Welcome to life after dating a psycho

The ramblings of a girl who survived an abusive relationship and went on to live a happy life. I'm glad you are here!

My message to anyone in love with an abuser

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I know it’s hard. I’ve been there. In love with someone who hurt me.

I’ve tried telling myself that everything is fine and it’s all going to work out somehow.  Convinced myself that I could make things better. I’ve taken on the mission to bring back the perfect relationship so that I didn’t have to leave. Stayed on my best behavior. I’ve been brave and forgiving and promised that I would always be there.

I’ve tried to rationalize away the feelings. Ripped up pictures. Given myself pep talks about why I deserve more. Reached out to other people for help. Tried drinking until I was numb. Pretended like I didn’t care. I’ve practiced the conversation in my head over and over of exactly how I would say each word “I can’t be with you anymore. You’re not good for me. I’m leaving you.” Only to feel the terror pull back the words before they make it through my lips.

Back and forth I’ve gone. Back and forth. Losing pieces of myself. Slowly. Like grains of sand falling through an hourglass.  Counting down until I was completely empty and numb. And then I’ve thought, “Maybe I’m the crazy one. Maybe I’m just lucky that anyone loves me. Maybe this is as good as it gets.”

I know what it’s like to be in a place where the only thing worse than staying is leaving. And the only things worse than leaving is to stay.

I know what it’s like to feel loneliest when you are laying right next to someone. I know how hard those nights are. The ones spent staring at the numbers on the clock as they change, one by one, second by second through the night. I know the painful mornings. Standing in the shower staring at the water falling down the drain, hardly feeling the drops against my face. I know the coldness of the bathroom tile against my cheek. I’ve laid there, on that floor with you. Praying. Wishing. Silently begging for someone to help me and to tell me what I am supposed to do.

If you are wondering if there’s something better out there…if there’s more in store for you, the answer is yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. A million, trillion times, YES.

There is so much more in life. More love. More adventures. More heartbreak too, but also more growing and learning. If you are stuck in a relationship with someone who hurts you, you might not be able to see it right now, but don’t let go of the promise of something more. Listen to that nagging voice inside that knows deep down that you deserve better. You are so much stronger than you think. You’re so much smarter than you know. You’re fucking awesome and you only get this one life to be the person you were made to be. Don’t give that life to someone else. Don’t let it go. Don’t feel guilty or selfish about fighting for yourself. You owe it to the universe. To whatever God you believe in. To your children (current or future). You owe it to that person out there that you might not have met yet that wants to love you the right way. But most importantly, you owe it to yourself.

I used to wait for a sign. For some outside source to tell me that I wasn’t going nuts and that I needed to get out. Get away. Start fighting for myself. If you are like me, and are waiting for a sign….this is it. From someone who has been to the deepest depth of the hell of abuse. From someone who believed it was impossibile to break up with my abuser. From someone who could barely make it through the night a few years ago… Trust me. It’s hard. It hurts like hell. But leave. It is the most important thing you will ever do. He’s not going to change. Things aren’t going to get better if you stay. You already know what you should do so trust yourself.

“Future you” says thanks.

-Leigh Lee

Recent Blog Posts:

Late night conversations I hate

I’m laying on my stomach biting the skin around my thumb as I listen to you ask me nicely whether maybe I could be the type of person that puts myself in bad situations and maybe it’s a pattern in my life. There is blood in my mouth. The taste of rust and thick white spit that sticks against the back of my throat as I feel the poison slowly drain through my limbs. On paper, these are the things that never sound so bad. Victim blaming. Distrust. Shaming. I know these words now, and I can label them as they fall from your mouth like marbles down a spiral staircase, but I still feel each hollow clink on the way down and I’m still at the bottom collecting them from you and holding them all as if they were my responsibility to polish, as if it was my job to explain it out for you. Surviving. The walk along the edge of death with just a thread to hold on to, attached to the hope of a future that falls in and out of view. And you want to know, how can you be happy now? A question that only means to tell me that if I have been through what I say I have, there’s no way I could be. Why should I have to take your hand and walk you there? See this? This here is where I sat and screamed. This old step outside my college dorm is where I’d come to on those nights I couldn’t sleep. It’s where I’d curse and shake and rock slowly...

Welcome to our new design!

      We had a redesign here at Life After Dating a Psycho! We hope you like it. As we continue to grow the blog, we wanted to make the website more engaging to our viewers. Over the next few months we will continue to expand. If there is anything you would like to see on the site, WE WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! Email me at lifeafterdatingapsycho@gmail.com. Or, visit our Facebook Page and leave us a comment. Peace and love, Leigh...

13 Things I Would Tell My 15-Year-Old-Self About Dating

If I could magically go back in time and have a conversation with my 15-year-old-self, these are the 13 things I would make sure that she knew: 1. It’s not forever. People will tell you that you’re too young to be in love. They are wrong. You will fall in love. Hard. So hard that you will believe you are supposed to stay together forever. Some people stay with their high school sweethearts and get married and have babies and everything’s wonderful, but the truth is that the first person you fall in love with is most likely not the person you want to spend your whole, entire life with. And unless you are part of a very small percent of the population, you will be incredibly thankful for this. Give yourself time to date lots of people. Figure out what you want in a partner and save the “through sickness and health, till death do us part” until you’re older. 2. Be your own person, not part of a couple. Figure out who you are. Listen to the kinds of music that you like. Read the books you want to read. Try new things and keep discovering what makes you the wonderfully weird person that you are. Don’t create your identity on a foundation of someone else. Relationships do not define you. They can be a great way to connect with another person and share similar interests, but make up your own mind and be your own person. 3. Don’t give up things for relationships.  If you want to play a sport, join the band, be in a club, go to the movies, hang...

Letter to my abuser

You can call me stupid. Call me wrong. Call me incapable. Call me names I cannot even repeat. You can spread your lies. Convince others. Build a whole army of puppet followers who all agree with you. You can convince a friend of mine. Turn someone I love against me. You can find the evidence that you need. Point out my flaws. Cast a spotlight on each insecurity. You can get inside my head. You can even break me down. Bring me to my knees, alone on a cold, hard floor, and you might think then, that you’ve won… but tomorrow, I will stand up. I will take another step forward, no matter how small or how shaky. And I will know that you will never get the best of me, because even as I stumble through this fucked up world, it is love I hold inside my heart, and you can never make...

%

of females will be involved in an abusive relationship before graduating from college


FYI

I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am a survivor who wants to tell my story in hopes of helping others. I encourage anyone who is, or has been, involved in an abusive relationship to seek professional help. Without the help of professional therapists, counselors and social workers, I would not have survived my situation.

I tend to use feminine labels when talking about the victim and masculine labels when addressing the abuser. Both men and women can be victims, just as an abuser can be male or female. When you read, please disregard gender when necessary.


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