round through around the word slut. And this part annoys me the most he had the audacity to blame it on me and say him calling me a slut is my fault. It’s not my fault he called me a slut. I’ve done nothing for him to call me a slut. For heaven sake were 12. Dump or forgive him?

    Reply

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