Should I Break Up With Him?

“Sometimes things are bad, but are they really bad enough that I should break up with him? Maybe things will get better. Or maybe if I break up with him, then I will regret it and he will never take me back. I don’t know why I feel sad all the time, but I wish that things would just be fun again. I don’t know what to do.”

Should I break up with him?
Every relationship has ups and downs, but it can be hard sometimes to figure out whether or not you should break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Breaking up is hard. Think about how many songs people have written about a broken heart? Relationships become routine; it’s hard to imagine life without talking to your boyfriend every day. The love you feel can be strong; but sometimes the people who we love let us down. Most of the time things are not black and white. There’s no clear answer as to what we should do; or we know deep down what the answer is, but it’s not one we are ready to see yet or to accept.

Reasons To Break Up:

•Your boyfriend hits you or hurts you physically in any way.

•Your boyfriend makes you feel stupid, fat, ugly or unworthy of anything

•He has cheated on you.

•He lies to you.

•You don’t love him anymore.

•You love him, but he hurts you.

•He makes you feel like you are crazy.

•He threatens to hurt you.

•He controls who you hang out with, what you wear, or what you are allowed to do.

•He has a violent temper and can blow at any moment.

•He makes fun of you in front of other people, embarrasses you or talks badly about you behind your back.

•He forces you, or pressures you to have sex with him or to do things you don’t want to do.

•He is never there when you need him.

•You can’t talk to him about how you are feeling of what you are thinking.

•He calls you a bitch, or a slut, or a whore, or any other derogatory name.

•He doesn’t have the same morals and values as you do.

•He doesn’t have the same interests.

•You don’t have fun with him anymore.

•You want to try dating other people.

•It’s just not right for you.

•He’s a great guy, but you just don’t feel a connection anymore.

•You don’t have feelings for him anymore, or your feelings have changed.


Are You Staying With Him Because:

• He makes you feel confident, empowered and appreciated……..

OR BECAUSE  you feel like you don’t deserve to want someone better than him.

• You love and trust him, and he feels the same way about you……..

OR BECAUSE  you are afraid that if you break up with him he will start dating someone else just to make you jealous.

• He protects you and is always there for you if you need anything……..

OR BECAUSE  you are afraid of what he might do to you if you leave him.

• Can talk to him about anything and you know he will listen……..

OR BECAUSE  you don’t have any idea how to tell him that you don’t want to be with him anymore and you are scared to try.

• You can’t imagine being with anyone else……..

OR BECAUSE  you are afraid that no one will ever love you as much as he loves you.

• He lets you have your own life and lots of friends, independent of him……..

OR BECAUSE  He’s the only person you have, and you are afraid that without him you will be all alone.

•He inspires you to be a better person and to trust yourself to chase after your dreams……..

OR BECAUSE  Everyone in his life lets him down, and you feel bad adding yourself to that list.

• Things aren’t perfect, but you feel safe and valued even when you disagree……..

OR BECAUSE You feel obligated to stay with him, and you are just trying to wait out this bad time until things are better again.

•You have fun with him. He makes you laugh and feel happy……..

OR BECAUSE If you break up with him he will punish you. He might kill you, or try to kill himself.


Remember:

•You have a right to end a relationship at any time, for any reason. I had a friend who broke up with a boy because he didn’t like Taylor Swift! For her, that was a deal breaker. It’s hard to tell someone that you don’t want to date them anymore, but if it’s not working for you then don’t stay just because you don’t know how to leave.

•If someone hurts you, don’t make excuses for them. It’s really, really hard to be let down by the person you love, and sometimes it seems easier to ignore the pain or to brush it off. Admitting that someone has hurt you does not make you weak, it makes you strong enough to acknowledge it; and staying with someone who hurts you is not brave and it can put your life in danger.

•There are many different forms of abuse. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t hit you, an abuser can still do serious mental and emotional damage to you if you stay with him.

•The right person for you is out there somewhere, and you won’t have to hold your breath when you are with him, or try to be better so that he doesn’t hurt you, or try to fix what is wrong with him….he will love you just the way you are and he will build you up instead of tear you down. Hold out for him.

•If things were meant to work out, breaking up won’t stop that. People break up all the time and get back together….so if you are not ready to break up for good, just give yourself a few weeks to get some distance from the relationship and see how you feel….then decide what you want to do. Someone who really loves you in a healthy way will give you time and space when you need it. They won’t force you to stay with them, or punish you for needing to figure things out.

•You are a beautiful, brave, smart and amazing person! The person you end up with is LUCKY to be dating someone as amazing as you. Even if it feels like you have no other options, there are lots of other people out there and lots of people who will love you just the way you are.

25 Comments

  1. I LOVE what you posted here. Great tips and should definitely be taken to heart by all women.

    Reply
  2. I still cant do it.
    I love him,he doesnt hurt me,but hes overprotected and wont let me hang out with my friends and calls me a whore,slut,bitch ect.but then he apologizes..
    and when its just me and him hes the sweetest person ever.
    Im just going to wait it out,everyone has rough patches,but they tend to pass.

    Reply
    • Hi if men call you names like slut whore bitch it means two things they dont respect you and they are cheating behind your back especially if they also accuse you of going with other men check their emails textes clothes etc and even follow them on the sly

      Reply
  3. after a night like tonight with my fiance, whom ive been with 4 years , it think i needed to read this. with a busted lip, slightly bruised eye, and lumps on my forehead, i almost considered forgiving him.. again. i know its the wrong choice and i almost got out but then he followed me to the gas station and as i was filling up he pulled up 2 minutes later. i immediately regretted going to a near by station (stupid idea). I have long 13 hour drive to my home town and it was after midnight. my driverside window is broken and everytime id try to start the car and pull off, he’d reach in and stop me from turning on the truck, and would threaten to break the clutch if i did not go home. not to mention i had a sleeping 2 year old in the back seat. eventually i came back, and even began to consider how rough things have been going for him and as i said, in my head i was going toforgive and forget. but f that. and he sleeping right now.

    Reply
    • Leave his a$$! U dont deserve that & get ur bby out of that f-ed up life style, let him go to work or where ever but while he is gone pack a small bag and get the hell away from him! If not to better ur own life ,do it for ur bby!!!!!

      Reply
  4. I’m married too mine he makes me feel ugly fat gross everything in between I can’t leave him we have two kids together and I want my kids to have there father I went from
    Being the most confident person I know to not wanting to look in the mirror
    I’ve told him this and he says it’s all in my head
    it’s killing me slowly inside and he stop me from going out have a Job haven a life out side of him really
    some days I just don’t want too get out of bed but I know I have too be there for my kids I guess it’s a part of like

    Reply
    • much harder with marriage and kids. Make yourself the best you can be by eating right and getting in shape. If you love yourself it is much harder for another person to make you feel bad. If you still feel bad after learning to love yourself and your accomplishments then maybe he is the culprit. Keep a journal for sure. Reflection on the past is a good way to see into the future. If he continues to be horrible to you chances are that he wont change too much.

      but if you feel happy with yourself maybe you will see that he isnt trying to make you feel bad

      Reply
  5. I don’t know whether or not to break up with my boyfriend… He and I have been dating on and off for five years, and as much as I love him I’m miserable.

    He has left me multiple times for girls that he thought he had a “thing” for, only to come crying back and tell me that I’m really the only one for him and he was just confused.

    But he’s not the only bad guy… Earlier this year, he and I were fighting and we broke up and I got involved with his best friend. I guess that makes me a bitch too.

    Our sex life is wonderful and he can be great, but I feel like he ignores me and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. But because of what happened with his friend and I, he’s the only person I have right now. Do I really risk being all alone? :/

    Help?

    Reply
    • hard to leave a good sex life. Really evaluate if you are miserable or not. if you are leave. If you arent stay.

      Reply
  6. i tried to breakup with him many times but i just couldnt go through with it .
    he cheated on me twice , i saw many msgs on his facebook him begging fat and ugly girls for ugly pictures when i confronted him about it he flipped said was my found called me whore bitch that i broke his heart when he broke mine blabla . i tried to breakup with him back then but he said was gonna kill himself or kill me . he promise he would never msg any of those girls untill now never saw him asking or talking to nay girls . but hes constantly treating me like shit always yelling flipping on me for no reason always blaming me but sometimes hes just soo sweet . hes always buying me presents that i dont want so when i tried to breakup with him he says gonna take it back say wanna come to my house come get it , but actually he just wanna come here fight yell . hes always promising hes gonna change but he never does .hs crazy jealous someone looks at me or msg me on fb he wants to kill the person , if we dont hangout cus hes tired and wanna stay home sleep if i go out he will flipp make big deal . if i dont wanna go out with him cus im tired he says i dont love him anymore . imm tired i love him but i just wanna be far away from him but its soo hard </3 i just dont know how to break up with anddont want to put restraining order on him and ruin his future …

    Reply
    • TIME to leave!! any mention of suicide or homicide is a big red flag. LADIES!! there are good normal guys out there in the world who would never mention killing themselves if they lost you… those are who we need to find

      Reply
  7. well me and my bf have been going out for 1 year . i feel happy with him but then again i feel sad. he is soo jelouse about everything. he tells me not to hangout with my girls but then he be hanging out with his boys everyday.. like he just wants me to avoid everyone. he gets mad for everything.. he gets mad if i wanna do sum nice to my self to make me feel better. he always expects me to be home everyday andjust do that. like i love him but i feel like im getting treated unfair. he always assumes im with other guys. its tough when i go to school cuz right away he starts saying “i bet your with guys watch ima be on the same tip” always accusing me of everything. and thing is i dont talk to guys at school and i dont even hang with guys.. i feel like ima blow up i feel like hes so insecure about him self. and oh he be always bringing up my ex boyfriend. i feel so fucken frustrated but then again im still with him cuz i love him.. but its just too much :( i just sit there and think about everything me and him have as a memory.. :(

    Reply
    • is he with other girls?
      the accusations come out subconciously when guys are cheating… or if a girl cheats. It goes both ways

      Reply
  8. i love my boyfriend so much, i wanna marry him. but things aren’t really good with our relationship. he has anger issues and i understand that. but every bit of hurt, complaints, experiences and realizations i had, i found in this article. i want him to read this hoping he would realize what he’s been doing to me. i’m honest with my feelings with him and whenever he does or says something that hurts me, i let him know. but i can’t seem to see any improvements on his part. is it safe to let him read this? or will it only start another argument? and i’m actually scared of making him see his mistakes again cause he has this attitude that he’ll then push me away into breaking up with him or go find another guy and more stuff like that.and i dont like that feeling he makes me feel when he doesn’t even seem to care much if i would actually break up with him. it feels like it’s still a loss more on my part. i’ve forgiven him many times, but i just don’t want it to stay like this forever.

    Reply
    • give him 1 year of your life, if you are older then 30 give him only 6 months. If his anger is still a problem time to leave.

      I gave away 5 years once. please dont do that. it will waste your time, energy, your youth and your money.

      If he is a good guy you will definitely know that he is a keeper within the first 6 months

      Reply
  9. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 and half years he is a sweet guy and does show his love to me all the time but there is one problem when I talk to him about marriage he changes the subject I don’t understand I tell him I only want him in my life and future he says me to bit he said I don’t know about the future.. Also he says my feelings are stronger then his I’m do sick of sitting down and thinking about this it’s stresses me out keep thinking wondering would this guy would make me his wife one day..btw we are only 20 when we argue he says his ex name to me because he knows I get very angry and sometimes kick me :( calls me names and also be size of him I hate my physical appearance be sugar he wants big boobs and ass which I don’t have.i cook clean and been next to him when ever he needs me and I’ve always did his told I love this guy and it hurts me a lot sometimes he throws my clothes away on the floor and throws me out in his place then says sorry and puts my things back.. I don’t know what to do.. Our sex life has gone down we sometimes do it once a week or never.. It upsets me so much I want to feel beautiful and sexually attractive bit this guy has taken everything away from me :( and the main issue also is when I text or call he ignores and calls me whenever he wants when I need him his not there.. Please help how can I fix things

    Reply
    • Guys need to feel that they are always chasing you. Back away from him a bit and let him feel like he is the one who needs get you.

      Reply
  10. we had a relationship of 5 yrs, but in this 5 yrs he has abused me so much even though i dnt deserve all that, then he started lying and had all kind of porn images in his cell, i told him i m hurt by all that be dnt pay any attention to me, he has slept with 3-4 sluts and he says its ok with him, i got fed up and left him, he says i m selfish that i dnt agree with him to let him sleep with other girls…i m so hurt..he called me whore, slut. ugly. motherfucker and all those crab things, i was so dedicated in relation, he used to control my each and every second but then too i got cheated.

    Reply
    • LEAVE THAT ONE!

      Reply
  11. I don’t know if I wanna break up with him! But like I don’t feel love from him. It.feels like I’m that one who is trying and.he’s not! Before he was cute but then he started calling m whore bitch slut stupid ect… and I don’t like it but he says he’s just playing around but it hurts m and I told him but he keeps doing it… and he always do things that hurt m or I don’t like! We have been dating for 5 months and 23 days and we have never hang out we just go to his house which is fun but I want to go to the movies or something you know! I tell him but he doesn’t want to! Like in my birthday he didn’t gave m anything either on Valentine’s but I did gave him something. Like I’m soooo romantic but he’s not. And he’s always so immature too which it pisses m off! And I have to go see him, because he doesn’t wanna come see m soo if I don’t go we don’t see each other! Sometimes he’s saying to date someone else because he doesn’t deserve m but I love him!:( even though he hurts m a lot. The problem is I can break up with him because I’ll regret it ( that’s what I think). what should I do??? Please help:(

    Reply
  12. I don’t know if I wanna break up with him! I’m that one who is trying and.he’s not! Before he was cute but then he started calling m whore bitch slut stupid ect…and I don’t like it but he says he’s just playing around but it hurts m and I told him but he keeps doing it… and he always do things that hurt m or I don’t like! We have been dating for 5 months and 23 days and we have never hang out we just go to his house which is fun but I want to go to the movies or something you know! I tell him but he doesn’t want to! Like in my birthday he didn’t gave m anything either on Valentine’s but I did gave him something. Like I’m soooo romantic but he’s not. And he’s always so immature too which it pisses m off! And I have to go see him, because he doesn’t wanna come see m soo if I don’t go we don’t see each other! Sometimes he’s saying to date someone else because he doesn’t deserve m but I love him!:( even though he hurts m a lot. The problem is I can break up with him because I’ll regret it.what should I do??? Please help:(

    Reply
  13. My boyfriend and I have been together four years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve also had abusive ups and downs from BOTH ends. Is this a repairable situation? He drinks every night but is never mean when drunk. He’s sweet to me and always tries to include me and visit me. But, we’ve cheated on each other before. So it’s equal abuse. I know I have a problem. And he has problems, too. What do I do? Because we are both pretty equal but we love each other.

    Reply
  14. Hi
    I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 26,we’ve been dating for 4years now and nothing changed on my side,even I always find clothes,earing and watches at his apartment and I find them at places where u can even see he tried hard to hide.early this year we had an argument,he forced me to answer a call from a friend whom I promised we’ll go out n I was afraid to dissapoint her that’s why I decided not to answer.He confronted me of cheating,he beat me wit a firm beld,squeezed my neck through me on the walls n lastely I found myself seeing things twice then I woke up in hospital,he refused to tell me I collapsed thinking I can’t remember what he did to me,I reminded him evrythn and he apologised wit his tears running down his face.We always fight and sometimes comes at school unannouced.I’m afraid to tell my parents because they will hate him and tell me to live him whereas I love him with all my heart…what can I do to change him cuz I always tell him how I feel and now I’ve quited cuz I’m tired of hearing the same story everyday”SORRY”word.

    Reply
  15. I have been on and off with my dude for almost 6 years and I need to walk away. I know I’m my heart now is the time. He has cheated on me with hookers over 10 times actually having side relationships with these horrible women and thinking nothing is wrong with it, as far as trying to make me be friend his hooker. He goes hard in love with his new interest and hurting me while I wait around on side and I grow more distant. He still wants full control over me despite his infidelity. Going through my stuff while I sleep and knowing my pass words to email ect. He tells me he never wants us to split and he loves me but he has broken me down so low in the past years. I once was so beautiful and healthy and fit and energetic now im over weight snd depressed and sad all the time. He makes fun of my weight calling me chubba licious and makes fat jokes in every other sentence snd gets mad if I don’t laugh at them. Behind my back I hear how bad he speaks of me and how I’m not what he wants. Even though I had his child psid all the bills and have him a roof over his head snd love for six years. He is in jail now for not paying child support for his previous two children and it’s been the first time I had to sit snd look at my life and what a mess it’s become. I need to walk away and take my life back. I’m sick of crazy hookers calling or texting me talking smack because they want to be his only one or they want to hurt me. He doesn’t even respect me enough to stop that crap. My child doesn’t want to see his dad sny more just me because he says his dad is mean and has girlfriends or that he doesn’t care. Not to mention he is violent if you ever go against his wishes or ideas. In march he woke me up punching me in the eye and I bled all night not aloud to get medical attention. The next dsy I got away snd got 12 stitches in a very deep gash resulting in my left eye to point down now actually chsnged my appearance snd at work I had a black eye for a month. He never took responsibily for it he told my family some guy mugged me when I was at a casino loosing money. Too bad I don’t even go to casinos. My mom believed him and was mad at me not even realizing he manipulated the situation. I never pressed charges because he scared me so bad and he deleted all my photos taken of the incident. There has been more attacks in the past and he’s robbed me snd I’ve never reported it . I always feel bad in the end like it’s all my fault. I know this is toxic and bad and could end much worse unless I leave. I need some words of encouragement to help me. I lost all my friends and family in this relationship. God and my child are my only people.

    Reply
    • Kristin, your post breaks my heart. I was in a 10-year relationship with someone who treated me like your baby daddy is treating you. While he is in jail, RUN! Run for your life. Please look into resources for women who are trapped by domestic violence (DV). Get on the Internet and look around your area. There are resources available in nearly all communities. Please, please listen to me. Your man does not love you. He only wants to control you. He believes that he is entitled to your mind, your body and your money. And I hate to say this, but someday he may try to KILL you. My ex tried to kill me several times by choking me to near unconciousness, took a knife to me and over the course of several years raped me repeatedly. I kept thinking that things would get better because we would have periods of peace and happiness, but they never lasted very long. DV is a progressive illness–much like addiction–and over time the beatings and abuse will be closer and closer together, always escalating until one day it could happen. You MUST get out of this situation while he is locked up. I know it is so hard, but please do this. Get help to hide from him and do your best to find support to never go back. I do know how hard it is, and you can do this. I have been away from my ex for almost two years and I am only now beginning to realize how close I came to being murdered. Even now he has tried to stalk me and I got a 5-year protection order so that I could join the address confidentiality program where I live so that he cannot find me. PLEASE, do not wait another day like I did. You are giving up the best years of your life for someone who will likely NEVER change. Read a book called “Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Abusers” by Lundy Bancroft. Mr Bancroft has worked with abusers for more than 20 years and he has observed that less than 25% of abusive people can actually change. The majority of them cannot because they are narcissistic entitled persons who only see the world through the lens of control. I too lost all of my friends and family due to my relationship and only now am I beginning to build a circle of them again. If you can find a DV support agency, they will help you. Here are some great websites to just help you look for help:
      http://www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList.php
      http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html
      http://nomore.org/
      OR call this number and they can help you find someone near you:
      1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
      Please take care of yourself and know that you are not alone. I am praying for you and wish you peace.

      Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>