Am I In An Abusive Relationship?

Do you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells when you are around your boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you afraid of his temper? Or the way he acts when he drinks? Or what he might do if you tried to break up with him?
Abuse is not just a matter of someone having a bad day or getting into a bad mood sometimes. If your boyfriend or girlfriend forgets to call you one night, or doesn’t remember an anniversary, it can be disappointing, but these things happen even in healthy relationships. However, if your boyfriend or girlfriend tells you what to wear, controls who you talk to, or pressures you to do things that you don’t want to do, then the relationship is no longer healthy.

In a healthy relationship, you:

  • Have respect for each other and treat each other with respect
  • Feel comfortable and safe
  • Support each other
  • Pay attention to each other
  • Are interested in each other’s lives, families, work, etc.
  • Resolve conflicts effectively
  • Are not violent with each other
  • Have an enjoyable time together
  • Have a sense of privacy
  • Trust each other
  • Each decide what you are comfortable with sexually
  • Can express your desires as well as things you are not comfortable with
  • Have personal privacy of who you talk to, call, write to, etc.
  • Make healthy decisions about drugs and alcohol
  • Have, and encourage each other to have other friends
  • Are honest about your past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate
  • Know that most people in your life (friends and family) are happy about the relationship
  • Have more good times overall in the relationship than bad

In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you:

  • Attempts to manipulate or control the other person
  • Makes the other person feel bad about her/himself
  • Makes the other person afraid because of their temper
  • Calls the other person names or puts them down
  • Is overly critical of the other’s friends or family
  • Doesn’t make time for the other person
  • Discourages other from being close to other people
  • Pushes, grabs, hits, punches, throws objects, or threatens to do any of these things
  • Ignores the other person when he/she is speaking
  • Becomes overly possessive, controlling or gets jealous about normal behavior
  • Criticizes or supports others who criticize your gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attribute
  • Controls money or other resources (e.g., car, phone use, etc.)
  • Controls how the other dresses, what they can and cannot wear
  • Harms or threatens to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value
  • Makes use of physical force or threats to stop the other from leaving the relationship
This is a great chart I found at helpguide.org. For more information, check out their webpage–lots of great information!
The first step to getting help is recognizing when you are in an abusive relationship. Try to put aside the feelings you have about your boyfriend or girlfriend and take an honest look at how you personally feel about yourself when you are with this person. Abusive relationships are not usually abusive every second. Usually, they follow a cycle of ups and downs, good times and bad, loving behavior and abuse. Even if things are good for a while, abusive relationships tend to follow this cycle until you break it by getting out of the relationship and away from the abuser. Remember, no one deserves to be abused (mentally, verbally, sexually, physically or emotionally) EVER. You deserve a loving and healthy relationship. You do not have to stay in an abusive relationship, no matter how stuck you feel. You have the power to get out. Use the help around you and don’t give up!

60 Comments

  1. Hello-I am a male who thinks there is something wrong with my girlfriend. She has an awful temper, she’s insanely jealous, she’s always accusing me of looking at other women even when I am not, if shes ugly no problem. No matter what I do or show her nothing changes. She moved me into her house a year ago and uses this against me often. Shes been physically and mentally abusive then remarks that I am being whinny when I try to get her to understand thats not how you treat someone you love, she degrades me in my work accomplishments, tells me that my career is more important than her which is far from the truth, I want to be a responsible supporting adult like her. I tried to arrange a nice weekend for us and when I told her I was going on the internet to do this she says that I am only going to find someone else instead, she really doesnt want me to be on the internet telling me I am only using it for porn or as a way to leave her, shes scuffing her feet when it comes to me driving my car. Remarks that I will just run the roads. Treated me badly when I wouldnt agree to a joint bank account when I started working, constantly tells me her trust issues when I havent gave her any reason for it, uses the past that I told her about myself which doesnt have anything weird in it as her reasoning for her treatment. Shes kicked me threw objects at me, pushed me asked me to leave but takes the phones and internet connection after she says this…..whats worse? I am the only one she does this to :(

    Reply
    • you shouldnt stand this she is CRAZY and you need to find someone that is right for you not someone that is going to beat or treat you in any way you dont like a relationship its about LOVE giving and getting some back … but it seems she dont appriciate what you are doing for her…… my answer is LEAVE HER you are much better alone then with her………………

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    • I’m not sure how old this post is. But I’m goung through the same exact thing with my bf. I can’t take it anymore, I feel like I’m turning into someone I’m not. I have so much anger toward him I want to leave more than anything but have no support system with my family. They know he treats me this way but dismisses it bc they adore him. He’s good to everyone but me. I don’t get it!

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  2. Oh Allen that is horrible. I was in a really twisted relationship for four months. He has multiply mental illnesses but even with illness people have a heart. He had no guilt, remorse, compassion, and sympathy. Everything had to revolve around him and his life. He made fun of me, made me feel stupid, sexually harassed me, told me I was crazy all the time, shoved me, and didn’t care how I felt. Eventually he broke things off with me claiming I yelled too much. Never once realizing his actions drove me to lash out. I’m usually a quiet person but he provoked me to yelling. It took me a couple of months to get him out of my system and now I feel nothing for him.

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  3. I understand how you are feileng right now. I was in a relationship where I was constantly belittled, told I wasn’t pretty enough, etc It really brought me down on everything. I went through a period where I thought I was never going to feel good about myself again. With the advice of a good friend, I sought help from a counselor who helped me see the good I had in myself. As for my outer appearance, I slowly began to work on that. I started eating right, going to the gym, changed up my clothing a bit, and you know after about three months I saw a huge difference. Start by slowly working on yourself. Think about what makes you feel bad and think of ways to improve those things. If you make small changes, people will take notice. When people begin to compliment you, thank them and believe what they are telling you. You are a person of tremendous worth, surround yourself with positive people that make you feel happy and good. Remember abusive people are only angry with themselves and it makes them feel better to tear others down. You don’t need that, you don’t deserve that, start thinking positively about yourself. You can get your confidence back!

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  4. I have a question I live with a guy who ever time with get into a fight it is always my fault, he pick out my faults and tell me not a loud to raise my voice everything is my fault he let me go into his email and print something when i did there was a conversation on there bout me calling me names and leaving me all kinds of stuff i know i probably should not have read it but i called him and asked him why he said those things wow he is leaving me now all my fault invaded his pricacy trust is gone and tells me i need to pay for my sins is he nuts or me?

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    • I am in a similar situation if we have a disagreement he shouts throws things tells me I am stupid in the past I have had abusive relationships and he says no wonder all your other boyfriends hit you and was also phisacalky abused at the age of six . He breaks my belongings if I even raise my voice he says don’t push me you know what happens when you push me . But when someone calls you names puts you down breaks your belonging throws things at you I believe that raise your voicewould be a normal reaction he goads me it’s wants me to give him an excuse saying just carry on . So I have to control my temper . For example tonight he was cooking and spilt oil everywhere some how that was my fault I have started and was doing my essay he said I gad to clean up the mess He started steaming shouting I raised my voice then threatened me with voilence . If he loses his temper it is my fault I push him to it feel really un happy if you abuse someone it is unrealistic to expect them not to raise their voice in fact ridiculous I find myself walking away so give an excuse been with 15 years I am 40 in a few weeks and I will never be his equal . He treats me like a child . After all this time I have decided that I can not be in this relationship now I am better than this and you are to love yourself first if he dieasn’t value you then walk away I have wasted to many years on a man well never change his loss not mine hope everything works out for you . I am looking forward not back

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  5. First and foremost this website is awesome. “Life After Dating A Pyscho.” I love it. Well how about Life After Dating a Pyscho When You Are A Pyscho Yourself? My name is Megan I am 20 years old, been there done that seen my fair share of crazy when I was younger, alcoholic parents are awesome etc etc. Right out of highschool I met him. Was ready to go to college excited for summer to be over with. First love, alot of firsts. Took me two years to wake up. If I had left the fool the first time he laid hands on me I would of had my career by now. Instead I am paying my parents waterbill for them, and am back in they’re household which I have not resided in since I was 9. LIFE IS TOO SHORT, YOU DO NOT KNOW YOU ARE BEING BRAINSWASHED UNTIL YOU GET OUT OF THE BATHTUB AND UPGRADE TO A NEW ONE.

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    • Agreed. I’m in an emotionally and sometimes abusive relationship. I feel so unwanted and unloved after 2 years of giving up everything and giving him everything. I’m sick of doing everything for him when he does nothing for me. He never makes me feel good when I have a bad day. He never de-stresses me when life has got me flustered. If its not about him he doesn’t care a bit. I want someone to Care about me. Love me. Treat me with respect. But how can you get respect when you hate yourself and lost all self-confidence? :(

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      • Sweety I know its been past a few years I hope you are happy and enjoying your life fifth now! You have to love yourself first, if you looking Gore someone to make you happy it will only leads to disappointed, remember only YOU can make you happy and if you give yourself respect you will find the beautiful in you.

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      • I feel this way right now.

        I want to leave, but I feel like I have nothing left of myself.

        I quit my job, I have no friends, I have distanced myself from everyone and everything.

        Please help..

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        • Dear Jen, I am in a similar boat. Would leave NOW but after 7 years with him I got boiled like a frog and lost my house and job and savings to the charismatic psycho who has about as much charm now for me as a putrifying POS. I am trapped here. It’s like living with the taliban. I am worn out and must leave but HOW? I buy lottery tickets how sad is that? I would be happy to contact you for mutual support.

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          • I too am going through the same thing. I’m so sick of it, I can’t handle the physical and mental abuse anymore. My family loves him knowing what he does, I have no friends anymore and to make it worse moved all the way to Florida with him. I don’t know how to get away its so hard.

  6. Hi. I’m a 22 year old woman and I’ve only recently come to accept, after months of denial, that my boyfriend (whom I live with) is abusive. He has a mental illness, as do I, which is part of what drew me to him in the first place- finally, I thought, someone who understood what I was going through. But now that I’ve been with him through everything that happened in the past year with him, I realize that his mental issues only made the abuse worse. He is two people- and I never know which one I’m going to wake up next to. He can be the sweetest, most thoughtful person. He can also be a frightening, angry, paranoid, intolerant, unforgiving, violent, and HURTFUL person. He has a drinking problem, and i get scared every time he opens a beer because I know after a few dozen he will start. He knows I’m self conscious about my body, and tells me I’m Fat, ugly, and complete shit compared to the other girls he dated before me. He belittles and mocks the fact that I went to college (a waste of time, in his opinion, and all I did there was be a whore, in his opinion). He constantly accuses me of cheating on him, talking to other guys, or “going against him”/”not being on his team” every time I disagree with him. He’s threatened to kill me if he ever finds out that cheated on him (I havent). He’s also at times slapped me, punched me, choked me, broken jewelry and ripped clothing, knocked me down stairs, and threatened to kill me or put me in the ICU. He hates my family (who suspected for a while that he was abusing me- I lied through my teeth to them that he wasn’t), and will complain every time I talk to them or about them. I barely get to talk to my mom- who is my best friend- because my boyfriend just calls her a stupid, feminist, bitch. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around him- I have no opinions or voice of my own anymore- I just say what I know he wants to hear and pray he doesn’t escalate. I’ve lost nearly all my friends and the ones I do have live far away and I seldom am able to talk to them. My bf, on the other hand, has no friends. Literally. I love him, but I hate being afraid all the time… I got pregnant last year, and had an induced miscarriage (which I told him was just a natural occurrence) and if he ever finds out the truth I know he will kill me. I live with him at his parents house. I am looking for a job, and have no money and no car of my own right now. I’m so ashamed- every time I think of leaving I think, “how? Where would I go?” “what would people think? What if he kills me before I can get out?… But, mostly, I wonder “How on earth could I tell my mom?” I’m frightened and feel so alone, and I used to be fun, fearless, and full of life. Now I feel more depressed than ever and fear for my sanity.

    Reply
    • Hey !!
      You are worth a zillion of him. Get out of this. He is only a person like you are. Not better just the same. He is insecure and sad. Dont let him drag you down with him.
      Email me if you like. I have been through the same and 3 years later still slightly affected, but messages like this keep me going in the right direction. xx

      Reply
      • Im going through the same thing. Email me back plz

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      • You are worth more than that. Your mother would agree, so would a stranger on the street. There is no shame in being a victim. Take your life back and leave – safely, in the middle of the night if you have to. Best to you.

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    • Please get out of that relationship I need to too exactly the same situation that I am in I keep going back to him he belittles me and makes me feel like complete shit . My parents HATE him so much . And we live with his parents who I don’t like we have been together 3 months he forced me to live with him and tried purposely getting me pregnant and proposed to me yestarday I forced myself to say yes I don’t even wanna be with him . I’m just so hurt so please get out of this with me we are stronger then this !!

      Reply
  7. Im still in a relationship with this guy for three years last week. I really dont understand how a grown man get two DUI’s and still drink like a fish and drive. I try having a talk with him while he is sober, but the conversation always end up being my fault for me being concerned about his safety. I’ve been hit with so many objects such as a fan, iron, car keys, wine bottle, ash tray, he has broke three of my flat screens, and destroyed my apartment. I get called stupid and the one thing that breaks my heart so much and makes me cry when i think about it is that sometimes he would tell me to kill myself while he is drunk or even sober. His mother love me like her own child and I believe the reason I stayed with this man is because of her. She has three other boys who are worse than my boyfriend so i can picture what she went though while raising them. I feel as if he is trying to control me so much to the point where I dont fall for that and it makes him furious to want to drink then fight. I will always have a special place in my heart for this man from all what we done in the beginning of our relationship, but ahead I see a break up point. I can admit it does hurt a lot but its something I have to do for myself, otherwise things will remain the same.

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  8. Hi. I am 21 years old and i am in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together since 2 years and things started changing after the first year. He yells at me abuses me alot verbally and has even hit me on two occasions. He apologises and says he cannot change thats how he is. But I cannot take it anymore. Its a long distance relationship so all we do is talk over the phone and we fight alot nowdays. When we meet he acts like nothing happened and loves me alot. And the fights start the day I leave. What should I do. He is 27 years old and he has taught me to live and love in these 2 years. Will he stop abusing me? Is this compulsive behavior or just situations causing him to act like this. It has been over 6 months of severe abuse that I am tolerating till right now. I am really good looking and he is possesive which I am not bringing up here but he abuses me so much, I have become anti social and depressed. Before writing this post I called him and he said he hates me and wishes I would die. And ten minutes later,now he is calling me . I cant stop crying as to why he would say such things and act like this. Hiw many times do I forgive and forget. Is there any hope for me? I love him alot so I can forgive him even if he beat me to death. Maybe theres something wrong with me. I cant think rationally about him. Please help me.

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  9. I agree with everyone on here. Reading these makes me feel less alone. My boyfriend doesn’t care a bit about me. I’m always depressed and it’s always me fault. Why can’t he see that I feel like
    This because he never cares. He never cheers me up on bad days. Never hugs me and tells me he love me. I just always am blamed when I feel like crap. I just want to be cared about. After 2 years you’d think he would care. Know me enough to know when something was wrong. But it’s like he doesn’t care. Doesn’t care that I hate life and I’m stressed out. Doesn’t care that I’m always being out down or used. Or even pushed around. If I had a dollar for every time I heard “tomorrow” or “I don’t want to talk about this now” I could have bought a house and left him behind. I’m sick of feeling worthless…

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  10. I don’t know where to start… I got into a relationship with an older man when i was 16 and now it has been 4 years. He is my first love. I moved in with him, and since I am a student he really handles a lot of the bills, etc… I think he may be abusive but I;m not sure and I’m scared of breaking up, I have no where to go. He criticizes the way i dress, even in front of his friends and family. I wear skinny jeans and he implies that I’m a “slut”. He is very jelous, in fact, I’ve completely isolated myself from all my highschool and college friends to make sure he does not acuse me of cheating on him, which I never have, but he’s acused me of a few times. I can’t have any contact with any males (unless he knows them). He has completely conditioned how I sleep, telling me I make too much noise and he is sleep deprived because of me. I wake up in pain because I want to make sure I stay in the position he wants me all night so he won’t get mad. Everything I do I do because I am afraid he will get mad at me… Now I feel alone and hurt and don’t know what to do… when I try to tell him, he attacks me and makes me feel worse about myself. He yells at me and when I cry he gets mad because he can’t stand my high-pitched voice when I try to talk. Anyway… there are so many things, and it is causing me so much stress. But after 4 years and never knowing another lover, i don’t know what to do or who to talk to… I think maybe it’s just me and how I interpret his actions, maybe it is just my fault. But that’s what worries me… If anyone has any input, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

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    • You deserve better.. Leave him. You won’t know your worth untill you are away from all thAt and don’t ever accept anything less then what you deserve. Love isn’t like that. It shouldn’t cause fear.

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  11. I have been with my bf for 10 years and he is a total psycho. I dont think they come anymore psycho. i ALWAYS want out of the relationship but I can never get out, he always tells me he loves me soo much and cant live without me. But he has a very dark side, he has hit me before and has done alot of awful things to me, im 25 and im not putting up with it anymire. he has a gun and has threthened to kill me and hurt my friends. I dont know if I should get a restraining order on him becasue im scared it will make the situation worse. Can someone please help me with advice!

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  12. I was in a very abusive relationship for 3 years.At first he was so sweet,but after a year he changed totally.I use to be so vibrant and have very high self esteem but he destroy me totally.I was having a hard time dealing with the after math.But someone told me about this book entitled Abused under his charm.This book is awesome.I urged anyone who are going through abuse to buy this book.The author is Sherell Rosegreen.I bought it from trafford.com.Buy it,it can help you.

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  13. I feel for every one of you. Your stories hurt my heart. Get out now. They don’t know what love is, my ex was a compulsive lier. He’d do what he wanted to do knowing it would hurt me… And deal with the consequences later if caught. Small lies to big ones he was selfish and did what he wanted when caught out. He’d tell me it’s because I wouldn’t be ok with it. Where is his empathy. His conscience …. He punched me in the face while I was driving because I picked him up at three am in the morning… Because I wouldn’t get him mc Donald’s….. After that still a lier. Lie lie . No affection. No intimacy. Only when it was watching a movie and we would cuddle… Sex was shit. No foreplay. Nothing… We broke up because he had a girl in his life for two years he worked separate shifts with… I had no problem until I warned him I could see him getting close in three months. He lied about her about trying to catch up with her. To this day he Denys feelings for her… Boxing day he went out fishing I don’t care enjoy it have fun… Coes back tells me he’s going over his mates to gutt the fish and have a few brews …. Seven in the morning he comes home with another friend drunk as hell. Mind you I warned him not to have these ppl over ever because one night my dog got a huge gash in teheran head from being kicked. His friend goes home.. I let him sleep… Go out food shopping see a gf and go home thinking he’d be up and we can have some time together….. No. First thing he must ave thought was ring this butch up and invite her over for a drink. I pet my cool tried to be nice. I had a few shots to cool myself… When she disappeared to go to the loo I’d try to say to him… What the hell are you thinking… Anyway story shirt twice I tried to tell him end this night now.. I was a
    Patently the bitch… He ended going in her car driving away and slept at her house.. Telling me after ringing him constantly at 2 am in a message. Trust me nothing’s happening I needed to get away from you because your being a bitch

    Reply
    • So glad he is your ex. Make sure you don’t get caught by another abusive man. I think good advice is also do not stay with anyone who gives even a hint of having a hot temper because this will be turned on you eventually. These abusers are often angry men who cannot control themselves.

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  14. I feel for every one of you. Your stories hurt my heart. Get out now. They don’t know what love is, my ex was a compulsive lier. He’d do what he wanted to do knowing it would hurt me… And deal with the consequences later if caught. Small lies to big ones he was selfish and did what he wanted when caught out. He’d tell me it’s because I wouldn’t be ok with it. Where is his empathy. His conscience …. He punched me in the face while I was driving because I picked him up at three am in the morning… Because I wouldn’t get him mc Donald’s….. After that still a lier. Lie lie . No affection. No intimacy. Only when it was watching a movie and we would cuddle… Sex was shit. No foreplay. Nothing… We broke up because he had a girl in his life for two years he worked separate shifts with… I had no problem until I warned him I could see him getting close in three months. He lied about her about trying to catch up with her. To this day he Denys feelings for her… Boxing day he went out fishing I don’t care enjoy it have fun… Coes back tells me he’s going over his mates to gutt the fish and have a few brews …. Seven in the morning he comes home with another friend drunk as hell. Mind you I warned him not to have these ppl over ever because one night my dog got a huge gash in teheran head from being kicked. His friend goes home.. I let him sleep… Go out food shopping see a gf and go home thinking he’d be up and we can have some time together….. No. First thing he must ave thought was ring this butch up and invite her over for a drink. I pet my cool tried to be nice. I had a few shots to cool myself… When she disappeared to go to the loo I’d try to say to him… What the hell are you thinking… Anyway story shirt twice I tried to tell him end this night now.. I was a
    Patently the bitch… He ended going in her car driving away and slept at her house.. Telling me after ringing him constantly at 2 am in a message. Trust me nothing’s happening I needed to get away from you because your being a bitch

    Reply
  15. I completely agree- reading this has made me feel less alone.

    I have just (in the past 24 hours) broken up from a six month relationship that was verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive. He is possessive, jealous, suspicious, and tells me what I think and feel. He always assumes the worst in me, and often gets angry with me for things he think I will do in the future. Most of the relationship has been an endless argument, which is always my fault somehow.

    Last night he started self-harming after we had a debate about a harmless topic, and we didn’t 100% agree about the topic. He told me that it’s OK, as he’s hitting himself instead of hitting me. Without really realising what I was doing, my hand reached for the door and unlocked it. He broke up with me, and shouted at me to shut up every time I tried to speak. I agreed to the break-up. He looked totally shocked- it was obviously just a bluff. Then the insults came, about how if I’d been a better person this could’ve been great.

    He’s called me 48 times in the past 16 hours, and he’s sent me countless texts messages. All ignored. The problem is now that I’m feeling scared to leave the house alone, and scared to go back to it when I’m out, incase he’s there. He doesn’t have keys, but I don’t want to see him outside.

    If someone reads this, and thinks it sounds like them, you need a safety plan. Whose house will you go to if he’s waiting for you? How will you bring yourself to ignore the texts and the calls?

    If I can do it, so can you :-) as soon as you start to feel afraid of someone, the love isn’t there, even if you still think you feel it.

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    • I could have written this myself. You describe my partner of 7yrs to a tee. It is like they have the same app. Separated at birth!…I would leave him in a heartbeat but have nowhere to go and am isolated and skint. To top it off we shoot weddings together and he likes to upset me especially when editing the photos. Awful creature. I am becoming a bit sick physically from being with him and went a bit mad for a time but my mind is getting stronger now, thanks to him in a way as I know now what he is and tell myself that I should not feel hurt when the shark bites as it cannot help it. I live by the mantra ‘don’t wrestle with a pig, you will only get dirty and besides the pig likes it’ whenever he tries to start any arguments and unpleasantness. Sometimes when having a bad day this is extra hard to do though and I wish I could leave the loser immediately. Hopefully my lottery ticket will come up one day. He scares me witless and claims to love me and calls me darling every day…..i will spare you details of the abuse as I am so sick of it. I survive using mindfulness and meditation and appreciate my daughter, Mother and Dogs love and empathy for me. My daughter is at uni and I see her once a week in town, I keep quiet about it and say i am just shopping because he is crazy jealous of me seeing her. I phone my Mum daily when he is out. He has seen off my friends and acquaintances and has made me too embarrassed to get back in touch. I feel I can only reconnect with them once I leave him. I left him once before but was stalked and called and emailed and showered with promises to make changes going so far as seeing doctors and a councilor so back I went and guess what??? Yes, same old evil shit. Since then I have found out about ASPD and think he’s the deal here. If there is an afterlife and I hope there is, then guys like this are headed straight for Hell. Massive, MASSIVE bastards. Like demons.

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  16. Hi. I am 19 and i have been in a relationship with this guy since last 4 years. There have been ups and downs but now he has totally lost it. He threatens me all the time. He is the one who lies to me but i confront him he gets annoyed and calls me names. He rings my mumz number everynight with private and takes piss out of her too. He is now threatning me with taser.he has got one and he said he wanta to shoot me. Its been a week since i am ignoring him but he scares and forces me to text him back otherwose he will rong my mum. I dont know what to do. He has no respect for me

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  17. I am living with a man who scares me so much I actually should have called authorities several times. He drank 18-24 beers alone and then came into the house to tell me and my daughter he just loaded his AK-47 because I forgot to lock the house up. He did this at 1am. He was so evil and drunk I was scared. He loves his guns. I was literally shaking, according to my 16 y.o. daughter.she had the sense to tell the drunk guy we were going to bed and she agreed with him.

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  18. Hi, I’m 25, been with my boyfriend for 5 years, he has always drank a lot. but calmed it down when we had our two daughters. tonight I picked him up from the pub he was drunk and asked him for his share of the rent which he got but said he was a tenner short. I said that he obviously had money to sit in the pub but not to support his family. he then got angry and screamed at me that I could afford to go the gym and that I loved the gym more than him. I told him to get out the car because he was drunk and he wouldn’t he grabbed the steering wheel and started hitting the dash. I again told him to get out. He wouldn’t he said that money was all I cared about and tried to shove the money in my mouth while I was driving and asked if I wanted a broken nose. He forced me to stop on a hill and I just screamed as loud as I could which made him get out and I drove away. Can’t believe what happened I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
  19. I am 24yrs old and after spending 8yrs with a guy who neglected me n our child, abused me verbally, emotionally and physically I found the strength to let him go and it was because he went to rehab, it helped me see how I can raise my son alone and that I wasn’t in love I was just so used to that life I couldn’t leave. So now I’ve been dating a 27yr old for 10months and he is my heart my soulmate and I know I truly love him, but after 3months he started accusing me of cheating, and what started off as just pushing me has now escalated into me being violently beaten, I’ve had black eyes 4 times, he spits at me drags me around by my hair punches and kicks me he’s split my head open and yesterday punched me and head butted me which has left a nasty bruise on my chin and swollen cheek bone. He is amazing when he isn’t on drugs the affection and love we have is almost like a fairy tale then he takes off gets on drugs for days and comes back snatching my phone and spends 5 hours searching it to try to find things which he never does because all I do now is sit in my house alone waiting for him. He made me change my number, and the friends I have left he goes out of his way to convince me they’re no good and I need none of them. I devote my life to him and everyone says he’s guilty n is cheating, he’s the one who dissapears for days ignores msgs and calls. I don’t know wat to do I know in my heart I deserve more but I can’t leave him until I catch him cheating. He’s almost strangled me to death and has torn every door down in my house, punched numerous holes in walls cupboards and has kicked my car in. I’m so in love with him but I’m also suicidle because I can’t take the accusations anymore

    Reply
    • Why do you need to catch him cheating to leave him? That would be the least of the problems plus that’s a no brained that he is. The big big issue for you to run n leave is the physical abuse and all the rest no excuses wether on drugs or not, that’s not an example for your kid and you are not In any better relationship the. One w your ex , the way you were able to move in without him you can also do with this and next time date for at least a year and at FIRST sighs of abuse LEAVE and don’t b attracted to this type of men!! Brake the cycle

      Reply
  20. I am in an abusive relationship.and im stuck in it.i have tried getting out like 10 times but he never really leaves me,only acts like it.He lives with me and all we go through is ups and downs.I just hate being told who i am and what to do and that im stupid.It really makes me feel dumb.My boyfriend has not one ounce of respect for me ,he is constantly angry with me and always ready to throw hurtfull things my way.Im hurting and i have been writing trying to feel better but i just hurt.Everything is my fault,even though he is the causer.He blames evrything possible on me and hurts my feelings every day,we have gotten physical and thats the worst.I do him the favor of forgetting everything,all the hurt i feel i put in my pocket.you cant see whats in my pocket untill i take it out but it is always there.Its really hard for me to grasp what has been going on this last year.Really bad things have happened and keep happening.he has beat me up ,given me black eye and knots on my head and though the bruises have healed the emotional scare is there.I think sometimes that im just a numb dumb ass.but infact im hurting so bad that i just chose to forget everything including who i am and everything good i have ever done.Instead im here in a box wasting time with someone who is killing me.He wants me to listen to him but does not listen to me.Im not saying im right all of the time but what can listening to me harm?listening to him harms me.so i recently i have not been listening as much and wish i started sooner.Everyone who meets him thinks he is amazing,but its all a front.If my mother only really knew what i have been through insted of thinking he was a charm.I wish i could tell someone exactly how i feel because there are so many thing going on that are wrong in my picture and i just simply dont deserve it.Im such a good person and i dont understand how someone can use my weakness to their advantage.He will not every change and i need to realise that.Because something i and we both hold on to is out wonderful past,which is never coming back.I think i am hurting more that i can tell but i know there are so many people hurting out there so what does it matter about me? My solution is my mom.When im sad like now.all i want is her.I have wasted a year and a half of my life with someone who ‘loves’ me enough to hurt me so bad.I have become nothing.everything i was i am no longer and will never be again.I am weak now.and i keep trying not to give up because i have before and it was the worst thing i ever did.then i met him,things were great and then they all changed.He is not at all the person i met.

    Reply
  21. I am in a relationship with my husband of 8 years 2 children later. He has become abusive before our second child. I have prayed and wanted our lives to be different for a long time now. He can be the most loving person but he can change in seconds..to a violent man. He’s hit me with his fist blacking my eye. He’s sprayed me with the fire extingser threw things broke things. From busting the kitchen cabnets to throughing our bed outside. I’m a worthless fat ass cunt. A stupid bitch. On on cut our furniture with a knife. I wanted my marrage but I’m scared of him I can’t tell him things bc it might not be that minute but I’ll hear about it just as soon as he explodes again. I’m worried about writing this please excuse the spelling. Just yesterday he went off on me again. He broke the bm

    Reply
  22. Hi Me and my boyfriend has dated for 2 years and plan to marry by Dec 2013, But recently I’ve found out that he always likes to criticize me a lot , that I’m fat, ugly, stupid and he want to like beautiful girls all the time, in joking. Moreover, he likes to make me painful by twisting me, beating me but not a lot of pain. He’s very rare to say anything good to me. What should I do? Plz help me, should I reconsider about marrying him?

    Reply
    • Same is the case with me I think us have found someone else more interesting than u ;(

      Reply
  23. im in a reLationship wuth this guy since 1 year but now i dont know what to do he abuses me allot both verball,mentally and try to get physicall with me but i dont want to do sex with him cuz he dont believe me. Whenever he breakup with me and i said ok he use to blamee that Im dating another guy n if i try to leave him he will givve me personal pics on porn site Im getting sixk of fim thats why i dont want to spend another minute with him but he threatened me allot n im really Afraif of him. last time i was causually talking with frnds on fb n i didnt bother to tell him next day he creayed an issue on call n gave my number on every single group on fb. The thing is he say he loves me but always say i am just passing time eith u i love him allot i use to buy expensive gifts for him i pay his cellphone bills etc but now i am thinking to leave him he insults n abuses me allot. Pls anyone suggest me what to do???

    Reply
  24. hi i am in a relationship with my bf for last 8 yrs.in the begining everything was good.he was caring,loved me always asked me out,always asked me about me.we met during my engineering college days.i completed my graduation in four years but he took seven years to complete coz he failed three years.now i was doing a job and he was in college .i met all his needs.whatever he needed.i always asked him out so that he could feel better.but he was never happy.though he had taken a job when he had failed still out of self esteem i paid for my share of food when i stayed with him for a month.his frnds would come over for eating but he never helped me in the kitchen even when i was not well.he used to drink and come home telling dat he cant handle depression.he slapped me on two occasions for talking to my friend.still i loved him and again when he was in college i paid for everything and he now owe me 20000 rupees.apart from this money i also took him for outing always for a year.before i was a very quiet and confident girl but now i m always depressed and crying.he always abused me in front of his frenz,belittle me.i am lost somewhere and i dont know who i originally was.he never calls me to say sorry if he hurts me by words.he speaks abusive to me.i neglected everything and loved him to hell.but now when i m away i realize what i have undergone.i m finding it difficult but i want to breakup.plz help

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  25. Hi I been abused my whole life and currently in a two year unhealthy relationship I been cheated on for two years lied to and abused I’m a angry person and find myself not the girl I was befor I met himi was single in sum wat at peace with myself now my heart hurts bad I constantly cryin never enjoying everyday life I say mean things to hurt him or yell a lot cuase I’m upset but Neva have I felt so disrespected as a human being I’m 7years older than them should I have seen this coming its not love I have black eyes in the past bruises that lasted for months I been abusive as well to him and I want it to stop and I’ find myself becoming as ugly as him now

    Reply
  26. I have been in a relationship for a year with my partner, he has a really bad temper, in this year I have had two miscarriges to him which he has blamed me for and said it was all my fault, he has hit me, punched me, kicked me, on many occasions, held a knife to my throat and when I was lying on the floor not able to breathe because he had punched me in my stomach he threatened me even more, I’ve been lying on the floor covered in my own blood while he has still continued to kick me in the face, he has broken my nose and gave me many black eyes aswel as leaving me covered in bruises, he has made me sleep on a hard floor when I was pregnant while he lay in the bed, he watches porn infront of me and if I try and ask him to turn it over he looses his temper with me, he makes me give him sexual favours while he watches it, looking at other girls naked making me feel like I am nothing to him, I cry every night to sleep but he hasn’t once noticed, he says bad things about my family all the time and says my little brothers and sisters all under the age of 10 should be burnt alive etc. He threatens me that if I leave him he will get them took by social services of my mum. I have slit my wrists and attempted to commit suicide which he is aware of and said it would be the best thing for everyone, he makes me feel like I’m alone, he tells me that my family don’t care about me, he says I’m ugly and not attractive while he constantly compliments other girls and used the phrase ‘what would I not do to her’ about a girl. He texts girls behind my back, girls that have bullied me in the past, I have to wear what he tells me to wear, in the summer when its warm I can’t show any flesh, I’m not aloud to go out with my friends whilst he goes out with his all the time, he told me he would do sexual things with my best friend and his best friends girlfriend, he compliments her lower half all the time saying she’s the best looking girl he has ever saw, I have to text hievery 5 minutes and he tells all of his family bad things about me and talks about me all the time to other people saying bad things about me, I also think he has cheated on me, I hate my life and feel depressed all of the time, I want to move back in with my mum so bad, but I get threatened if I eeven bring it up. He will cause danger to my family if I leave him and its a risk I am not willing to take. He makes me feel so low and there is even more to the story.

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  27. Hi,my name is Angiela 19 years old (filipina) my bf is a 21 years old Australian… we’ve been together for 1 year and a half and lived together for 6 months now hes back in Australia so its a long distance relationship atm… Hes very manipulative and always say that hes smarter than me cause im from a third world country so i should follow everything he tells me…so yeah He tells me what to do and i always follow everything he wants.. … He always call me names like slut, scammer, gold digger, retart,cunt, etc… i lost confidence about myself..tho I NEVER EVER ask anything from him and he never gave me gifts to make me feel special… i live with my mom tho we are renting apartment cause he doesn’t give me enough money for food not even enough for noodles… i was a 3rd year college student when i met him online and start talking to him for months .. i never dated a guy before him.. i am not a flirt and never feel comfortable talking to guys so when i met him online i felt so happy that i finally have a guy in my life,,,, I easily fell inlove with him … i dunno if he ever loved me.. he always call me goldigger and accused me that i stole money from him when a small amount of money cant be found( i mean really small like not even a dollar) … i stopped Uni for him because he needs me when he was in Phil .. i did cause i wanted to be with him and he said he will take care of me etc….but i end up being his maid … his cook,,, his sex toy …. He never treated me right when he was here theres few times that he was sweet to me but mostly just when he wants to fuck me… there are times he only calls me when he needs food or need something…i always tried to end our relationship but always end up begging him to talk to me again.. but i end up being his maid … his cook,,, his sex toy … :( he threw things at me sometimes it hits me sometimes not… im so afraid of him.. he has naked pics of me as he forced me to give him… and he threatened me alot of times that he will post it all over the net … I cant believe that after all of the things he did i still have feelings for him… i am so scared of what he will do when we break up its also the reason why i always do what he wants… I dont tell anyone even my mom because im so ashamed that i let this happen to me … i cant go back to where i was before i met him…. i left my family for him and thank God they let me come back and didnt get angry at me… i wanna tell them what im going through for over a year and it will shock them for sure as i always tell them that his a good man and treats me right … after a long time of denial i finally wake up to stupidity,,, i am just so destroyed now that i wont even feel the pain of letting go…. im ready to the things he might do to put me down more etc.. he just loves hurting my feelings… Im even ready to die and suicide if my greatest fear ever happen.. i was so stupid to live with someone like him.. he even tells me that he feeds me etc tho i will be in better situation and earn if i work as a maid… and i dont eat alot i swear…. i got UTI when we were living together and he didnt take me to the hospital even my urine is already red because of blood it was a nightmare… I dunno why i put up with this for so long.. he always tell me that other guys will treat me worst and will only use me… hes my first bf maybe thats why it so important for me to make the relationship work… but not i just wanna go.. i am tired of hearing his abusive words… i just wanna die

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  28. I’m 23 years old, and think I might be in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend can be arrogant, insecure, and jealous, and while he does change any behavior I call him on & ask him to change, he still puts me down, not just in private but in front of my friends too. He’s recently insulted me directly after sex, & only apologized when I made a huge fuss over it, because like hell can anyone do that to me, especially someone who claims to care about me.

    Problem is, he’s my first ever boyfriend (been dating 7 months), & he’s been there for me through some tough times recently, just as I’ve been there for him. Yes, he can irritate the hell out of me, but he can also be really sweet and funny and goofy and adorable when it’s just the two of us. But with other people around, it’ like he’s trying to compete with them or something, to be the smartest, the one takin the hardest classes, etc, and I seem to get caught in the crossfire. And while I do care for him a lot, there are times when I feel like nothing I do will ever be enough for him, and that he won’t ever stop ‘jokingly’ putting me down, which he claims to honestly not realize hurts me.

    Does anyone have any advice or insight into the situation?

    Reply
    • Yes, this has happened to me also. It would be in your best interest to leave this relationship because this type of person is uncomfortable with change to the point that they won’t stop hurting you because that would involve them facing up to some things about themselves…and they can’t handle doing that, so instead, they continue to act in the same ways and aren’t interested in growing in a way that would cause them to treat others well.

      I can relate. My ex appeared to be charming, caring, funny, good looking, sociable, etc…but then I started seeing through him. It was hard to see as it truly was since one side of him would make sure to take care of me, and he was attentive. However, he was doing the “jokes” about things that he didn’t like about me and expected me to change about myself, “joking” about the fact that I have a 4 year college degree and that school is useless and people who do manual labor do “real” work, criticized me for having my own apartment instead of depending on others to support me, called me selfish for having dreams and desires in life, criticized my character, told me that “couples make decisions together” when I told him I wasn’t willing to comply by changing my wardrobe. He told me that I had control of his emotions and whether he stayed in the relationship (this would imply no responsibility on his part). He made me feel like I was crazy when he would tell me that I was the only one who couldn’t communicate with him. I finally left him for good when he was angry at me for not agreeing to run an errand for him (when I was tired) and saying I didn’t want to build a fire in his wood stove when he was there and could do it but expected that I would since he said I needed to.

      He appeared kind and caring and like such a good guy to everyone else around him because he has different standards for how to treat a wife or girlfriend than on how to treat friends or family or others.

      This particular guy had had a history of having been sexually violated by a relative when he was a child, and I believe that a lot of people who abuse have boundary issues from problems similar to this and don’t respect others’ boundaries, either. They sabotage relationships by being a jerk and not allowing you to truly grow close because growing close would involve risk. His previous relationships had been filled with fighting. He even shed light on things when he came out and told me that he didn’t believe that you need to be best friends with your spouse–bingo, he was not treating girlfriends as friends or other equals. Find someone who treats you as an equal, rather than their child. You’re worth more than that and better off by yourself than having someone around who makes you feel bad.

      Reply
  29. I am 20, I have been with my “boyfriend” for 3 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 year old together. I am stuck, he is so mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. I bought a car last February and while I was at work he went and put the car in his name and hid the title on me so I couldn’t touch it, he has broken all of my belonging and even started putting damages on the body of my car because he gets mad at me, he keeps telling me to kill myself. He controls everything I do, everywhere I go and now he is threatening to take the children away from me, I’m not a bad mom I am working and going to school part time. He blames me for everything even when he is in the wrong, he posts nasty things about me online, calls me every name imaginable. All because he saw texts from one of my friends who lives in another state this is what he says is the cause of all of his irrational behavior. I have no family here my mom loves 1500 miles away, I have no friends because of him, I should have never let it get this far, I am so ashamed of myself. He threatens to knock me out all the time. I’m just lost and I have no one to talk to. Any advice, please no poor judgement I just need advice.

    Reply
    • Leave and get help bc it will never stop, you have the power.. Do it for your kids

      Reply
  30. I am 20 years old.. I am from India but I study in Europe…I am in live in relationship with my boyfriend… we were doing fine in starting months.. he used to pamper me, love me and treats me the way it should be.. but then eventually… he changed.. he started hitting me.. abusing me n my family … drag me by holding my hairs… kicks me..sexually harass me..I dunno what should I do… I feel so helpless… I cant tell anybody.. I am afraid to leave the flat .. n go to sum new place.. it feels I am dependent on him.but when i decide to leave .. he stops me by evry means…!! then behaves normal for few days and then again the same,,, i dunnoe what should i do. :'(

    Reply
    • hi, im starting to think im in an abusive relationship, my boyfriend cheated on me a couple of times in the past and was on all dating websites behind my back….anyway he begged for my forgiveness, told me im the only one he wants and loves me blah blah……the usual lovey dovey stuff….but I keep snooping on him to see if he’s still cheating, I find little things here and there but not enough that he’s actually cheating, I keep calling him (we live an hr apart) I call him in tears telling him of things ive found……today I found he looked up single women in his area on facebook and went into all these women’s profiles to check them out, he said he was looking for his ex’s current boyfriend, so I checked these profiles out myself at home…..these women are single and hot and too young to be ex’s friends…….so I called him again in tears, he got angry and yelled “stop this you fucking headcase”……..”I didn’t message them, pull yourself together and shut up” and kept saying im a headcase………he’s making me feel worse like im the one in the wrong when HE is the one looking up single women who live near him!! I feel like my self esteem is hitting rock bottom, I feel alone, insecure and like im crazy but I was not like this before he cheated, I was so confident and happy……..but I love him, I don’t know what to do but im starting to think he does what he wants with his girlfriends then when they get upset about his behaviour he calls the person he apparently loves “headcase” and also a “fuckwit”……I need someone to give feedback on what they think about this and whether im worried about nothing?

      Reply
  31. hi, im starting to think im in an abusive relationship, my boyfriend cheated on me a couple of times in the past and was on all dating websites behind my back….anyway he begged for my forgiveness, told me im the only one he wants and loves me blah blah……the usual lovey dovey stuff….but I keep snooping on him to see if he’s still cheating, I find little things here and there but not enough that he’s actually cheating, I keep calling him (we live an hr apart) I call him in tears telling him of things ive found……today I found he looked up single women in his area on facebook and went into all these women’s profiles to check them out, he said he was looking for his ex’s current boyfriend, so I checked these profiles out myself at home…..these women are single and hot and too young to be ex’s friends…….so I called him again in tears, he got angry and yelled “stop this you fucking headcase”……..”I didn’t message them, pull yourself together and shut up” and kept saying im a headcase………he’s making me feel worse like im the one in the wrong when HE is the one looking up single women who live near him!! I feel like my self esteem is hitting rock bottom, I feel alone, insecure and like im crazy but I was not like this before he cheated, I was so confident and happy……..but I love him, I don’t know what to do but im starting to think he does what he wants with his girlfriends then when they get upset about his behaviour he calls the person he apparently loves “headcase” and also a “fuckwit”……I need someone to give feedback on what they think about this and whether im worried about nothing?

    Reply
  32. I’ve been in an abusive relationship for 6 years now. I thought he was the love of my life. I met him at 20 in the prime of my party days and just shut it all down cuz I thought I met the love of my life. I wanted his children and to be his wife. Every time I looked at him I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I have a serious size difference in my breasts and it’s caused me to always have low self esteem so when someone who I thought was perfect showed interest in me I felt like I won the lottery. We had fun together all the time until I started noticing that he had other relationships. More then 2. I forgave him and forgave him. Up to this day there must have been over 10 girls I found out about. He started calling me a whore and contacting guys I dated in high school. He started telling me I don’t deserve to live and how the girls were always better then me. Last night I found videos on his phone of two naked prostitutes basically having sex while he filmed it. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. We had a savings of 18000 and he took the whole thing from me. Because it was all saved in cash I cannot report it. He threw me out of the house this morning after taking all my money. Threw 3 dollars at me and told me to take the bus. So now I’m here with my dog and a bunch of bags wondering what I do now. Where do I go? I have no friends or family to help me. What do you do when a man can put his hands on your neck and take away your air. He wouldn’t even let me have air. These kinds of men need to be exterminated and thrown in jail to be raped and tortured. How can a woman give u every last drop of effort and all you can do is call her a whore and put your hands on her. I’m left with nothing all cuz I gave everything. Any woman out there being abused is strong not weak. I hope I find something to make me smile before I just end my life. No man will ever want me due to how messed up my breasts are from trying to surgically correct it with a doctor who ended up losing her license. Nothing right ever happens for me which is why I know he will never be punished for what he’s done to me. For some reason my life since I was a little girl has always been tainted and full of heartache.

    Reply
  33. Oh my goodness where should I start I’ve been through so much. I started dating htis guy back in 2009, everything was okay for about 8months then all hell started to break lose. He would start by breaking things that I owned(the first time it happened I was terrifed and I called the police, but he ended up being okay because I was young and dumb and believed what he told me)A year later I got pregnant with twins,ended up having one baby because of the abuse,stress, and emootion. Later he started to talking down to me, tell me I was worthless.(So many hurtful things you couldn’t imagine)Now it’s 2014 my daughter and I have moved back In w/my dad because he was crazy. But I’ve never been the type to let my job, or things get away from me. He’s jealous because I’m the bread winner. We’ve called the police so many times I’ve lost count(he’s went to jail) He lies and tells me he’s not going to do it n e more, of course that’s a lie. He uses me and he’s a convicted felon so he can only get temp jobs. We have been “seperated” since November I’ve met another guy 3 months later couldn’t stay in a relationship with him because he ran him off once he found out. He’s threatened my life a countless amount of times, and just does mean and nasty things for no reason. I know you all ask well why is still around because of daughter, but that’s not good enough now, he makes threats about killing me, calling DFACS and lying to them…O it’s so overwhelming, I’m just tired 4years and Im only 22!!!!He’s 31

    Reply
  34. Here’s the thing to everyone! I’m in a situation like almost every single one of the instances I read on this blog. I’m with an older man who has had some terrible relationships and even went as far as being a male whore prior to me…or while chasing me…and I found out most of it after our child was conceived. No matters, my child is a blessing. I could tell he had issues, but I kept convincing myself that he just needed TLC…DENYING MYSELF THE WHOLE TIME! I use to be happy and cheerful and I even now I pray constantly. I would love to give our child the life she deserves….to not be a statistic in America…to have a family of all of the original cast members. But I’m starting to realize the other person needs to want it too! It’s not fair for me myself to put in 100% and him 23.4%. Those numbers are equal. When he’s great…he’s great and when he’s mad…HE’S A MONSTER! He always say he never argued with his exes or hit them…Lies! I found out after we were already together. He explosions can simply be because I didn’t agree with something as small as get this ” the definition of spirit and ghost”!!! Really? Is it worth it to push me, pull my hair, and call me names…then I called him the name he called me and he said I better not call him that anymore and commenced in being violent. Even after I told him I was done talking. People of this nature don’t know what love is. ThEY NEED HELP! So here it is…I stand at a crossroad…ME or him? I choose ME! He chose him the entire 4 yrs of the relationship. Many times when you’re up against a situation like this, there is no “WIN-WIN”. I know a God who can make everything right in the twinkling of an eye. I pray for you guys to heal properly and find your soul mates. If you thought that person was your soul mate, then this hurts! It’s hurting me just to type that! But let me encourage you as I encourage myself…

    YOU DESERVE BETTER! No man or woman deserves you unless they put as much as you put into the relationship! There is someone for everyone! GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES! YOU’RE BETTER OFF ALONE THAN HURT AND ABUSED! IT SEEMS BAD RIGHT NOW, BUT FOCUS ON YOU (AND IF YOU A CHILD…BURY YOURSELF INTO THEM)! LIFE WILL BE GOOD AGAIN! YOU WILL LIVE AND NOT DIE! YOU STUMBLED UPON A HURT CONFUSED AND ANGRY PERSON WHO HAS BEEN REJECTED MANY TIMES…DON’T LET THEM PROJECT THAT ONTO YOU! YOU DESERVE MORE! YOU DESERVE THE BEST! YOU WILL GET THE BEST! KEEP STRIVING! THERE IS LIFE AFTER A BAD RELATIONSHIP! DON’T WASTE YOUR LIFE TRYING TO FIX WHAT A PSYCHOLOGIST NEEDS TO FIX! YOU’RE NOT THEIR PARENT i.e. YOU CAN’T RAISE THEM OR MAKE THEM ACT RIGHT! CHOOSE YOURSELF! THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO LEAVE OR STAY…IT SIMPLY MEANS CHANGE YOURSELF OR GO BACK TO YOUR OLD WAY OF LIVING! ENJOY LIFE! LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO DEAL WITH THE STRESS OF A BAD RELATIONSHIP! CHOOSE TO MAKE MEMORIES THAT WILL LAST FOR YOU YOUR CHILDREN AND OTHERS WHO VALUE YOU! EVERY PERSON THAT CAME ON HERE HAS A SINCERE HEART! YOU’RE HURTING JUST LIKE I AM…BECAUSE YOU LOVE HARD AND FORGIVE EASILY! I HOPE I ENCOURAGED YOU AS I ENCOURAGED MYSELF!

    PRAY DAILY AND FORGIVE THEM! THEY ARE JACKED UP, BUT YOU WILL BE ALRIGHT! NO ROOM FOR REGRETS OR RESENTMENT! YOUR LIFE STARTS WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES AND ABLE TO SAY THANK YOU GOD FOR ANOTHER DAY!

    Reply
  35. hi, i’m aeeca. i’m 23 and i’m currently in a relationship. my boyfriend loves me so much. i know he does because he always makes me feel that way.until one mistake had happened.here’s the thing: i and my girl friends had fun photo shooting. i did not really want to pose in two-piece swimsuit.but, i did not want to disappoint them, so i did it anyway. i tried to hide it from my boyfriend, but when he saw the picture,he got really mad and told me to delete the picture.he felt that i betrayed him because i did something he told me even before that he wouldn’t like for me to do (that is, my body being seen in public).we almost broke up with that. but, two years later, he saw that picture again.he got really mad why my friend did not delete it.he gave me two days to do so, but still, it wasn’t deleted by my friend. and then, he tried to break up with me. no, he really did. he told me he doesn’t want to feel betrayed again.the next evening, he contacted me and told me he wanted to see me because he just can’t leave me, since he loved me so much.i thought everything was fine then, so we got back until just this morning, i saw that he was provoking my friend who owned the picture. he was reporting her account and it made her mad. i didn’t want trouble or the like. just late this afternoon, i found out that the picture was deleted from her account, so,i humbly and gently told my boyfriend to stop provoking my friend.but then. he just got mad and told me that i should not tell him to stop and should not tell him what to do because it was my fault.i know. i admit it was mine.now, the problem is, he won’t stop. he can’t get over my mistake.i want to make him feel better.i don’t want him to be mad all his life.i want him to get over it. =(

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  36. Goodness me people…. I was with an extremely violent and abusive man for 8 yrs… He would drink very regularly ( everyday or so ) and then proceed to see what torture and terror he could inflict on me for his pure entertainment… I would leave him and he would suck me back in by saying he would quit and attending rehab or AA ( I don’t drink but I used to attend them with him ). I get the whole scared to leave business and the hopping that things will change and he will finally see he is hurting me blah blah blah….. You are looking for a needle in a hay stack, let me promise you that. Once a grub, always a grub….. I had two beautiful boys to this peanut and after having one of them recovered after him and his parents kidnapped him I’m fighting the whole family for custody of the two kids…. HE IS THE DRUNK NOT ME. He has even threatened to beat up our eldest son , frightened the life out him as he was 9 at the time and his mum tried to bribe the boys not too tell me about it… Whilst I have air in my lungs I will fight them, I believe that this type of evil behaviour is definitely inherited, so there is no way I will alow them to have the boys.
    Honestly, I could go on for ever but I guess I really want everyone to realise this never stops, we have been separated since 2008…. I’ve moved on, new man ( who is not perfect, but neither am I, but I know I’m safe and so are my kids ) we have bought a house and are just about to welcome our second child together… I wish I took notice of all the signs ( obvious and not so obvious ), I wish I listened to the people on the outside looking in telling me he wasn’t normal. I’m stuck with him now in my life because of the boys and it’s awful to think that some days I regret having the kids because of my inability to completely wipe my hands of him. These people believe their way is correct and they have every right to behave like they do… They will turn every situation around to it being your fault some how ( I coped beatings that went on for hrs and yet he would say i” if I hadn’t talked back to him” or something stupid like that, then it wouldn’t have happened. And he seriously believes that. His mother told me ” oh it’s only happened a few times” when she found out I was leaving him one of the times I did…. ( alarm bells I ignored )… And it has so far cost me $120k to fight this grubby family in the family law court because of all the lies and manipulation that they are spinning… GET OUT NOW BEFORE THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED….!!!!! I was 25 when I started dating him, I’m 40 now and I would’ve preferred an STD then him…. I can get rid of most STD’s ,but I can’t get rid of him, he still tries to control my life now….
    By the way…. Honestly, the treats and manipulation about leaving them is generally bull, but never underestimate these crazy people…. Normally they are cowards, that’s why they do what they do… But to be sure don’t go out alone for a while etc, etc…

    Reply
  37. hi my boyfriend of 9 yrs just drop a bomb on me with this and i quote

    ” i am giving you one year for you to lose weight, your weight bothers me once you lose it i will come back so for now i am leaving you but its not a break up. and I will wait”

    And yes he is abrusive :( i been with him for so long and its the same story. he always get like this when he quits smoking. and he just become this mean person. I feel very sad and lost :( he expect me to wait 1yr for him WTF he is leaving no option but saying like YOU BETTER LOSE WEIGHT IN 1YR OR I WONT COME BACK.

    he has become more and more mean we would now get into argruements every weekend. i am going to the gym 4x a week :(
    he just told me how disgusted he is at me :( i dont get it we been together for so long :( and now why of a sudden my weight bother him?

    i feel lost and hopeless he does tell me what to wear and not what to wear :( and he is so so mean when he puts me down.

    Reply
  38. I’ve been with my boyfriend on and off for 9 years I truly do love him and everything is great when we spend time together but for some reason when we don’t see eachother we fight a lot even for things that don’t even matter and when he gets mad he doesn’t let me speak he yells on the phone he insults me he calls me a bitch a slut a whore he says I don’t do anything for him and that I’m ungrateful he also threatens to hit me even kill me and says he hates me I don’t understand why he can be like that I have a lot of patience for him but his actions are slowly killing me inside he gets mad when I tell him I’m leaving him but then threatens to leave me and tell his family really bad things about me I don’t know what to do anymore he’s crazy jealous and he has broken things that belong to me and punched doors and stuff he always says that everything is my fault but I just never know how to communicate with him because he’ll get really mad or if he calls and I can’t pick up cause I didn’t have signal or something he’ll go off on me and make me feel like I am not worthy of anything sometimes I feel like I was just not meant to be happy because he was so different before and know he’s really mean and I’m scared of how he is I really don’t know what to do anymore

    Reply
  39. Hi my name is kacie. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 10 months and we get into fights(physical) i have hit him but only when he is holding me down and head butting me in the face. He just recently left a bruise on my chin where he head butted me and threw me down on the ground. my neighbors heard us fighting and called the police. They came and talked to us. We just recently like 20 mins ago got into a fight. He has type 1 diabetes and he smokes blacks (cigars) and i was just talking to him trying to let him know that he is at risk of heart problems and was just reading what i found on google. He takes all the money he finds in my house and goes and buys black with it so i was just trying to make him think about all the risks he has smoking. Thinking maybe he will stop smoking. i was reading them and he came in my room and jerked the computer away from me and head butted my mouth and got on top of my yelling in my face and biting me kinda and i couldn’t breath! all his weight was on me and i screamed i couldn’t breath and he got off and was yelling i know the effects and by this time i was crying! and he just started mocking me and told me to keep breathing and i went into a small panic attack and he jet walked out of the room while i was laying there trying to catch my breath. Once i was done i jumped up and closed the door and locked it. i know i should leave him but every time i try he just laughs and says yeah I’m sure. I don’t know how to handle this. I’m shaking right now and i don’t wanna call the cops but he won’t leave even when we get into fights.

    Reply
  40. Hello!,
    I was recently in an abusive relationship with someone who had just left an abusive relationship. I knew this at the time, but I didn’t know the person I was getting involved with was abusive as well until the real them started to show through months later. I am aware that her family life had been abusive as a child and that she was used to the abuse. Probably so used to it that she felt uncomfortable without it. This was a burden upon our relationship as I was hoping I could be the one to show her a new light in positivity from the way that I keep myself positive and happy with myself. Eventually, I had to move on because I could see that she wasn’t willing to let go of the past abuse but kind of “ticked”, if you will, on giving others the abuse she had been given. It really hurt me for quite awhile that I had to leave her as well as the abuse that she had shown towards me. I didn’t fight back at her or seek revenge but stayed positive because I knew that was the only way further I could show her love. I am hoping that she can seek a way out of this suppressed anger on her own and find a way to make her self happy on her own. I had been in a position like hers a long time ago when I was younger and couldn’t recognize my pain, problems, and how to deal with situations or people and make the best out of them. I have found that you really can’t be happy with others if you aren’t happy with yourself. You have to learn to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. This makes it very hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. Sometimes it is seemingly impossible.

    I ended up writing this song to relieve the pain I had gone through. I know there is someone else out there that will accept my love purely. Sometimes you have to walk away even though you love that person with the fullness of your heart and soul. But, you also have to care for yourself. Don’t mistake unconditional love as pain. You shouldn’t have to live in agony to be loved.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6G3aOflo-Q

    Writing this song helped me get through the pain I had experienced and helped me grow positive from the situation. Maybe it will help you come to terms with your own experiences, provide enlightenment, and give you good feelings!

    Prove your love and others will eventually love you more purely.. don’t give in to someone saying they love you and not showing it. There is someone out there that will.

    – Aceon

    Reply

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